Twilight: Truth or Dare
by Autumnstar17
Summary: What will happen when you've got the entire cast of Twilight locked in a room with a questionably sane director and an infinite number of truths and dares? Well, there's only one way to find out.
1. Episode 1

Twilight: Truth of Dare

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Hello and welcome to Twilight: Truth or Dare! I've read some of these things that cracked me up, so now I'll try my own and attempt to be as original as I can. So for those of you who don't know and can't be bothered to guess, this is how this'll work: you send in truths and dares, I force the Twilight Saga cast to do as instructed! Easy as that. Now, let's bring out our guest stars. Don't worry; if someone you'd like to see isn't here, we can always call them in against their will. Behind these three curtains you will find…

The director opens up the first curtain to reveal Bella and the Cullens. Behind the second is the Quileute wolf pack, and the Volturi behind the second. All are bound by vampire/werewolf-resistant rope.

EDWARD: What the hell is going on?

JACOB: I can't believe we got ourselves kidnapped for this…

BELLA: Kidnapped? Edward, what's happening?

ARO: Dammit. Alice, if you'd been with us you would've seen it coming!

ALICE: Oh, so it's _my_ fault this happened?

The cast begins arguing amongst themselves.

EMILY: Alright, everyone calm down! *holds up a taser threateningly*

CULLENS: *exchange nervous glances*

SETH: No fair! When did she get a taser?

EMILY: It's my special Twilight Taser. Works on humans, vampires, werewolves, and everything else in between.

FELIX: *emotionally scarred from his first encounter with the taser*

EMILY: So anyway, please send in your truths and dares for us! I'm sure our guests will have calmed down by then. Until next time!


	2. Episode 2

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 2

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare! The show just started and I believe we're already off to a good start. I will gladly take all the credit.

JACOB: *rolls eyes* Of course you wi-

SAM: *covers Jacob's mouth*

JACOB: Mmmf! Mmmnnff!

SAM: What he _meant_ to say was, 'You're doing a wonderful job so far. Congratulations.' *releases Jacob*

EMILY: Oh, good. *puts away taser* That's what I thought he said.

EDWARD: *raises hand* Hold on a second, I just want to make sure I understand how this works. So basically, the viewers who apparently have nothing better to do with-

BELLA: *elbows Edward*

EDWARD: -I mean, uh, the home viewers just send in truths and dares and we have to do them?

EMILY: Pretty much.

EDWARD: And they could be… anything?

EMILY: Anything.

MARCUS: Anything? *latches onto Caius crying*

CAIUS: Get… off…

ARO: Anything? Like, dye our robes happy Easter colors, or make us do stupid quirky dances, our have us kiss each other, or…

JACOB: *eyes light up as he eyes Bella at the word 'kiss'*

BELLA: Piss off.

JANE: Stop giving them ideas! *knocks Aro out of his seat in pain*

EMMETT: *turns to Rosalie* She can do that?

ROSALIE: *shrugs*

EMILY: Alright, alright! Everyone calm down. Our very first Truth or Dare is from a user by the name of MellowMania:

**Hey!  
Making me smile already! Good for you!  
I shall dare Jacob (And Edward, I guess) to switch seats for the entire show, thus leaving Bella with werewolf-boy! MWAHAHA!  
No, seriously. And tell Carlisle I said 'hi'.**

EMILY: *beams obnoxiously*

EDWARD AND JACOB: *glaring at each other from across the room*

ALICE: Well? Go on, switch seats!

ESME: Be thankful; it could've been a lot worse.

BELLA: It's alright, Edward. If he tries anything I'll just punch him again.

JASPER: Oh, yes. Because we all saw how well that went.

EDWARD: …Fine.

Reluctantly, Edward gets up and switches seats with Jacob, who pushes his chair right next to Bella's before sitting down and sticks his tongue out at Edward.

EDWARD: Hey! He can't do that!

EMMETT: It just said to switch seats. Nobody said anything against moving the chairs.

EDWARD: Whose side are you on, anyway? But fine. If that's the case, then I'll just move _this_ chair right in between-

EMILY: *points taser in Edward's direction*

EDWARD: *grumbling to himself*

JACOB: *leans over* _So, _Bella…

BELLA: Jake. Please don't do that.

SAM: *muttering to the rest of the pack* Werewolf-boy? Why does _he_ get to be werewolf-boy?

CARLISLE: *waves towards the camera innocently* Hi!

EMILY: Okay, these next ones are actually from my dad. Just… don't ask.

**Edward, when you proposed to Bella, did you realize you were asking Kristen Stewart to marry you in real life?**

**Bella, on a scale of one to ten, how creepy is having someone watch you sleep? And is true that you eat asparagus to make you smell good?**

**Hum, dare... How about having Edward sit at the Estee Lauder counter and get a make over in full sunlight?**

EMMETT: Of course they're always for Edward and Bella. We're always gonna get ignored, aren't we? Stupid protagonists…

BELLA: Edward, who is this 'Kristen Stewart'?

EDWARD: How should I know? I don't know any Kristens. I'm sure they're just trying to confuse us with all that 'real life' crap.

BELLA: You mean… you were already engaged?

EDWARD: I didn't say that!

BELLA: *breaks down crying* I thought you loved me!

JACOB: *hugs Bella* Aw, there, there. Did the big bad vampire hurt your feelings?

EDWARD: Get your hands off her, you stupid dog! I'm only engaged to you; I swear!

BELLA: Prove it!

JACOB: Leave her alone, vampire. Obviously you'd rather be running around with this 'Kristen' girl.

EDWARD: *tackles Jacob*

JACOB: *turns into a wolf*

EMILY: *apparently oblivious to the fight* So, Bella, how creepy is it?

BELLA: *eying Jacob and Edward fighting nervously* Um… On a scale of one to ten? Maybe 5? I mean, it is pretty weird, I guess, but I don't mind it so much. If it were anyone other than Edward I'd be weirded out. And about the asparagus thing… why would anyone even think that? *turns around to see Demetri sniffing her*

DEMETRI: *backs away* I was just… checking.

ESME: Uh, Edward, dear… It's time for your dare.

JACOB: *pauses mid-brawl to turn back* Oh, this should be good.

ALL FEMALES IN THE ROOM: *staring in a mixture of awe and horror at Jacob's naked-ness*

EDWARD: Do I _have_ to?

EMILY: Do you even have to ask?

EDWARD: Hmph.

Alice escorts Edward to an Estee Lauder counter than magically poofed right outside the building. Half an hour later…

EDWARD: *walks back in* Feel free to kill me now, Volturi.

ALL: *snickering*

LEAH: I love the colors. They really bring out your eyes.

EMBRY: Yeah, and nice lip gloss choice!

CARLISLE: You know, I perfectly understand if cross-dressing is just what you kids are into in this day and age, but was the ball gown really necessary?

EDWARD: *dead serious* Alice insisted.

ALICE: *looking pleased with herself*

BELLA: I think I'm gonna be sick…

EDWARD: Can I change back now?

MARCUS: Can't you just wait until the end of the episode, Ma'am?

EDWARD: I hate you all so much. *sits back down*

JACOB: *to Bella* Who knew your boyfriend looked so natural in dress?

EDWARD: I can still hear you!

EMILY: *shuffles note cards* And that about wraps it up for today! Tune in next time for some more Twilight: Truth or Dare, and remember to keep sending in those truths/dares!


	3. Episode 3

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 2

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

Not much has changed since the last episode. Edward's changed out of the dress and gone back to his original seat, and the cast is eying the director's review note cards worriedly.

MARCUS: Was that wrap-up even necessary at all?

CAIUS: Probably not.

EMILY: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare! Things haven't gotten too inappropriate and/or violent yet, so we're off to a good start. Well, let's jump right in: our first set for today is from EdwardILoveYou.

ALICE: Did the director just confess her love to Edward?

JASPER: No, I think that's the person's pen name.

EDWARD: …Way to be discrete.

BELLA: *glares at Edward* So. Who's she _this _time?

JACOB: Odd. Normally he's the one who does the stalking.

EDWARD: I have no idea what you're talking about.

EMILY: Hey, hey! No fighting yet!

SAM: Yet?

EMILY: Wait until after we hear the truths and dares. All right, so this one says:

**CAN U DO ANOTHER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?**  
**Oh and my truth and dare...  
Carilse or whatever tell the most embarssing story EVER  
and 4 truth Emmet draw a cool design on Edward! Hows that 4 more attention?  
lol im pretending its real! U ROCK PERSON WHO WROTE THIS!**

JACOB: Here we go again with the whole 'real' thing.

EMBRY: I think they're just trying to mess with our minds. Just ignore them.

EMILY: First off, I have a name, but because you said I rock all is forgiven. And I suppose I can answer your first question by saying that so long as people keep sending in truths and dares I can stay in business longer.

ARO: So, suppose people stop responding to this ridiculous idiocy. Then we're all free to go?

EMILY: I… guess so?

ARO: *turns to the rest of the Volturi* I say we kill the viewers.

JANE: I second that motion.

ESME: You can't do that! They're innocent people!

QUIL: And the director has a taser. I don't think we should piss her off.

FELIX: *spazzing out in the background*

CARLISLE: Um… Okay, I suppose I ought to tell an embarrassing story, then. Fortunately, the viewer failed to mention who it had to be about. So I will now tell of Jasper's Disney obsession.

BELLA: Disney obsession?

JASPER: That's not fair! The question was directed at you! Besides, that has to be at least fifteen years ago.

ROSALIE: Like that makes a difference.

CARLISLE: *crosses his legs and leans forward all professional-like* Well, it all started when we took a trip to the video store, and we thought it was just a coincidence that Jasper had chosen both The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. But we soon learned that he had spent every night locking himself in his room with a teddy bear and a different Disney movie.

JASPER: *defiantly* You know what? _Everybody_ loves Disney!

ALICE: Yes, but not every vampire looks like they're about to cry during Dumbo.

JASPER: It's a sad movie! The mom elephant gets taken away from-

ARO: Hey, no spoilers! *secretly making a list of the movies mentioned*

BELLA: That's too funny. So did it stop?

EMMETT: Well, we made fun of him a lot around the house.

ROSALIE: And I threw his TV out the window.

JASPER: And I will never forgive you for that, you horrible Disney-hating person!

ROSALIE: I don't hate Disney. It's just when you started going around singing things like 'A Whole New World' and 'The Circle of Life' that I began to be concerned for your mental stability.

JASPER: You know what, the question was directed at you, Carlisle! You had no right to bring that up. So if you're having trouble picking an embarrassing story, why don't I suggest the Pregnant Man Incident?

CARLISLE: *turning bright red*

There's an awkward silence as everyone waits to see if Carlisle is going to say anything. In the background Aro can be seen asking the Volturi for Disney movie suggestions; apparently they plan on having week-long Disney marathon after this Truth or Dare. Or something.

EMMETT: *grabs a Sharpie from… somewhere* Okay, my turn! Edward, please pull your shirt up and bend over.

CARLISLE: *sigh of relief*

EDWARD: *muttering under his breath* Why does everyone like picking on _me?_

Pretty soon Emmett the Sharpie Tattoo Artist has given Edward a giant portrait of Jacob on his back, which is really just a giant stick figure with dog ears due to his lack of artistic talent, labeling courtesy of Jasper. He also added a nice drawn-on goatee, mustache like the ones you see on those fancy French waiters, and several other girly designs. Interpret as you will. Then he passed around the Sharpie to let everyone autograph his front side.

EDWARD: *staring shirtless at a mirror* You know I _really_ didn't need you guys to embarrass me further like this… I'm still kind of getting over the cross-dressing nightmare.

JACOB: And why should you? You do a good enough job of it yourself.

EDWARD: Okay, that's it! Aro, I dare you to kill the dog!

SETH: He can't do that! Can he do that?

ARO: *looks up from his list* Hmmn?

MARCUS: Ooh, dog! That reminds me, add Lady and the Tramp to your list.

ARO: Oh, good one! *jots it down*

JANE: Just none of those stupid sequels. Only the originals are good.

CAIUS: Dually noted.

EMILY: *tases Edward* Bad vampire!

Edward is knocked from his chair upon impact and immediately begins spazzing out on the floor. Felix can be seen cowering under his chair and sucking his thumb, all the while rocking himself back and forth, in fear of the all-too-familiar taser noise.

EMILY: You should know by now that only viewers get to give out truths and dares.

ATHENODORA: Poor Felix.

CHELSEA: It's really not that bad, I think the director just tased him one too many times.

EMILY: Alright, Edward you little faker. Get back up there and I dare you to hug Jacob and apologize.

JACOB AND EDWARD: What?

SETH: Hey, but you just said-

EMILY: I know what I said, and I stand by. But I also happen to be the director and author of this fan fiction. Plus, I own TOD.

BELLA: Tod?

EMILY: Taser of Doom. Now, start apologizing!

FELIX: *whimpers in the background*

Edward gets up and hugs Jacob awkwardly.

EDWARD: *through gritted teeth* I'm. Sorry.

JACOB: It's cool. Just stop. Touching. Me. _Now_.

EMILY: Well, I suppose I'm satisfied. Here's one from my friend Nicole:

**truth for emmett. at the beginning of emmett's anre roses's romance did emmett ever cheat? has he ever liked bella?  
a truth for felix. do u like bella. and last but not least a dare for aro and jane. i dare jane 2 inflict pain on aro for 5 minutes.  
thats it. :)**

ROSALIE: Well?

EMMETT: Who, me? Cheat? Heh… heh… *eh-hem*

ROSALIE: …You jerk.

BELLA: At least it's reassuring to know that Edward wasn't the only one.

EDWARD: I didn't—

EMMETT: But with Bella.

ROSALIE: *sarcastic much* Glad we cleared that up.

BELLA: What do you bet it was that Kristen girl again?

ROSALIE: Good. Let's go kill her.

EMMETT: Guys, there is no-

EDWARD: You know what, just let it go. They're girls; there's not much more we can do. Aside from change the topic. Felix's turn!

Everyone turns towards Felix to see he's still rolling around the floor and behaving generally like a schizophrenic.

CARLISLE: …I'm going to take that as a 'no'.

JANE: My turn! *immediately begins torturing Aro*

ALICE: Well, she didn't hesitate at all.

Some amount of time later that's probably more than 5 minutes…

DEMETRI: Hey, are you going to be stopping her anytime soon?

EMILY: *thinks* Nah. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for today! Remember to keep sending in your truths and dares, and I'll see you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!

JACOB: Don't do it! It's a trick!

EMILY: *tases Jacob* Please ignore the werewolf. He's clearly delusional.


	4. Episode 4

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 4

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: 7-ish reviews since our last show! Whoohoo!

JACOB: Get over yourself.

EMILY: Don't worry. There were some pretty good ones for you in there.

JACOB: *horrified look*

EMILY: Anywho, let's jump right in again. I could pick one to start with, since they were all so good, so I'll just go in the order they were went in. First off is from Kyranicle:

**I shall dare Edward to lap dance Alice!  
And I want the truth from Rose if she's ever kissed another boy during her and Emmetts relationship! :D  
Also! I dare Jacob to KISS EDWARD ON THE LIPS! (Tell Jacob that if he or Edward say no, that I know where they live! Hehe...)  
Eh, what te heck! I want the truth from Jasper if he's ever had "dirty thoughts" about someone other than Alice!  
I hope you put that taser to good use on these truths and dares! ;)  
P.S. Tell Edward I think he's hot!**

EMILY: *evil look*

CARLISLE: …Well, it's nice someone's having fun over here.

Edward sighs and gets up as the rest of the cast watches, unsure whether to be excited or horrified. Alice sees what he's going to do as he warms up beforehand, the appalled look on her face only rousing the guest up more. Finally Edward does his dare and quickly runs back to his seat to hide his embarrassment.

BELLA: I can't believe you just did that in front of me.

ALICE: I can't believe I had to see you do that twice.

EDWARD: If it helps, Alice was thinking that I should've been you the whole time.

BELLA: It doesn't. As tempting as the idea is, you looked very professional out there, leading me to believe that it wasn't your first. Rosalie and I have secretly joined forces to find this dirty Kristen girl and teach her a lesson.

EDWARD: Oh, for the love of—

ESME: *changing the subject* Rosalie, it's your turn.

ROSALIE: Oh, yeah. What was my truth again?

EMMETT: You're supposed to say if you kissed another guy during our relationship.

ROSALIE: Ah. Can I lie to you?

EMMETT: If you think it'll make things better.

ROSALIE: Okay, good. Because I've absolutely never kissed, if fact, I haven't even checked out any other man except for you.

EMMETT: Well, that's a relief!

Beat.

EMMETT: Wait, was that the lie?

EMILY: Okay, I'll take that. Next up, Jake and Eddie!

BOTH: _No_.

EMILY: Apparently the viewer knows where you live.

JACOB: Like that scares me. There is absolutely no way I'll kiss that _thing_.

EDWARD: My thoughts exactly.

EMILY: I suppose you're right. I mean, why kiss when you can always—

EDWARD: Okay, stop right there! And I read your mind, and I _don't_ like where it's going.

JACOB: Why? What was she thinking?

EDWARD: If I told you, you'd probably kill yourself.

BELLA: Oh, just shut up and kiss already!

BOTH: How can you say that?

BELLA: You're both such wimps. Besides, maybe this is just the thing you need to start getting along together.

JACOB: Or just the thing to traumatize us for the rest of our lives.

EDWARD: …You better have brushed your teeth this morning.

Edward and Jacob awkwardly get close, when Bella steps in and shoves their faces together because it was taking too long. Right away they break apart and begin making faces accompanied by odd gurgling noises.

EDWARD: I have to go wash my mouth out. Now.

JACOB: Same.

They both run into the bathroom to go do so.

JASPER: In that case, I shall take this opportunity to say that, unlike all these other cheating couples, maybe aside from Caslisle and Esme, Alice and I remain loyal to each other.

ALICE: That's just because I'd know if you were going to try something.

JASPER: Well, yeah. That too.

EMILY: You guys are boring. *tases Jasper for no reason whatsoever*

ALICE: What was that for?

EMILY: It's not my fault! They said to put the taser to good use and I hadn't done so yet!

JASPER: *struggling to get back up* That was _good use?_

EMILY: …Maybe not. I didn't expect Edward and Jacob to do theirs.

ESME: They're sure taking a long time to get back. Do you think they're okay?

ARO: *calling to them* Hey, get back in here! She's gonna read the next review!

BOTH: Then we'll take our time.

JANE: Wimps.

EMILY: Here's one from TeamSteward05:

**My truth is for Bella...if you could only save Edward or Jacob from death who would you save?  
My Dare is for Jasper I dare you to kiss Rosalie**

BELLA: I actually don't think I could really save either of them myself… but if it's about picking? I don't know. That's not really a fair question. I mean, I love Edward, but I couldn't live with myself if I let Jacob…

EMILY: Let's find out! *shoots a bazooka that seems to have appeared out of nowhere towards the bathroom*

EDWARD AND JACOB: What the—

BELLA: *girlfriend instincts kick in* No, Edward! I'll save you! *races towards the bathroom*

EMILY: Well, there you go. *fondling bazooka* Now, I wonder where this came from?

A couple minutes later, they both stagger in rather bruised and pissed off.

JACOB: Uncalled for!

EDWARD: I know shooting us with a bazooka was _not_ in the dare!

SAM: How'd they know it was a bazooka?

EMILY: Hey, don't be mad at me! Quick, Jasper, kiss Rosalie before they can hate me even more!

BOTH: We already hate you with passion.

Jasper, relieved that he at least wasn't in any yaoi pairing, kisses Rosalie. Who then punches him in the face.

JASPER: Hey, it was a dare!

ROSALIE: I know that.

EMILY: Okay, next up is from Autumnlovesvampyres:

**Ok for my truth and dare!  
Truth is for Edward. Do you think your sexy?  
Dare is for Aro. I dare you to sing to Justin beiber while wearing a dress. Mwahahahaaha. Sorry.  
Oh! You guys rock! (;**

EDWARD: Um, duh.

BELLA: Edward!

EDWARD: But it's true.

JACOB: God, what a narcissist.

EDWARD: Oh, I'm the narcissist? Don't you think you're sexy?

JACOB: Well, of course! I'm definitely the sexiest person in this whole stupid game! Of course, I already knew that, but it's nice to hear it from you.

EDWARD: I never meant—

EMILY: Guys, guys! Break it up. Aro, would you please step into the bathroom, as changing in front of us wasn't part of the dare? You'll find the dress Edward was wearing earlier on a hanger. Hopefully it'll fit you.

ARO: Damn you. *walks away melodramatically*

EMILY: And while he's doing that, Autumn, don't be sorry. The maniacal laugh is key, and a lot of good bad guys forget that, so I have to respect you for it. At least that's what I learned from Dr. Horrible, and of course you have to believe everything you read on the internet, right?

ALL: Uh…

A little while later Aro bursts into the room wearing a princess ball gown and using a toothbrush as a microphone.

ARO: _  
There's gonna be one less lonely girl_

_I'm coming for you  
One less lonely girl_

_I'm coming for you  
One less lonely girl_

_I'm coming for you  
One less lonely girl_

_I'm coming for you  
There's gonna be one less lonely girl_

_I'm coming for you  
I'm gonna put you first_

_I'm coming for you  
I'll show you what you're worth_

_That's what I'm gonna do  
If you let me inside your world  
There's gonna be one less lonely girl_

ALL: *staring in disbelief*

ARO: What?

CAIUS: I'm concerned that you know the lyrics.

ARO: Well, they're not that hard?

MARCUS: *shaking his head in shame*

EMILY: Okay, I think we can manage to squeeze in one more today. Here's Eeddwwaarrddiloveya's:

**I dare Jacob to get tasered 10 times  
for truth I want Edward to tell bella rly how much you love her!I hope you and Bella are the happiest couple on earth.  
I love you Edward but if bella makes you happy then behappy w/ her.**

BELLA: Wow. People really love Edward.

EDWARD: Yes, but that doesn't matter to me, but they could never love me as much as I love you. I don't care how many times Kristen or Jacob tries to step in between us, or how many times this evil director sticks me in a dress or makes me demonstrate yaoi, it's you I'll always love. Bella, I love you. I know you'll find it hard to believe me if I tell you now how much you mean to me. I could hardly understand what I feel for you, knowing how to endure those long sleepless nights just thinking only of you. I've never been like this before. I just don't know how to pour out my feelings for you. I wanted to find the perfect words to make you realize how much I need you and love you, but words continue to elude me, what would they be? Something poetic? I'm sure it should be heartfelt and out of the ordinary. I'm afraid it's no use; every time I look at you, the words come out the same: I love you!

BELLA: Oh, Edward! *huggles*

ARO: …Did he seriously just get that last part from ?

JACOB: *being tases repeatedly the background*

EMILY: I'm glad this ended on a happy note. Until next time!


	5. Episode 5

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 5

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Welcome back! Wow, Episode 5 already. I feel like it was just earlier this week that was started.

EMMETT: It _was_ earlier this week.

EMILY: So our first review of the day is from-

ALICE: Ooh! Ooh! Can I read it?

EMILY: Um… okay. *passes note card to Alice*

ALICE: It's from a Mrs. Clearwater-Ivashkov

LEAH: Clearwater? Seth, do we know a Clearwater-Ivashkov?

SETH: *shaking his head* No, I don't think so.

ALICE:

**Hey pplz! For my truth and dare, I dare Edward and Jacob to french kiss. My truth is for Edward. Why did you have to stalk Bella you pervert?**

EDWARD: First of all, it is not stalking. I was… protecting her.

CARLISLE: They might have a point. Watching her sleep, following her around wherever she goes… that does appear a little stalker-ish, don't you agree?

EDWARD: She said she was fine with it!

BELLA: You know, I _can_ answer for myself.

EMILY: There's no need to have a debate about it. Let's just have they French kiss and be done with it.

JANE: Speaking of which, where did that dog go?

They all turn around do see Jacob sprawled out on the floor and passed out from being tased too many times.

EMILY: *guiltily* Okay, so I may've miscalculated exactly how many I was supposed to do. Just by a bit.

SAM: You're a horrible person and you're probably going to hell. Just letting you know right now.

EMILY: I figured as much, but at least all my friends will be there.

ALICE: *throws a bucket of water on Jacob* Hey, wake up, wolfboy.

JACOB: Meh… are we free yet?

EMBRY: No. But you have to French kiss Edward now.

JACOB: *jolts upright* Say what now?

EDWARD: Are you kidding me? But we already-

EMILY: _French_ kiss. If it were just to kiss again, I might let it pass, but as it's not…

BELLA: Now I'm not so sure if I'm okay with this. Tongue is just going a bit too far.

EMILY: Sucks for you, then. *pause* You may now start making out.

Jacob and Edward take their French kissing to the corner of the room, hoping not everyone will be looking that way. But don't worry; they all are. It doesn't seem as awkward the second time and clearly shows signs of improvement.

EMILY: You know, I think we need a gofer on this show.

ESME: And why's that?

EMILY: Because I just had a sudden craving for Starbucks hot chocolate. Okay, Seth, since you're one of the youngest ones here, you can be my new gofer.

SETH: Gopher? But I'm not a gopher, I'm a wolf!

EMILY: No, no! Gofer, as in, you go-fer coffee, go-fer reviews when they come in, and right now you're going to go-fer my Starbucks hot chocolate.

SETH: But-

EMILY: _Now._

SETH: Yes, Ma'am!

Seth runs off to go get the evil director her hot chocolate. By now Edward and Jacob have finished French kissing and returned to their seats.

EMILY: LaughterIsLife says:

**A side note to Aro: Try and kill me...I have my own wolf pack...  
anyway I dare Marcus to sit with the wolves for the rest of the show while one of them is phased next to him (I know how much he hates wolves)...for truth what is the packs opinion on imprinting?  
I love pretending this is real**

ARO: It appears to me that the viewers have developed some strange misperception that we're not actually being held hostage here. But as for your little 'side note', I would like to say right now not to worry. Once this is over, the Volturi plans on hunting down every one of you sick viewers, your own wolf pack or not.

CAIUS: But what about the Disney marathon?

ARO: That's after we hunt them down. Then we celebrate with a Disney marathon.

Marcus grumbles to himself as he gets up and squeezes his chair between Quil and Embry, who both phase and end up breaking their chairs in the process from the lack of thinking beforehand, which will need to be replaced by the next episode by our lovely new Gofer, Seth, who has just returned.

EMILY: Mmm… hot chocolate.

JACOB: Um, imprinting. It's… well…

LEAH: It's a terrible thing programmed into us to ruin our lives as we know it.

PAUL: Leah! Let's not be so melodramatic.

QUIL AND EMBRY: *attempting to answer the question in wolf-form without much success*

SAM: Imprinting is really hard to explain. It's not something I can just describe, but I can tell you, it feels wonderful. Like every time you look at them you know everything's going to be okay, and they're always on your mind so that when you-

EMILY: _Okay, _our next one is from Betsy:

**I dare Jacob to make out with Bellas choice of Leah, Jane or Rosalie for at least 10 minutes and either Seth for Leah, Alec for Jane or Emmett forr Rosalie has to give a play by play!**

EMILY: Wow. So many options on this one. Being the indecisive person that I am, how could I ever choose?

BELLA: Sorry, Jake, but I'm going to have to go with Leah. I'm not sure that makes it more or less awkward than if it were a vampire.

JACOB: That's okay. At least this viewer wasn't a slasher.

EMILY: Shame on you, Bella. You should've Jane.

BELLA: Why should I picked her?

EMILY: Because Alec hasn't been participating, but ah well. I'll try to get him later.

Jacob goes make out with Leah as the director sets her stopwatch.

SETH: Alright, uh… *winces* Well, right now Jacob and Leah and starting to embrace… Well, now the kissing has started. Neither of them look like they're enjoying it. Actually, not that I think about it, Leah might be… Um, they're really getting into it now. Geez, this is so weird…

EMILY: Keep going.

SETH: What else am I supposed to say? It's hard enough to watch, even more so to commentate. They're making out. Passionately. What else is there?

EMILY: Fine. You get effort points.

They stop as the 10 minutes are up and sit back down without a word.

EMILY: *breaking the awkward silence* Okay, do we have time for one more?

ALL: No.

EMILY: All right, I'll take that as a yes! Here's another one from Mrs. Clearwater-Ivashkov:

**Now I want to dare Jane to use her powers on Edward for half an hour. My truth is for Edward. Did you ever think of naughty things while watching Bella sleep?  
Emily, U rock and always will. Edward sucks! **

EMILY: Aww, I'm flattered.

EDWARD: And I'm deeply offended by that remark which you so boldly stated. And no, of course not!

BELLA: Edward! You mean you never thought of anything naughty with me?

EDWARD: What? No, I mean, of course I thought about kissing you and stuff, but nothing quote-on-quote 'naughty'.

EMILY: You have to understand, he's very protective of the big V. That's why we call him the 100 Year Old Virgin.

EDWARD: Excuse me?

EMILY: Jane, quick! Use the force!

JANE: The what?

ARO: She means your powers.

JANE: Oh. Okay.

Jane begins torturing Edward as Bella watches in horror. Jacob pulls out a bag of popcorn as to enjoy his 'revenge' from the whole taser thing last time. This goes on for the remaining half hour of the show.

EMILY: Well, this has been fun and all, but we really should be wrapping it up now.

EDWARD: Fun for who, exactly?

EMILY: So I'll catch you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare and look forward to reading more or your reviews! Au revoir!


	6. Episode 6

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 6

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Hello! I just had a sleepover with a friend last night, so I might appear a bit less hyper than usual, meaning I'll be in need of some caffeine, the #1 cure-all. Say, where'd that gofer go? Oh, hey, Seth! Go pick me up a vanilla bean, will'ya?

SETH: Yes Ma'am! *runs off*

EMILY: Okay, now that that's taken care of… We all know the drill by no, so, as I can't think of any more original way to begin until Seth comes back with my vanilla-y goodness, I'll just start reading off the reviews. First is one from Confederatebat:

**Hi, loving the story, my truth is for jacob-Have you ever liked Edward in that way and i dare Jasper to Strip down to his boxers. P.S. tell jazz i love him**

JACOB: Do you even have to ask? Of course not. I hate Edward, and I always will.

EDWARD: Same. I mean, with you.

EMILY: Oh, I don't know. I'm seen some yaoi artwork that begs to differ…

ARO: You sick child.

EMILY: Hey, I didn't go looking for it! I swear!

JASPER: You love me, huh? *in the middle of pulling down his pants* Well, you certainly have an odd way of showing it…

ALICE: Wow. No hesitation at all.

ROSALIE: That really says something, doesn't it?

Jasper strips down to his boxers and sits back down, feeling very self-conscious.

EMILY: All right, here's one from a Mind the music:

**This is soooo good! I dare Alec to lick the floor and for my truth I want to know if Edward knows that right before he called pretending to be Carlisle Bella and Jake were about to kiss!**

EMILY: Oh, good! It's about time Alec got involved. And as for the rest of you who haven't done anything yet… don't worry. You're time will come eventually.

ALEC: *spacing out*

CHELSEA: Hey, Alec! Wake up!

ALEC: *snaps back in* Hmmn? What was that?

DEMETRI: You've got a dare. Like the floor.

ALEC: Aw, you've got to be kidding me. What is this, elementary school?

JANE: *rolls eyes* Just do it.

ALEC: *makes an uncomfortable face as he bends over and licks the floor*

EDWARD: …Wait, what did you just say?

JACOB: They asked if you know that Bella and I were about to kiss when you called that one time.

EDWARD: What! Bella, is this true?

BELLA: Oh, so it's perfectly fine for you to kiss Kristen, but the second _I'm_ feeling lonely…

EDWARD: How many times do I have to tell you? It's _not_ like that!

JACOB: Sure it is. You left Bella, I was there, she had feelings for me… After what you pulled, you had it coming.

EDWARD: I can't believe you would do that.

BELLA: Now you know what it feels like.

JACOB: You know, we can always start again where we left off last time?

EDWARD: Don't you dare!  
EMILY: Love triangles are so much fun… Oh, here's another one from Eeddwwaarrddiloveya. *reading it to herself quietly* I dare Edward to… taser… Emily… 70… *crumples up the review and shoves it in her pocket* Oh, wow, how weird is that? I can't seem to read this one. Hey, look, here's one from RoseWithThornS!

EDWARD: Wait a minute… what did that last one say?

EMILY: Oh, it's nothing. Some viewer just wanted you to get revenge on me or something like that. No big deal.

EDWARD: Hey, but then—

EMILY: *talking unusually loud*

**Ok, this is great. Emily you frighten me. It's wonderful.  
So first off, Rosalie you are my favorite! Apparently no one gets you. But don't worry, some one out there likes you besides your husband!  
So truth for Esme, if you had to kill one of your children which. (that's so evil I'm aware :D)  
And dare... Hmmmm... **plotting evilly** Leah. Please tell in deep detail your feelings for Sam. Thanks.  
This is great! Keep writing :)**

Seth runs back in just as she finishes and hands the director her vanilla bean.

EMILY: Great! Just in time… *takes a sip* Ah, so much better. All right, take it away Rose.

ROSALIE: Okay, um… thanks?

ESME: Yes, you are evil. How can I even answer that?

EMILY: That's because heroes are always so boring. Being a villain is just a lot more fun.

ESME: Really. There is no way I could ever kill another family member.

JACOB: How about you kill Edward? Let's face it; falling in love with a human? He really is such a disappointment to the family.

EDWARD: Hey!

ESME: That's not true!

EMILY: If you can't answer the question then we'll sit here until you do.

ESME: That's not fair. You know I can't pick one.

ALL: *waiting*

ESME: Stop staring at me! I'm not going to say.

ALICE: Come on. Just say you'll kill me so we can move on.

ESME: But I would never—

ARO: Okay, she'd kill Alice. Next!

ESME: That's not what I—

CARLISLE: Just let it go, dear. It's not like you really have to. Plus, I want this episode to be over so we can take a break.

ESME: But… but…

EMILY: Okay, Leah, you're turn!

LEAH: You really like difficult questions, don't you? To be honest, yes, I still like Sam. Sometimes he pisses me off and I can't stand that he left me for the other Emily, but I know it's not really his fault. Although, sometimes I like to tell myself it is, because that way everything would be a lot easier. So basically I like Sam and want the best for him, but at the same time I hate him with a burning passion. I hope you could follow that.

QUIL: Aww.

LEAH: Oh, shut up!

EMILY: Well, that's all I've got right now, so I guess that's it for today. TTFN – ta ta for now! And keeps sending in those reviews!


	7. Episode 7

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 7

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

There's been a change in pace today. The director appears to have been in a particularly good mood and treated the cast to Pinkberry… or at least, those who aren't vampires and can actually eat frozen yogurt.

JACOB: *with his mouth full* So what's with the change of heart?  
EMILY: There wasn't one. I just had bruised my hand from learning rifle spins in color guard, re-watched The Two Towers, and developed the strangest Pinkberry craving.

BELLA: How do those even have anything to do with each other?

EMILY: *shrugs between spoonfuls* Okay, but now it's time to get serious. You can keep eating your yogurt, but we'll be continuing with the truths and dares. So, here's another one from Mind the music:

**Wow this is super funny! Thanx for putting my truth and dare stuff in!  
Dare: I dare Emmett... to spray cheez whiz in Rose's hair! (She'll kill him! HaHaHa! ;D)  
Truth: Does Edward know that Bella, Jacob, and Mike Newton all went on a date to the movies and that both boys tried to hold her hand?  
(Edward you're rude and overbearing and Bella you're a whiny clingy brat that chose the wrong guy!)**

BELLA AND EDWARD: We're going to pretend we didn't hear that.

EMMETT: That actually sounds like fun.

ROSALIE: *dead serious* Don't you dare.

EMILY: *pulls out a can of Cheez Wiz and tosses it to Emmett*

ARO: How did she just happen to have that with her?

MARCUS: Makes you wonder what else she has stashed in there…

EMILY: Oh, you'd be surprise. But we won't get into that quite yet.

And thus, the fight began. Within several minutes Emmett and Rosalie could be seen tackling each other and an epic battle (as the can didn't quite stay in either one's possession for long). By the end, both participants were worn out and covered head-to-toe in icky melted plastic-like fake cheese substance.

SAM: At least the frozen yogurt's safe.

EMBRY: Amen to that!

ROSALIE: This isn't over. As soon as this episode's over, I'm taking a shower and then I _will_ have to kill you.

EMMETT: That's okay; I'm always up for another Cheez Wiz fight! Next time everyone should join in.

ROSALIE: Don't worry. I plan on your death involving much more than fake cheese.

COLLIN: It's not fake!

JARED: Aw, man. Now the cheese smell's messing up the frozen yogurt atmosphere…

EMILY: Well, that was fun. So, Edward. Did you?

EDWARD: I'm trying… very hard… to stay calm.

BELLA: Edward, relax! I didn't hold either of their hands. And there were supposed to be more girls with us, but things came up, and it just got awkward, okay?

JACOB: Exactly. Bella, tell your boyfriend to take a chill pill. As I recall, he had abandoned you by that point, am I correct?

EDWARD: It's more complicated than that.

BELLA: Guys, this is no time for another fight. The real question is, how do these viewers appear to know anything and everything about us? It's creepy, kind of like… they've been watching us.

ALL: *look around suspiciously*

EMILY: About that… Well, what do you know, we've got another review! *eh-hem* It's from I love mike chang 28:

**I love this! I just want everyone to know that...  
TEAM SETH IS THE REAL DEAL! Forget Jacob! (Sorry Jake, ya know I still love you...BUT ya gotta admit that Seth is way better than you. :p )  
so I'm gonna save Seth! I dare Seth to not be gofer anymore! and truth...hmm. I don't really have a truth.  
ps- I LOVE SETH! (but not in a freaky stalker sorta way, I SWEAR.)**

JACOB: That's what they all say.

SETH: *look of 100% appreciation*

LEAH: Oh, get over yourself.

EMILY: But wait! There's a backside *flips card over*:

**oh! oh! oh! I thought of another dare. mkay. so I saved Seth from being gofer, but seeing as you can't live or function properly without one...I'm gonna pick you another one. hmm... I dare Alec to be your new gofer, only cuz he hasn't been participating much. =]**

EMILY: Much better.

JANE: Did you hear that, Alec? You're the new gofer.

ALEC: …Damn you.

EMILY: In retaliation to that, I'm making you clean up all the Pinkberry and Cheez Wiz after the episode.

ALEC: That's not fair! Couldn't you have picked someone else who hasn't done hardly anything, like Caius or, I don't know, Felix or something?

EMILY: Don't be ridiculous. Felix is completely useless; the minute I pull out my taser he goes into a hormonal breakdown. Speaking of which, I haven't had to use that thing for some time now… or my bazooka. I wonder where that went to, anyway? I have a bad habit of putting things down and forgetting about them. Hm… that could be bad in the wrong hands around here.

Beat.

EMILY: Aw, well! Here's one from Tell it to my heart:

**Hello Cullens, Volturi, nd wolf people. I really love all the twilight characters. OK ENOUGH WITH ALL THE LOVE. Now for a dare... Jacob I really don't like you neither do my friends so Jacob I dare u 2 let Emily shock u anytime she wants. For a truth Bella I want to know if you ever felt that Jacob is a giant baby. Btw Edward I'm here 4 your rescue Bella Kristen Stewart isan actress who plays u in 4 movies called Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Love this story. Team Vampire 4 ever**

ALL: Hello.

JACOB: Gee, thanks.

EMILY: No need to fret! I tase when I feel the sudden urge to, dare or not.

BELLA: Um… no, that's not exactly how I feel about him. Wait, what was that last part?

CARLISLE: That could explain how the audience seems to know everything.

EDWARD: Hold on! You're saying… our entire lives are really just part of a movie?

ARO: *sudden realization* So that's what's with the 'pretending it's real' stuff!

EMMETT: That's pretty heavy.

JACOB: Suddenly I feel so insignificant…

CAIUS: Are you sure that's true?

EMILY: Well, yeah. But, hey, this doesn't change our relationship or anything, right?

ALICE: Of course not. Most of still hate you just as much as we did before.

EMILY: That's a relief, then.

BELLA: So… you really swear you weren't involved with a Kristen?

EDWARD: On my existence.

CARLISLE: I still can't believe we're not real.

ESME: Maybe we should rent these movies?  
EMILY: Luckily for you, Breaking Dawn didn't come out yet, so we won't have to worry about spoilers. Besides, if knowing about something like this messes with your mind that much, I'd hate to think of what knowing about someone like Renesmee would do to you.

BELLA: Who?

EMILY: Exactly.

JASPER: Whoohoo! I'm in a movie!

ROSALIE: …Idiot.

EMILY: Now that we've taken care of that issue, I shall continue. This is from Pixie97:

**Alrighty! Make Jasper make Alice and Emmett have an unbelievably huge amount of lust for each other for ten min. During that ten min Alice should be giving Emmett a lap dance and kissing each other passionately. Rosalie has to give the play by play the entire time.  
Tell Edward he sucks and Bella she is selfish.  
Make Jasper give Bella lots if lust torwards Jacob for at least ten min and see what she does**

JASPER: Um… I'll see what I can do.

ALICE: You've got to be kidding me. There is absolutely no way I could – wow, you look unusually stunning today, Emmett.

EMMETT: It's strange. I've never… felt this way about you before.

EDWARD: Good god…

ROSALIE: Don't you dare, Emmett!

QUIL: Dude. He's still covered in Cheez Wiz.

Alice and Emmett immediately begin a little make-out/lap dance session while Rosalie does her best to narrate the events. As soon as the 10 minutes are up Alice and Emmett immediately snap back to their usual selves, stare in horror as they realize when they've just done, and race back to their seats.

ROSALIE: That has to have been the single most awkward thing I've ever done.

EMILY: Edward, you suck and Bella is selfish.

EDWARD: That was uncalled for.

EMILY: Sorry. That's what the review said. Okay, Jasper, one more to go!

JASPER: Sorry about this…

Without a word, Bella jump on top of Jacob and begins doing some things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in a T-rated fan fiction as Edward tries to pry them apart.

EMILY: *while this is going on* Sorry, but that's all we have time for today! Besides, I probably should let Rosalie go wash her hair out before she gets any more angsty than she already is, and Alec ought to be getting started on cleaning up this mess soon. Ha, you thought I forgot, didn't you.

ALEC: *unpleasant grumbling*

EMILY: So thanks for tuning in and we'll look forward to seeing your reviews next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	8. Episode 8

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 8

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: I've been watching too much Glee lately. Therefore, I think we should turn Twilight: Truth or Dare into a Twilight Glee Club.

EDWARD: Hell no.

EMILY: No, hear me out: we can get some really cool matching show choir costumes, I'm sure I can manage to find some good songs, the room has a great echo-

ARO: You wouldn't dare.

EMILY: But-

JACOB: Just don't even go there.

EMILY: *pouts* You guys are so boring. Fines, then I guess I'll just read off this review from someone called HI:

**okay first off i LOVE yur story,emily, its hilarious! yur soo insane!  
side note to *aro* dalmations 101 is a pretty good movie too  
time for truth MHUHAHA this one goes tooooo Carlisle! time to fess up that "pregnant man" story that jasper mentions earlier on! as for dare.. hmm goes to Jacob! dare u to be used by Alice as a doll for wearing "heavy" make-up and a dress.. quil, u need to describe jake after his make-over using lots of adjective  
love y'all!**

EMILY: I'll take that as a compliment.

ARO: *pulls out his pad of paper to make a note of this*

CARLISLE: Ugh. I thought we'd all forgotten about that. Alright, it's really not as bad as Emmett made it sound. There was this guy at the hospital one day who was wheeled in with a gigantic stomach and long hair. I swear, I thought it was a girl.

EMMETT: Oh, oh! I wanna tell the last part! So then, he goes around making all the preparations for a woman about to give birth when another nurse comes up and tells him the patient's a guy!

CARLISLE: You could've just as easily made the same mistake!

EMMETT: He had facial hair.

CARLISLE: It was blonde, from far away you couldn't-

EMMETT: Just stop arguing and admit that you were just being an idiot.

CARLISLE: It wasn't that bad!

ALICE: *jumps up excitedly and drags Jacob kicking and screaming into the bathroom with her*

Several minutes later, Jacob reenters in the same ball gown from before (because the director couldn't be bothered to pick out another) and heavy makeup using multiple shades of pink and blue.

EDWARD: Haha! Revenge!

QUIL: *snickering* Well, he does look rather dashing. Or perhaps elegant would be a better word? Uh, he's get this very Beauty and the Beast-looking dress… It doesn't fit quite right around the chest area, probably more breast room than he can fit into, but the matching gloves do make a nice addition. I don't know, I guess it does flatter his figure, don't you think? But the makeup… Sorry, Jake, but pink just isn't your color. Especially when it's put next to that powdery, baby blue. But I've got to hand it to you, Alice, the sparkles around the eyes and lips really did him justice.

JACOB: *unpleasant grumbling as finishes modeling and sits back down*

QUIL: Hey, but I wasn't done yet! I didn't even get to the lace, lip gloss, and blush yet!

JACOB: The dress is too long. If I walk around in it any long I'm probably going to end up tripping and falling on my face… and it's way too airy in down-there areas. I can't possibly understand how girls could put up with that.

ARO: Really? Because I always thought that was the best part. Almost like you're flying. You should really see if there's an air vent around here to stand over, I bet—

JANE: Okay, you can just stop right there.

EMILY: Um… okay, then. Moving along, this is from Eeddwwaarrddiloveya:

**I dare you to KILL JACOB!Don't worry you don't have to because my army of newborns vampires and shapshifters w/ powers will do the job!=)And for truth I want Jacob to just tell us all hes can't hide iis jacob!ITS OK TO BE GAY!**

JACOB: *blinks* Pardon?

EMILY: Yeah. Let's not kill our cast. That might sound fun at first, but even I have some morals, believe it or not, and then we'd probably regret it later.

SAM: Probably?

CAIUS: Guys, should we be concerned about this army of newborn vampires and shapeshifters?

MARCUS: I'm sure it's just big talk. Didn't someone mention another wolf pack earlier or something?

JACOB: …But I'm not gay.

EMMETT: You know, the dress does give that impression. No offense.

JACOB: I like Bella; everyone knows that.

BELLA: It's just a dare, Jacob.

JACOB: I guess… I'm gay, then?

LEAH: I'm so proud of you, Jake! Finally coming out of the closet.

JACOB: Oh, would you just shut up?

EMILY: So here's another review from LaughterIsLife:

**Ok...this time I dare Leah to tase Sam for fifteen minutes, I also dare Rosalie to dye Edward's hair hot pink as for truth, this one is for Paul, do you have a secret obsession with The Jersey Shore? Have a nice day leeches, Emily, and the amazing wolfpack**

ARO: *offended* _Leeches_?

LEAH: *immediate jumps up, grabs the director's taser, and begins tasing Jacob*

JACOB: *writhing in pain*

EMILY: Heyheyhey, careful with that taser! It's one-of-a-kind!

ALICE: Don't get the dress dirty!

SAM: Oh, I see. So everyone's more worried that the taser and dress are okay, but Jacob's physical stability is of no concern to anyone?

JASPER: Pretty much.

ROSALIE: Alright, has anyone seen any pink hair dye lying around here?

EMILY: Bathroom, second drawer to your right.

Rosalie drags Edward into the bathroom with her. When he comes back out his hair's a nifty shade of hot pink.

EDWARD: My hair is pink.

CARLISLE: I wonder how long that's going to take to wash out.

EDWARD: My hair is _pink_.

PAUL: The Jersey Shore? Of course not. If I were to admit to something like that – which I'm not, don't get me wrong – it obviously wouldn't be a secret any more, now would it?

EMILY: You have a nice day too! Now here's another one from Tell it to my heart:

**I loved loved loved it. Jacob I still don't like u. I dare Jane to inflict the most painfullest (my imaginary word) amour of pain on you for the rest off the episode. For a truth... Alice if you would have to choose between saving Jasper or your entire wardrobe from a fire which would  
you choose and why? Emmett I love u very much. Rosalie shut ur yap I have wolverine as my older brother and his claws cut through concrete, two sheets of metal nd vampire skin all at the same time. So Emmett's mine. All mine Mwhahahahaha *titmh's sister comes in* I'm sorry I let her have sugar. *ashamed* ;}**

EMILY: Aw. Hearing that makes me so happy happy happy!

ALICE: You weirdo.

JACOB: Gee, thanks… and so soon after being tased and still in a dress.

JANE: *oh-so-delightfully-evil smile* I love my dares so far. *begins torturing Jacob*

EMILY: Don't worry; we'll probably only do one more set after this. Then you can join Felix in the corner of the room and swap traumatizing stories, if you feel obligated to and he's up for talking. Jacob, are you even listening to me?

JACOB: *rolling around in and whimpering dramatically*

BELLA: *bites her lip in sympathy*

ALICE: How could you even ask that? Of course I'd pick Jasper. As much as I love my clothes, it's not like I can't buy new ones, but I'll never find another Jasper in perfect condition.

EMILY: That's good to hear, because right now my hired assassin is burning down your closet at home.

ALICE: *jumps to her feet and shoves Jasper's chair over* Not my precious clothes! I take it back, I don't need him in more!

JASPER: Alice?

EMILY: …Calm down, I'm just messing with you. I wish I had a hired assassin, though. That would be _so_ cool.

CARLISLE: Let's be thankful you don't.

ROSALIE: Wolverine, huh? Is that supposed to intimidate me or something? Because it doesn't, and if you try anything with my Emmett, I'll kill you.

EMMETT: *excited* Your brother's a super hero? Can I meet him?

ROSALIE: *punches Emmett* On second thought, knock yourself out. He's an idiot.

EMILY: *muttering to herself* I want sugar…

BELLA: Oh, no you don't!

EDWARD: *completely zoned into his own world* My hair is _pink_…

EMILY: Killjoy. All right, as promised, one more review. But since the next one would conflict with Jane's last dare and seeing as Jacob's probably not in any fit state to do it at the moment, we'll save that one until next episode and use Mind the music's one:

**Ooooooo! thank you again for putting my review in including that little tid bit about hating Bella and Edward. This story is so funny and super good!  
Truth:Why is Felix so afraid of the taser?  
Dare: I dare Bella the brat to shave Esme's head bald!**

EMILY: Oh, it's no big deal. I'd just gotten my taser and wanted to test out its new features, and since he happened to be there…

CHELSEA: You tased him for hours straight.

EMILY: I had to make sure all the settings and different modes worked right.

CHELSEA: That's no excuse.

EMILY: I'm sorry?

ARO: Liar.

EMILY: I may be a lot of things, including a director/writer, actor, nerd, super villain, mermaid, and several other things that are probably best left unannounced, but I am not a liar! I mean every word I ever say ever. Because I. Own. A taser!

ALL: …

EMILY: That's what I thought. *pulls an electric razer out of ther Bag of Doom and tosses it to Bella* Hurry up, the faster you shave the fast Jacob gets a break.

BELLA: But that'll take forever to-

EMILY: Or we can wait.

BELLA: Sorry, Esme.

ESME: *closes her eyes* Tell me when it's over.

SETH: Trust me; you'll know when it's over.

Bella shaves Esme's head to everyone's horror.

ESME: *breaks down crying*

CARLISLE: *hugs her* It's okay, you're still pretty to me.

EMILY: I'm surprised how much the viewers and I are getting away with here. Well then, I guess that's it, so you can stop now, Jane.

JANE: *not listening*

BELLA: Jane, stop!

JANE: Come on, just another minute. I never get to use my powers like this… *sigh* Fine. *releases Jacob*

JACOB: *gasp, wheeze, hack*

EDWARD: *staring into a handheld mirror* I _guess_ I can pull off this color…

EMILY: Well, that's all for today, folks! In the mean time, Alec, go pick up a wig for Esme. And not a Hannah Montana one or something stupid like that because if you think it's funny, it's not.

ALEC: *runs off to perform his official gofer duties*

EMILY: Until next time!


	9. Episode 9

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 9

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: *smiles* Good morning Cullens, Quileutes, Volturi!

BELLA: I see you're in an unusually pleasant mood today. Who'd you abduct this time?

EMILY: Very funny. If you must now, I've recent found out I'll be getting my braces off in about a week! And as soon as that happens I'm going to send Alec on a shopping errand in order to celebrate with more gum and soda than I've ever had in my entire life. Oh, and an apple, like Barbossa! Except mine will probably have caramel on it, and possibly look like Mickey's pants if I manage to get a hold of one like the ones I saw at Disneyland.

JACOB: *just as grumpy as the director is happy* That's great for you.

EMILY: What do you know? You can at least _pretend_ to be happy for me. And hey, I see Alec found you a wig! Nice look.

ESME: I went with him to help pick it out. And I'll never forgive you for this.

EMILY: Hey, don't look at me! Bella did it.

ESME: You made her.

EMILY: *holds hands up innocently* But the review made me! You know I don't call the shots; the viewers make the rules.

EMMETT: Yeah right.

SAM: That's never stopped you before.

EMILY: Okay, you got me. But I still deny having any responsibility for anything that happens. Of course, in the case of a compliment, I'll take credit.

CARLISLE: Credit, but not responsibility. Typical fan fiction writer.

EMILY: …Right. In any case, I refuse to let your melodramatic blabbering ruin my good mood. First one's from Eeddwwaarrddiloveya:

**I dare Jacob to walk to mikes N.'s place and french kiss Mike Newton And then yell "I love ya Mike its ok to be gay!"  
For truth I want to know whos your fav. jersy shore characeter!**

JACOB: You've got to be kidding me. I am not gay!

EDWARD: Sure you aren't.

JACOB: Piss off, Frenchy.

EDWARD: Hey, watch it!

JACOB: But if I must… I suppose it _would_ be nice to mess with little Mike's mind.

EDWARD: Suuure…

JACOB: Say that one more time and the Grease insults will keep coming. *leaves to do his dare*

BELLA: But how does he even know where Mike lives?

ARO: And how do you know he'll do it?

SAM: If he's smart he'll run away.

EMILY: Remember my Bag of Doom? One of the many things in it is a Magic Mirror of Doom, which is hooked up to hidden cameras all over the world.

ALICE: Why is everything 'of doom' with you?

EMILY: Oh, don't even get me started on that list! There's my Miracle Brush of Doom, my Bora Bora Chapstick of Doom, my Jarjar Binks Band Aid of Doom, my Kingdom Hearts Video Game of Doom, my…

ROSALIE: Okay, we get the idea.

EMILY: I rest my case.

DEMETRI: Although I don't think any of us actually know what point you were trying to prove.

EMILY: Shut up. Paul, I think the truth was directed at you.

PAUL: How should I know? As I said before, I don't watch that show, so I have no way of knowing who the characters are. But now that you mention, there is this one Sammi girl who's kinda cute… who I wouldn't even know was on the show except that I heard about it from, uh, a friend and just happened to look up a picture. Just, you know, out of curiosity. But! I'm imprinted on Rachel, so it's not like that means anything, even if I did watch the show. Which I don't.

COLLIN: Aren't we glad that's cleared up.

EMILY: I guess I'll read the next one while we wait for Jacob to get back. This is by LaughterIsLife:

**Hola Emily, bloodsuckers, and wolves.  
Right Paul no secret obsession...I'm pretty sure you want to get with Sammi Sweetheart...anyway this time I dare Emmett , Sam, and Paul to dress up as Alice and Rosalie see fit to dance around the studio singing I Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus. For truth, I was wondering, Embry, do you have a sick obsession with Ke$ha?  
This keeps getting better!**

PAUL: *whistling idly*

ALICE AND ROSALIE: But—

EMILY: Emmett, Sam, Paul: you have the next half an hour to race to the Cullen's house, change into Alice and Rosalie's clothes, and be back to model for us preferably before Jacob gets-

JACOB: *walks back in*

EMMETT: Good timing. Did you do it?

EMILY: Let's find out!

The director pulls out her Magic Mirror of Doom and somehow gets it to play back what happened at Mike's.

_Instant Replay_

_MIKE: *opens the door* Hello?_

_JACOB: *starts French kissing Mike seemingly out of nowhere*_

_MIKE: *passes out*_

_JACOB: *while leaving* "I love ya Mike, it's okay to be gay!"_

_Instant Replay Fin_

EMBRY: I guess he did it.

BELLA: Wow, Jake. It's like I don't even know you anymore.

JACOB: But it was just a dare!

EMILY: Alright, boys, your half an hour starts now. Then I start looking for my bazooka, because I know it has to be around here somewhere, and I've already searched the entire set twice…

DARE VICTIMS: Roger, roger!

A little less than a half hour later…

EMBRY: …and I don't see why you should even accuse me of that. I mean, who _doesn't_ like her music? It's catchy.

QUIL: You have a TiK ToK loop set as your alarm clock.

EMBRY: Like that's supposed to prove anything!

Suddenly the doors burst open and in run the Miley Cyrus Brigade, dressed in clothing right out of Rosalie and Alice's wardrobe.

EMMETT: _I can't be tamed, I can't be saved_

SAM: _I can't be blamed, I can't, can't_

PAUL: _I can't be tamed, I can't be changed_

EMMETT: _I can't be saved, I can't be_

SAM AND PAUL: _Can't be_

ALL: _I can't be tamed!_

There's a long pause after the three pose, waiting for an applause that doesn't come.

ALICE: I'm oddly turned on by that.

JASPER: *gets an idea*

ROSALIE: I can't believe a werewolf wore my clothes.

BELLA: That was… disturbing.

EMILY: Now, here's an Autumnxvolturi one:

**Oohhmmmmgggg I am so team Felix! Hehe best vamp ever! And Emily you scare me but you still rock!  
Truth: bella, Do you prefer edward or Jacob shirtless?  
Dare: Edward I dare you to paint your shiny Volvo pink! And then make the interior purple. Ooh! And put flowers all over the car!  
Anyways I love this story! And Tell Jake he is sexy for me! Please update soon!**

DEMETRI: It's like she's making this up as she goes along.

JANE: Who, the director or the reviewer?

DEMETRI: Both.

EMILY: It says you're sexy, Jacob.

JACOB: *arms crossed and very pissy* Yes. I heard.

EMILY: I feel very special. I'm in a room with vampires and werewolves, but the majority of people seem to agree I'm the scariest one here.

BELLA: Um… I guess Edward, because it takes more effort to get his shirt off. After Jacob phased I think he donated all of his shirts or something.

EDWARD: Not the shiny Volvo! That thing's an icon!

ARO: Look on the bright side. It'll match your hair.

So Edward goes to pick up some paint cans and flowers. Since it's the last dare for the day, several volunteer cast members decided to help out with the car's new look, all having much more fun than Edward.

EMILY: And there you have it. Keep those truths and dares coming, and if you can't think of anything, please feel free to write just to say hi to everyone!


	10. Episode 10

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 10

RATING: R for Read with caution: this may in fact cause the loss of brain cells and 15% IQ decrease.

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Haha, today marks the 10th episode, and so far we've gotten a whopping 50 reviews! We're on a role here, and believe it or not I actually love every single one of you, viewer and innocent truth or dare victim, and not just because seeing you write how amazing I am makes my egotistic self happy. Although that is a contributing factor. With that being said, you all know what happens next!

ALL: No.

EMILY: You guessed it! Now I'll take the time to advertise for my other Harry Potter fan fictions, because they've been up for some time longer and only got one review, which kind of makes me sad, because I wasted good hours of my life on them when I could've been doing something productive like homework instead. They're a bit long, and probably not as out-there as these ones, but I'm kind of proud of them, so that's got to count for something, right? Okay, so enough about me, I'll get back to the Truth or Dare now (be thankful I don't include fan fiction-style product placements more often). I didn't feel like writing for the majority of the day because I was being lazy and while getting reviews faster than I can write parodies is fun and all and beats waiting around, it takes longer for me to stay up-to-date, and then had to go to musical theater camp because I'm in Footloose next Friday, and I started to fall behind on reviews. So without further adieu, this first review's from Tell it to my heart:

**hahahahahahaha yes it was supposed to intimidate you Rosalie jk u are 1 of my favorite characters cuz i kno nd felt what u went through any way enough with the sad stuff Emmett you cannot meet my brother he is really mad at you and is hunting you down now. dare: Alec you must and i mean MUST ask a random guy at walmart if he wants to go on a date with you then kiss him out of no where lol Truth: Alice im sorry for askin that question here is another one is the longest time you spent at the mall? Amazing story Emily. YOU ROCK!**

ROSALIE: Why do I doubt that?

EMMETT: Aw… *blink* Wait, what?

EMILY: Oh, Alec! While you're there can you pick of some things for me? I've written up a shopping list. Here. *hands him a slip of paper and a credit card*

ALEC: *takes items reluctantly* Don't be surprised if I come back with an unbelievably large bill for you.

EMILY: That's quite all right. It's hooked up to Carlisle's bank account.

CARLISLE: Hey!

ALICE: Well, there was this one time when I went on a shopping trip in the morning and managed to stay until they closed. The mall was closing so all the clothes were on sale, and I had to come back the next day.

After Alec leaves…

EMILY: Clearly patience is a virtue I don't possess, so we'll just go on to the next one and check up on him when he gets back. This is from Twilight Fan 011:

**omg i love ur story it is so funny... ok for jacob cause i dnt like dat much i dare him to have a full make-out session with alec and for bella i'm so sorry but is it true dat u like mike newton i'm so sorry agian i really adore u and edward**

JACOB: I simply can't understand why so many people hate me. What did I ever do?

EDWARD: I can ask the same thing.

EMILY: Eww, not my innocent gofer! Aw well, guess we'll just have to wait until he gets back. I say you glomp him on the way in, just to mess with him.

BELLA: I do not like Mike! You say that like there was any doubt that Edward and I were together.

EMILY: Right, then. Here's Wolfpack princess's:

**hi first off let me just say i totally LOVE Seth he's the hottest, nicest, and coolest wolf. So cause i love you so much i dare you to become Emily's assistant and help her torture the rest of the ! And as for truth i want Bella the Brat and User to tell Jacob the real reason why she got into motorcycles and asked him to fix them.**

EMILY: You know, I actually invited my friend Nicole, who posted to help get me started in our second episode, to be my DA. She's supposed to be starting tomorrow, as soon as my purchase for another taser is confirmed. He shall be called TOD II.

ARO: DA? What's that supposed to mean, Dark Arts, like from Harry Potter?

JANE: You would know that.

EMILY: Actually it stands for Director's Assistant.

CARLISLE: Don't you mean Assistant Director?

EMILY: Nope! Every once in a while I'll hire my personal friends to be my Director's Assistant, Director's Assistant's Assistant, Director's Assistant's Assistant's Assistant, and so on and so forth.

SAM: That doesn't even make any sense.

EMILY: Sure it does. Plus, that way when working on my Harry Potter scripts, I got to have a whole lot of fun mixing up acronyms for Director's Assistant (DA), Dumbledore's Army (DA), and Defense Against the Dark Arts, (DADA). But never mind that, the _point_ is, if I were to bring Nicole on as my DA then I'd have to promote Seth to DA with the dare, then demote him to DAA…

SETH: *so confused* Huh?

EMILY: You know what, why don't I just make you my Padawan?

SETH: *still confused*

EMILY: You know, like an apprentice. I'll train you to be an evil director in my image.

SETH: Whoohoo!

SAM: Traitor!

JACOB: *raises his hand* Question.

EMILY: Yes?

JACOB: Is Nicole as insane as you?

EMILY: For the most part no, but she has her moments. I think I'm a bad influence on her. Which is why I plan on getting the both of us high off of the sugar in the Malmart candy Alec brings back next time!

ALL: *exchange worried looks*

EMILY: Now that we've cleared that up Bella may continue.

BELLA: About that. Look, Jake… it sounds kind of stupid now, but after Edward abandoned-

EDWARD: *coughcough* _Left._ *cough*

BELLA: -me, after a while I started noticing that whenever I did anything dangerous, I could almost picture him, and hear him in my head. So when I got into the whole motorcycles thing…

JACOB: Great! You mean the whole time you were with me, you were thinking about _him_?

BELLA: Well, not exactly! I enjoyed spending time with you.

JACOB: …I can't believe you.

EMILY: *dreamily* Ah, don't these truths just bring out the love in people?

ESME: What part of that seemed loving to you?

EMILY: Next! NotSorry's review says:

**Hey! I love your story! It's hilarious. Edward- pink makes you look more gay than you already are. Alec- I love you, so I'm daring you to NOT be gofer anymore. That jobs goes to Edward, who I dare to wear a bright neon green spandex bodysuit for the rest of the fanfic. It'll go lovely with ur hair. For truth... Jacob, what's the dirtiest fantasy you've had abotu BellA? And make sure Edward is around to hear it, too. If he tries to escape, tase him. Repeatedly...  
So yah. I LOVE YOU ALEC! EDWARD's A POOFTER! BELLA'S A CLUMBSY, STUPID COW! ALICE! You rock! You can use me as a barbie doll anytime, i wish I had your fashion sense! Kisses to Alec! I love you baby! You rock!  
Oh yeah. And I love ur fic, emily. Your insane, just like me!**

EDWARD: Gee, that really made my day. It's hard enough trying not to think about it, because really this whole 'pink' thing everyone's associating me with is really making me feel self-conscious.

EMILY: Wow, I'm going through gofers like Chuck Norris in mating season… And no offense to you, Edward, but having a gofer with neon pink hair and green spandex outfit is really going to hurt my reputation.

EDWARD: As mine.

EMILY: So let's hope that we find you a replacement soon. And that your natural hair color comes through soon, because that god-awful pink hurts my eyes and kind of makes you look like a cosplayer.

ARO: Or Sakura.

MARCUS: Who?

ARO: You know, from Naruto.

CAIUS: Who watches Naruto? That show's gay.

ARO: You're gay!

REST OF THE VOLTURI: …

EMILY: …Anywho, you can try this here neon green spandex bodysuit that I happen to have folded up in my Bag of Doom on for size.

JASPER: *genuinely surprised* You keep a neon green spandex bodysuit in your bag?

EMILY: I know, right? What a crazy random happenstance!

JACOB: Um… I'm not sure. I mean, I've certainly pictured myself doing it with Bella while riding off into the sunset one a white unicorn, but, uh…

LEAH: The unicorn just killed all the dirtiness of that fantasy.

JACOB: You know what, unicorns are cool! Everyone loves unicorns.

BELLA: I can't believe you just put that image in my head. That's just sick.

JACOB: Well, it's true.

EMILY: Aw, Edward, you were supposed to try and run away!

EDWARD: Why would I bother to do that? I've been through some pretty terrible and traumatizing things in here, so by this point I don't think anything can really surprise me.

EMILY: But I wanted an excuse to tase you… *dejected look*

SETH: Shall I do the honors, boss?

EMILY: *perks up* Be my guest, my lovely assistant!

The director hands Seth the taser, who begins his 'weapons training' excitedly, just as Alec walks back in.

ALEC: What did I miss?

EMILY: Nothing much. I'm firing you because Edward is supposed to be my new gofer, I've taken Seth in as my Padawan, and Edward's about to make out with you.

ALEC: Wh-

EDWARD: *Operation: Attack Make-out Session*

EMILY: That jerk; he just did the dare to stop Seth from tasing him. I say get him again for that sly trick!

SETH: *tases Edward again, knocking him over*

EMILY: *satisfied* You've done well, my young Padawan. Now I shall pull out my Magic Mirror of Doom once again and see if Alec did his dare.

_Not-so-instant replay_

_ALEC: Excuse me, do you work here?_

_RANDOM MALMART EMPLOYEE: Yes, may I help you?_

_ALEC: Yes. Would you like to go out sometime?_

_EMPLOYEE: But… I'm a guy? And I don't even know you, sinister yet ridiculously good-looking customer._

_ALEC: *kisses him* It was a dare. *leaves*_

_End replay_

SAM: Dude. You said it was a dare. That completely defeats the purpose of a dare!

EMILY: I'm literally this close to tasing you for that. But seeing as Seth used up the last of its battery on Edward, I'll have to wait until it's charged up. So do me a favor and stick your finger in the wall socket or something.

ALEC: It won't work on me.  
EMILY: Why not?

ALEC: Vampire.

EMILY: Curses, I've been foiled again. Alas! I see you've come back with the candy I wanted, so I'll be letting you off the hook just this once. Just don't try that again. *takes candy and stashes it under her chair for the next episode* By the way, don't any of you try anything with me and Nicole's candy, in the case that we don't feel like sharing later. I've found my bazooka – turns out it was next to my chair the entire time – and I can't wait to use it again. That being said, congratulations to everyone for surviving through 10 whole episodes and I can't to work with you more in the future!


	11. Episode 11

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 11

RATING: W for I Wonder if anyone even bothers reading this top part anyway…

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Welcome back to another Twilight: Truth or Dare! Nicole, meet Cullens, Quileutes, and the Volutri. Everyone, this is Nicole, my new DA. Oh yeah, and on the other side of me is Seth, my Padawan.

NICOLE: Hi everyone.

EMILY: Come on, you can sound more excited than that! I, er, Alec brought candy! *pulls out the Malmart bag for the staff, meaning Nicole, Seth, and herself*

NICOLE: Oh, I call the Now and Laters!

EMILY: Fine, just save me one. I'm going for the Dove chocolates. *tosses one random candy to each person*

VAMPIRES: *wondering what they're supposed to do with it*

EMILY: And Seth, don't you dare try to give any more to your pack. In order to be a director you need to know where your allegiances lie.

SETH: But…

EMILY: So now that we're about to be hyped up on sugar, I'll begin by reading-

NICOLE: *raises hand*

EMILY: Nicole. We're staff members; we don't need to raise our hands. What is it?

NICOLE: Sorry. I was just wondering why Edward, if that is Edward, has pink hair and a superhero outfit.

EMILY: First of all, it's not a superhero outfit. It's a neon green spandex bodysuit. Secondly… he's just weird like that.

EDWARD: I am not!

EMILY: Moving right along, this is from Mind the music:

**Thanx again and this is sooo good! Super good!  
Truth:Who is chealsea's favorite Glee character.  
Dare: Edward has to sing a Defying Gravity duet with Aro... holding hands so they both know what eachother is thinking!  
Hooray for Glee themed Dares! **

CHELSEA: Personally, I think Kurt's pretty amazing. Rachel sings well too, but she's a complete brat sometimes and Finn's not that bright. So yeah, Kurt.

NICOLE: Oh, I love that song! Can we sing it with them? Pleasepleaseplease?

EMILY: Okay, too much sugar for you! Of course not; that kills the point of the dare.

NICOLE: But…

EMILY: Later. Maybe when you come over to my place again.

NICOLE: Oh, and then we can play Kingdom Hearts!

EMILY: Exactly.

ARO: This is ridiculous! How am I supposed to concentrate on the high note when I'm staring at that clown?

EDWARD: It's not my fault!

SETH: Maybe you could face forward and hold hands?

ARO: …I guess that works.

Edward and Aro grab hands and look the other way as they begin singing.

EDWARD:_ Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
_ARO:_ Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes: and leap!_

BOTH:_ It's time to try  
Defying gravity  
I think I'll try  
Defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!_

NICOLE: Whoohoo! Encore!

JASPER: So what were you guys thinking?

ARO: I think we were both thinking something along the lines of how weird that was.  
EDWARD: Aro was actually thinking about how amazing the show Wicked was. The first time he saw it he cried.

ARO: Hey, that was personal information!

SETH: Nothing's personal here.

EMILY: That's the spirit! I see great potential in you, my Padawan. Gum?

SETH: Sure! *takes the pack of gum*

EMILY: Nicole, would you like to take this next one?

NICOLE: Of course! It's from LaughterIsLife:

**Ah, Embry, I have my reasons for accusing you of having a sick obsession with her. I know you have a shrine to her in your closet. Anywho, I dare Embry to declare his love for a piece of cheese. For truth, hey there Sam, hmm, are you afraid of...spiders?  
Haha keep this going. This provides me with plenty of laughs everyday**

EMBRY: *looks the other way*

NICOLE: *digging through the Walmart bag* I don't see any cheese in here, just candy.

EMILY: Try my Bag of Doom.

NICOLE: *switches bags* Oh, hey! What do you know, it's a giant roll a cheese.

SAM: What was that doing it there?

JASPER: The director's Bag of Doom is actually very like the Mary Poppins one in the way that in can fit just about anything into it.

EMMETT: And how would you know that?

JASPER: Because I've recently been promoted to Jasper the Exhibition Vampire.

EMMETT: Meaning?

JASPER: I'm here to explain everything that seems otherwise unclear, despite logically having no way of knowing what it is I'm saying myself.

EMMETT: Hmph. I don't like Jasper the Exhibition Vampire. I like Jasper the Vampire Whose Stupidity Makes Emmett's Slightly Less Excusable.

JASPER: You stole that from Darth Maligna's Lord of the Rings fan fictions.

EMMETT: How would you even know that?

JASPER: I told you. I'm now Jasper the Exhibition Vampire.

OMINOUS VOICE: And I'm Demetri the Ominous Voiceover Vampire!

ALL: …Right.

NICOLE: *hands Embry the cheese block*

EMBRY: Come one, guys. There is absolutely no way I'll ever… *begins fondling it* You have to be the most beautiful piece of cheese I've ever seen in my entire life. You're so big, and round, and shiny, and I want to spend every second of my life with you. Because I love you, cheese!

QUIL: Did Embry just imprint on that cheese?

SAM: I think this is the worst case we've seen yet.

JASPER THE EXHIBITION VAMPIRE: Yes, it is possible in this universe for shapeshifters to imprint on inanimate objects. It is also possible for male pregnancy, in case anyone's wondering.

CARLISLE: See? I wasn't that out of line!

ARO: Now we're officially scared.

SAM: Me? Of course I'm not afraid of spiders. But Collin is. Isn't that right, Collin?

COLLIN: It is not!

LEAH: Spider!

COLLIN: *high pitched girly scream as he jumps on top of the chair* Where? Kill it, kill it!

SAM: Told you.

EMILY: Okay, you can read this one, Seth.

SETH: Okie-dokey. Hey, look! Their pen name is Seth-is-hawt!

EMILY: I know. That's why I picked you to read it.

SETH:

**Emily, U rock. I dare Demetri to dress up in a teapot costume and sing i`m a little teapot while doing the little dance. My truth is for Jacob. Why did u go after Bella after u knew she loved edward the most?**

DEMETRI: Are you kidding me? I'm a professional at that dance!

EMILY: Good, because I've got the Mrs. Potts costume from Beauty and the Beast right here.

Demetri goes to put on the costume. When he comes out…

DEMETRI: _I'm a little teapot,_

_Short and stout,_

_Here is my handle_ *one hand on hip*

_Here is my spout _*other arm out straight*

_When I get all steamed up,_

_Hear me shout,_

_Tip me over and pour me out!_ *leans over toward 'spout'*

JACOB: Because, uh… I love her and you should never give up on love? Plus, it is possible to love to people at once. I'm 95% sure that's the case with her.

BELLA: It's not.

JACOB: 90% sure.

EDWARD: He just doesn't take a hint…

EMILY: So that's it for today! Nicole, here's your new taser, TOD II. Put him to good use in the future. And I'm almost an entire page behind on reviews, so I'll probably have another episode out by the end of today… probably, but maybe not. Anyway, thanks to everyone for helping to make this all possible, and I'll see you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	12. Episode 12

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 12

RATING: O for OMG I'm so behind on writing these… aahs! (But not like the store.)

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Okay, so here's the deal: welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare and all that, but right now I'm trying to crank these things out as fast as I can, honest, but then the reviews keep coming in – which I love and always make me smile, don't get me wrong – faster than I can film episodes. This was about to overwhelm me, when suddenly I remembered I was an evil genius mastermind, and came up with a plot, thus attempting to solve my problem if all went according to plan. So I'm sorry for making you wait for these, but I figured if I could film more than one episode before airing it then that may give me more time to catch up with the viewers truths and dares, capiche?

NICOLE: Basically what she means is that she's going to try and put more than one up at once to keep up with the reviews coming in and apologizes for any inconvenience this may've causes.

EMILY: But it sounded cooler when I said it.

NICOLE: Whatever. Anyway, our first review will be from NurseNaughty15:

**Love love love it lol you rock!  
My dare is for Jasper to make Edward and Paul feel lust for 15 minutes.  
My truth is for Carlisle and Esme, do you guys have any naughty doctor names you guys use with each other in the bedroom? lol  
TEam Carlisle all the way!**

CARLISLE: Uh, not really… There was this one time that I didn't feel like dressing up for Halloween but Esme made me we wear my doctor's uniform since we were invited to a party. She went around introducing me as 'Dr. Feel Good' all night.

ESME: But you were being too boring to go along with it.

JASPER: I feel like I'm my powers more here than anywhere else…

Out of the blue, Edward and Paul immediately jump on each other and begin a make-out session.

JACOB: By the end of this, what do you bet we've tested out every pairing?

SETH: Next is one from BriBri.

ARO: Oh, so he's reading them now too?

SAM: He has betrayed us…

EMILY: Hey, we're taking turns. Sharing is caring.

SETH:

**I love this! I dare you,Emily, to hire a bunch of nerds to make a time machine and bring 16 year old Renesmee from the future and then I dare Jacob to kiss her passionatly for 10 mins. in front of everyone and for truth ALL of the Volturi people have to say who they are in love with.**

EMILY: Believe it or not, I actually do have a bunch of enslaved nerds locked underneath this building in case of an emergency like this. Edward, as my current gofer you have to go fetch them and tell them what they have to do?

EDWARD: Who's Renesmee?

EMILY: You'll find out soon. Just do it; and watch out, they're a rather irritating bunch.

Edward leaves as the Volturi begin their truths.

SULPICIA: Aro.

ARO: Sulpicia. And maybe Demi Lovato.

SULPICIA: *slaps Aro*

ARO: Kidding!

RENATA: No one.

SANTIAGO: …I forget.

AFTON: Chelsea.

ALEC: No one.

JANE: Myself.

CAIUS: Athenodora.

ATHENODORA: Caius.

CHELSEA: Afton.

CORIN: No one.

DEMETRI: No one.

MARCUS: Didyme… she died.

FELIX: No one.

HEIDI: No one.

Edward walks back in then.

EDWARD: Okay, so they said they'd start working on it, but in payment they demand a new Death Star model, after you accidently used their last one as a soccer ball.

EMILY: Fair enough. So while we're waiting for that to be done, here's a review from someone without a name:

**Ok!i hope my review gets on!first of all i HATE JACOB UGHH but i love the cullens (uncluding bella) so my dare is make jane put pain on jacob while emily taser him for 30 mins LOLSZ SOrry but its for his own gud mayb hell learn something  
Q:bella do you ever daydream about someone other than edward  
one more dare: i dare edward to dye the "wolfpacks" or "coughs" shapeshifter hair oranges BYee love you cullens...**

JACOB: You've got to be kidding me!

JANE: This should be fun.

EMILY: On the count of three. 1… 2… 5!

SAM: It's three, dammit!

NICOLE: Hey, who died and make you director?

SETH: Yeah! If she says 5, she means 5!

SAM: But… she said… Curse you, Seth, you traitor!

JANE: *uses her powers*

EMILY: *begins tasing Jacob*

NICOLE: *pulls out TOD II and joins in because she didn't have a chance to use it yet*

BELLA: *winces* Um… I guess there was a time when I gave up on Edward after he left an considered being with Jake, but other than that, not really.

In the background Edward can be seen leading the Quileutes into the bathroom one at a time to dye their hair orange, all the while muttering things about 'revenge' and whatnot. 15 minutes later…

NICOLE: Aw. It's only been 15 minutes and he's already passed out.

SETH: Poor Jacob… too bad I've gone to the dark side.

JANE: I saw we wake him up and keep going, then.

EMILY: Whoohoo!

They do so. Once the half an hour is up, several random nerd representatives come in with a giant time machine.

EMILY: That was fast.

NERD #1: Hand over the Death Star, foul villain!

EMILY: Fine. Take the damn plastic model. *tosses a Death Star action figure at them*

NERD #3: *catches it* Careful! It's in perfect condition!

NICOLE: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now go back to your hole.

NERDS: Aye aye, Captain! *descend into the Basement of Doom with a 50% chance of never being seen or heard from again*

Emily activates the time machine and after a large flash of light a 16-year-old Renesmee appears.

RENESMEE: *blinks* What the-

EMILY: Hello and welcome to Twilight: Truth or Dare! I'm your host and director, Emily, this is my lovely assistant Nicole, and you already know Seth. He's my Padawan.

RENESMEE: I don't get it. Mom, why does dad look like something out of Dr. Seuss?

BELLA: Mom?

EDWARD: What the hell is going on?

EMILY: We'll fill you all in later, as I've peeked ahead and one of the dares involves that. In the mean time, Nessie, on this show we read off truths and dares and I force you to do them!

RENESMEE: That's terrible!

EMILY: That's good business. Anyway, you're supposed to go kiss Jacob for 10 minutes.

RENESMEE: Jake? Where is he?

She sees Jacob lying on the floor all banged up and begins kissing him instinctively. Jacob doesn't really know what's going on, but he just tasered, tortured, and tasered some more, so we'll give him a break.

NICOLE: This last one was sent in by Xoxomissashleyxoxo:

**Hello Cullens,Wolves, and Voultori!  
haha pretty funny story!  
And you don't scare me emily! I like your big bag of DOOM!  
Well my truth is to Aro, Marcus, Caius... who are your favorite disney princess?  
My dare is to Emmett! I dare you to eat a whole carton of sour cream mwahahahaha!  
much love,  
~ash**

ARO: Oh, Ariel all the way!

MARCUS: Snow White.

CAIUS: Barbie.

BOTH: Barbie's not a Disney princess, you idiot!

CAIUS: She's not?

ARO: You have shamed us all.

CAIUS: Okay, then who's the one with the long black hair and the temper problem?

ARO: Who, Jasmine?

CAIUS: Sure.

MARCUS: Alright… I guess that works.

EMMETT: Nooooo! But, I've actually always wondered what that would be like.

SETH: I think Her Majesty has one in the fridge.

ALL: Her Majesty?

JACOB: *passes out in Nessie's lap*

ALICE: Wait a minute, what fridge?

JASPER THE EXHIBITION VAMPIRE: The one that seems to have appeared out of nowhere since it wasn't really there, but we're all going to act like it was there the whole time for the sake of not having to explain it. Duh.

EMMETT: *grumbling to himself* Stupid Exhibition Vampire…

Emmett goes to get the sour cream out of the mysterious and unexplainable fridge and begins eating it. Luckily, the show's clock runs out before we see anything we'd probably prefer not to, so we're all saved from that. Emily and Nicole send Renesmee back to the future until she's needed later.

STAFF: We hope you enjoyed today's episode, and we'll catch you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	13. Episode 13

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 13

RATING: I for I can't think of anything original to put up here today

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

OMINOUS VOICE: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare!

EMILY: Hey, no fair! I'm always supposed to have the first line.

OMINOUS VOICE: B-But you said I could be Demetri the Ominous Voiceover Vampire.

EMILY: Fine. But that's strike one for you.

NICOLE: Hey, where'd Emmett go?

EMILY: He's taking a sick day in the bathroom from the sour cream dare, but not to worry. We can pull him out if anyone needs him.

NICOLE: Hm… And do tell me, why is Seth the only werewolf without orange hair?

EMILY: Because he's my Padawan, duh! My Padawan can't have orange hair; that's just not right.

SETH: And that's why I'm actually enjoying being your Padawan. But anyway… First off, we have one from Dark Blossems:

**This is the best parody ever! I could worship you Emily! I'm so proud of your evilness if i had any I would send you cookies!  
I've wanted to ask this for Aaaaaages! Jasper, did you ever manipulate anyones emotions when you were 'in the mood' so you could get some?  
A dare... ummm... oh! I know! Embry, I dare you to tell us what the nautiest thought everyone in the pack has had while they were phased!  
Hehe, Emily you are the epitome of awsomness.**

EMILY: *eyes well up with happiness*

NICOLE: God, Em. How does your ego even fit through the door?

EMILY: Oh, easy! I go in and then it just follows!

ALL: …

EMILY: Speaking of cookies, I think we should get some, despite me just having breakfast.

NICOLE: Gofer! Go get us some cookies.

EDWARD: *sighs dramatically before going*

JASPER: Okay, that only happened once! I swear. And I was testing it out to see if it would work.

ALICE: *death glare*

EMBRY: Hmmn… Well, I only remember a couple of things. First off, for some time after Sam and Leah broke up there was still a lot of sex reminiscing going on… Oh, and then there was Jacob! He kept thinking about Bella _all the time_. It wasn't so much naughty as annoying, but still.

JACOB: Hey, don't even get me started on what you were thinking about that cheese of yours!

EMBRY: *pulls his cheese in* Hey! Don't talk about my girlfriend that way!

SAM: …Loser.

NICOLE: Next up, Darcy K.:

Wow, i have to admit, this story is much more entertaining than i expected it to be :)

**So, for a truth, i have to ask Edward where he got the idea it was okay to stalk girls, and then, when they don't mind, try and controll every aspect of their lives.  
Also, Bella, why are you SO whiny? just stop complaining- you have a vampire and an extremly awesom werewolf competing for your heart! YOU ARE NOT UNLUCKY, AND YOUR LIFE DOESN'T SUCK!  
another truth for edward (pardon my rant), I know the other male vampires are manly and all, but how do YOU cope with sparkling in the sun?  
and as for a dare...i can't think of one, so i'm just going to dare the Werewolfs, esspecially Seth and Leah, to keep being awesome.  
sorry if that was to long**

EDWARD: For the last time, I was _not _stalking her! And that is not what I was doing at all.

ARO: Suuure you weren't.

SETH: *blinks* When did you get back?

EDWARD: Just now. Here's your cookies, by the way. *hands over a plate of Christmas cookies*

NICOLE: …I'm not even going to ask where those came from.

EMILY: But ah well, free cookies!

BELLA: I'm not whiny, am I?

EDWARD: Of course not. I don't think you are. And I'd have to say, sparkling wasn't so much of a big deal until my hair got died pink and I was forced to wear this horrible green spandex thing. Then it got really embarrassing.

SETH AND LEAH: On it!

EMILY: Next one is from Xxx:

**Ok. First of all love the story and all And I hope you use this for next chapter. Anyway for truth I would ask Jacob to say which Cullen girl, not including Bella or Nessie he would kiss and for the dare I would ask him to kiss the person he chose. Xoxoxoxoxoxox**

JACOB: Hmmn… Well, I think Esme's the least likely to kill me afterwards, so I'll just go with her.

ROSALIE: Good idea.

JACOB: *goes up to Esme and kisses her*

EMILY: I like that. Nice and simple. Okay, Nicole, you're up!

NICOLE: Alrighty, this one is from Lady x:

**Best story ever! For dare I think you should put Maria in for the rest of the story * grins at Jaspers terrified look * , and for truth I want to know if Esme would rather go on a date with Emmett or Jasper. P.S tell Esme not to spare their feelings.**

JASPER: *staring into space, mouth ajar*

The director hooks up the time machine and somehow manages to get Maria to come out of it.

MARIA: You imbecile! I told you create an army of new_borns_ not, nude por- *turns around* Meh?

EMILY: Jasper, I believe you can do the honors of explaining what's going on to her.

JASPER: *still spaced out*

ESME: Huh… I'm not sure. Maybe Jasper? That might be cool, since he's Exhibition Vampire and all.

EMMETT: Damn you, Exhibition Vampire!

EMILY: Next up is from Animegirlkumisan, who I got to reveal their secret identity and found out she's actually my friend Kelly from camp.

NICOLE: Hey, I know Kelly!

EMILY: In Footloose we're actually doing a number together where I'm playing the fiddle, she's singing… _Anyway_:

**hahaha really great Emily. Ok soooo:  
First off I just wanna say Edward and Bella why must you be so annoying and get on my nerves. Second I LOVE JASPER AND ALICE. Best vampires ever. :)  
Truth for Jasper (because he is not feeling enough love): What were you thinking about that whole 'Can't Be Tamed' thing? We all know you got an idea...  
Dare for Edward: Since you spent sooooo much time fixing up that shiny Volvo of yours go drive it all over town in sunlight.  
Oh and sidenote for Aro, 'Beauty and the Beast', 'Mulan', and 'The Lion King' are good movies too.  
Also just because I love Jasper, I want Emily to command your gopher to go buy him a new TV (this time don't destroy it Rosalie). So what if he has a Disney obsession. Pretty much everyone loves Disney. :) Learn to love it all you vampires.**

JASPER: *eying Maria nervously* Oh, it's nothing. I just figured since Alice seemed to be turned on to that whole cross-dressing thing that maybe I should try it sometime.

ARO: Spoken like a true Disney fan. We've actually got The Lion King, but thanks for the other two. *adds them to the list*

EMILY: Oh, Edward, before you go, pick Jasper up a new TV.

JASPER: Yay!

EDWARD: Ugh. I suppose… *leaves to drive around the neighborhood a couple of times and get the TV*

NICOLE: Next is another one from LaughterIsLife:

**Edward don't be pissed off because I made Rosalie dye your hair pink. I could have exposed your darkest secret but I was being nice. ANYWAY, this dare is for Sammy boy...(yes Sam I DO hate you more than I hate some people who I'd like to give to the Volturi to kill) Samuel Uley I dare you to make out with Leah for the entire episode. As for truth, Aro, have you ever read the book or seen the move The Outsiders?**

BELLA: *curious* Darkest secret?

QUILEUTE: *glance at the Volturi nervously* Meep.

SAM: This is going to be so weird…

Sam and Leah begin making out, which is slightly less awkward than it could've been, as Aro ponders his question.

ARO: I think I've heard of it before… That's the one with Ponyboy, right?

EMILY: Oh, I remember I read that for book club once. Of course, I hardly remember anything that happens in it.

SETH: Our last review for the day is another NotSorry one:

**!HELLO! Thanks for putting mine in! I have another! Alec! I dare you to find me (somehow...) and kiss me! I love you, Alec, my love... Oh, and Aro? I dare you to make out with a purple unicorn with a green horn for ten minutes. Wearing short shorts. Truth: Alice, Rosalie, Esme and every other female vampire: Have any of you guys ever had a *ahem* RELATIONSHIP with another woman, because you were so sick of spending decades with the same guy?  
Emily- You are officially the most awesome director in the history of ever. I love this story. And a question to the victims: What's it like knowing YOU'RE NOT REAL? And you're fictional? And Alice, you're awesome... Just saying... Best fashion sense ever...**

EMILY: Okay, I'll send Alec after you. Let me know if he makes it there.

ARO: Now, where the hell am I supposed to find a—

Cue random purple unicorn with a green horn and short shorts to materialize into the center of the room. Edward walks in just then with a giant TV box in his hand, decides it's best to just let it go and not say anything, and sits back down.

ARO: —never mind. *maneuvers around the unicorn in attempt to find a way to make out with it*

CULLEN GIRLS: Nope… not really.

ROSALIE: One night stands, sure, but nothing more than that.

CARLISLE: Yeah… knowing something like that is rather hard to cope with, but I think we're getting used to it. I mean, it's not like it's changed anything, really.

NICOLE: Hey, how come you've started spending hardly any time on each of these?

EMILY: Because I've got a deadline to meet. So keep going!

SETH: But didn't you say that that last was going to be last?

EMILY: I lied. Now, chop chop! Read!

NICOLE: Okay, okay! Weirdo… So this is from Confederatebat:

**hi sorry just love this...truth-Jasper have you fancied any of the viewers  
dare-aro to kiss Edward  
p.s hate Eddie and jake and bella**

JASPER: No, because I don't actually _know_ any of the viewers. But I prefer the ones who _don't_ see fit to make my life a living hell.

MARIA: *innocently* Is he talking about me?

ARO: Wait, but I'm not finished with Big Horn, here! *runs over to kiss Edward before continuing with inventing a way to make out with a unicorn*

EMILY: …Okaaay. So anyway, _now_ we're really finished.

NICOLE: See you all next time!

SETH: Keep sending in those reviews!


	14. Episode 14

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 14

RATING: A for All good teenagers take off their clothes… comment if you know what I'm talking about ;)

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… possibly

EMILY: Whoohoo! Episode 14!

NICOLE: What's so special about episode 14?

EMILY: Nothing. 14 is just my lucky number, because 7 is lucky, therefore 14 must be twice as lucky. Plus, it's right next 13, which is supposedly unlucky, so they're, like, best friends or something.

NICOLE: If you say so.

SETH: Our first review is from Tell it to my heart:

**Hello again. Jacob my friends don't agree with me making u in so much pain so here is the most minimum amount of pain as possible I dare every1 inthis room to beat you up Jane u can use your power. Emily can you ask Edward to get me popcorn I'll be the one in the I hate Jacob shirt thx for a truth ummmm Alec tell ur deepest darkest secret. Caius naruto is NOT gay. *brother walks in* who's bashin my show. *points to caius* forget Emmett caius say bye bye to daylight**

JACOB: *whimpers* Not again…

Thus, everyone takes a turn beating Jacob up except for the humans, who probably would end up just hurting themselves.

EMILY: Edward, you can go ahead and bring the person in the I hate Jacob shirt popcorn now.

ALEC: I'm not so sure if I have a 'deepest darkest secret'… Well, I don't know if this counts or not, but remember that random Walmart employee? I think he somehow got a hold of my number and asked me if I wanted to go out some time…

SETH: What did you say?

ALEC: I hung up.

EMILY: Okay, then. Here's one from a LuvTheCullens4:

**This is awesome and really funny! Here's a dare for Edward =P Edward has to tell Bella that she is stupid and very . For truth, Edward if you had to save either Bella or your Volvo which one would you save?  
P.S Team Edward 4 Ever =)**

EDWARD: Bella… you're stupid and very ugly. Sorry.

BELLA: That's okay; I know you didn't mean it.

EDWARD: And as for the truth, of course I'd have to say Bella. At this point my Volvo is no longer recognizable anyway.

EMILY: Seeing as that didn't take too long, next up is FireFrenzy596:

**Wow! Emily your really quite evil and scary but in a totally brilliant genius sorta way. lol.  
First of all I just want to say DAMN YOU JACOB! BELLA DOES NOT LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS EDWARD AND NEVER WILL! Can you get that accross your extremely small brain? Secondly VAMPIRES RULE!  
Dare for Esme: Go and buy yourself a new wig that you have to wear until Emily says otherwise that is pink to match Edwards hair and volvo and then for the two of you [Edward and Esme]to sing as a duet any suitable song voted in by the volturi.  
Truth for Aro: Have you ever thought about Carlisle in a more then old friends sort of way and what is the most embarasing fantasy you have had containing him. Edward read his thoughts carefully to make sure he is telling the truth. lol  
quick side note to Esme: Hahahahahahaha. Being a vamp your hair wil never grow back EVER. How does that make you feel? lol.  
god that was really long coz its my 1st time reviewing so u no. lol**

ESME: *whimpers*

EMILY: Okay, you and Edward can go pick out a new wig. Esme, you have to wear it until… until Edward no longer has pink hair, how's that? That way the whole time he does you'll be matchies!

ARO: And the Volturi have unanimously voted that they need to sing A Whole New World from Aladdin, because that song is just amazing and makes me wish I could cry.

JASPER: Hah! So I'm not the only one who thinks that!

NICOLE: I think that sounds fair.

Edward and Esme leave to go wig-shopping.

ARO: Now let's see… In a 'more than old friends sort of way', I believe it was? I'm guessing by that you mean something mildly inappropriate, and while it pains me to bring your hopes down… hell no. The only fantasies I've ever had about him were along the lines of him coming back with us and us all taking a trip to a 24-hour amusement park together at night. Oh! Would you like to hear about the one where I had him win me a giant stuffed crayon? It was orange!

MARCUS: No… we really wouldn't.

CARLISLE: Uh…

EDWARD: Yeah, he's telling the absolute truth. Just whatever you do, don't ask him to go into any detail. Ever. He may not be gay, but he's definitely the gayest of all the Volturi.

ARO: What's that supposed to mean?

SETH: This one is from Eeddwwaarrddiloveya:

**I dare Edward to get whatever he wants for the whole season or he wants to paint his volvo back he can!For truth Jacob mabey your not gay but I have another you are so bi right comeone jacob I bet only like half most world will judge you.**

EMILY: Sorry, but I'm going to have to add an addition to that dare. I suppose Edward can get whatever he wants _as long_ as it doesn't interfere with any other dares.

NICOLE: Or anything we decide we want.

EMILY: Well, yeah. But that's kind of a given.

JACOB: *pretending he didn't hear that*

EMILY: We'll just tell him when he gets back. Seth, you can go ahead and read the next review.

SETH: Wolfpack princess says:

**Yep i'm back. Glad Seth's the padawon now. Oh and Jacob not everybody hates you cause there's a TEAM JACOB,which is better than TEAM EDWARD.  
Anyways for dare, Bella has to make out with Felix for um 10 minutes. And for truth Edward what did Tonya do to make you "politley" decline her offer to be her mate.  
PS- go team Seth and Jacob, Edward go burn in hell.**

BELLA: No fair! How am I supposed to make out with Felix when he's all… however he is right now?

NICOLE: If there is a will, there is a way. And so long as nobody pulls out or mentions a… You-Know-What, I think it should work.

BELLA: If you say so.

Bella does manage to make out with Felix, or at least do her half of it, as although Felix isn't spazzing out any more, he's not really doing anything either.

EDWARD: *walks back in with Esme* We found a wig.

CARLISLE: Before you do your duet, you had a truth to say why you declined Tanya's offer to be her mate.

EDWARD: No reason in particular. I just didn't feel that way about her, that's all.

JACOB: The viewer also told you to burn in hell.

EDWARD: …Gee, thanks.

ESME: Uh, are you ready for the song, Edward?

EDWARD: Sure.

EDWARD: _A whole new world_

_A new fantastic point of view_

ESME: _No one to tell us no_

_Or where to go_

BOTH: _Or say we're only dreaming_

ESME: _A whole new world_

EDWARD: _A dazzling place I never knew_

BOTH: _But when I'm way up here_

_It's crystal clear_

_That now I'm in a whole new world with you_

NICOLE: Alright, this is another one from LaughterIsLife:

**Your welcome Embry, for daring you to declare your love for your...cheese. I hope you two are happy together! Hmm...I'm surprised no one who I've dared to do stuff has wanted to kill me yet for my dares. So, Alice, I dare you to draw a mustache on Jasper's face with Sharpie marker. I also dare you to dump a huge container of glitter on him. My truth is for Bella, why are you so fixated on becoming a vampire? Who wants to be cold, sparkle in the sun, drink blood, and have no heartbeat?**

EMILY: I assure you, most of them have. That's why TOD is here to prevent any unscheduled violent.

NICOLE: And his twin brother, TOD II!

ALICE: Hey Emmett, you still got that Sharpie on you?

EMMETT: Right here.

Emmett pulls out the Sharpie and passes it to Alice, who draws a mustache on Jasper, all the while Maria is sitting next to him and looking very pleased with herself.

ALICE: And I didn't even have to until he was asleep!

JASPER: I remember that time. And it was _not_ funny.

ALICE: Sure it was. You just have no sense of humor. *dumps a container of glitter on him*

JASPER: How is that humor? It's just like the confetti egg – nothing about them is funny at all.

SAM: Hey, don't hate on the confetti egg! We love those things.

BELLA: Because when I'm a vampire I won't ever have to get older.

NICOLE: Secret to eternal youth: lie.

BELLA: And I'll be pretty.

NICOLE: You could be if you had any sense of style.

BELLA: Okay, will you just shut up? I want to be able to be with Edward forever and ever!

NICOLE: You're right. I suppose if cold, sparkling dead things are a turn on for you, who am I to judge?

BELLA: …You suck.

SETH: This last review was sent in by Jasperlover98:

**ok first of all i love everyone there except jacob im mean come on bella doesnt love u especially when bella and edward have their baby,renesmee...oops i guess i let that slip SOWWY anyway on too my dares  
DARE1:i dare jacob to declare his 'undying love for Quil' and then make out with him for 30 minutes!  
DARE2:I dare jacob 2 wear a monkey costume and sing Barbie Girl!  
EMILY YOU ROCK SO MUCH! i love the taser and bazooka so much! BELLA&EDWARD 4EVA! JACOB'S A GAY PUSSY!**

JACOB: What?

EDWARD: Did they just say… Renesmee was our baby?

NICOLE: *looking the other way innocently*

BELLA: So _that's_ why she called me Mom. But wait, how is that-

EMILY: Never you mind, it's not important yet. As I said before, I've looked ahead and she comes back to join us officially, probably next episode. Then everything will be explained, so just wait a bit longer.

BELLA: Still. You expect us to be able to stand only knowing part of the story?

EMILY: You already found out you're not real, your boyfriend has pink hair, and the last week you've lived you life afraid of what terrible fate awaits you and everyone you care about. It shouldn't be too hard.

BELLA: I guess when you put it like that…

JACOB: Um… Quil. Apparently I have this 'undying love' for you.

EDWARD: That has to be the worst acting I've ever seen.

QUIL: Yeah, yeah, let's just get it over with.

Quil and Jacob begin making out for the next half hour. Afterwards Jacob puts on a monkey costume that somehow had found its way into the Bag of Doom.

JACOB: _I'm a Barbie girl_

_In a Barbie world_

_Life in plastic_

_It's fantastic_

_You can brush my hair_

_Undress me everywhere_

_Imagination_

_Life is your creation_

EMILY: That's all for today. Thanks for tuning in and thanks for all the reviews you guys have sent in!


	15. Episode 15

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 15

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: For lack of a better way to begin today, we'll just start with a review. This is from Jasperlover98:

**Hahahaha. I love this fanfiction. Anyway... Alice i love you dearly. I love ur fashion so much but i have a question can i have Jazzy for a day? Plzzzzzzzzzz... Anyway. Truth: Bella is it true that u love Edward cuz if not i wnt him. lol Dare: I dare edward to not to be the helper and sam is. I hate u sam. lol hahha**

ALICE: Not if you're anything like this director.

EMILY: Hey! I take offense at that!

BELLA: You'll settle for taking any one of us home, won't you? *grabs on to Edward's spandex sleeve* But yes. I love him and you can't have him.

EDWARD: You mean I don't have to be gofer anymore? Yay!

SAM: Damn you.

NICOLE: My name does not matter says:

**I think Nessie should be in the "game" and with jaspers new position he can explain who she is! and if you do put her in the "game" i dare her to kiss one of the guy members of the volturi tell jake she does not love him and tell her family she wants to join the guard!( but she doesnt hav to actually join them)P.S. i can't pick team edward or team jacob who should i pick?**

EMILY: Told you she'd be back.

The director hooks up the time machine again and pulls Renesmee out, except this time she's a little kid again. Jasper the Exhibition Vampire then takes a good about of time to go over a great number of Breaking Dawn spoilers.

RENESMEE: I don't love you anymore, Jacob.

JACOB: Good. I don't love you either.

NICOLE: Oh, but you will…

RENESMEE: *kisses Aro* I wanna join the Volturi guard!

BELLA AND EDWARD: No.

RENESMEE: Okay, relax… not really.

EMILY: As for what team to pick, Team Emily all the way!

JANE: That's ridiculous. There is no 'Team Emily'.

EMILY: I beg to differ! Watch as Seth shows off my new line of Team Emily merchandise.

Seth immediately begins modeling his Team Emily T-shirt, Team Emily book bag, and Team Emily ninja headband.

EMILY: *sniffles* He makes me so proud!

NICOLE: Yeah, yeah. Just read the next review.

EMILY: You read the next review!

NICOLE: Fine. I will. This is from I am awesome:

**ur awesome emily and nearly as insane/evil as i am. first off i love seth and he's doing a great job of being an apprentice.  
now 4 the fun stuff:  
Dare: Sam must kiss Alec in front of his imprint emily  
Truth: leah how much do u love jacob (we all know u love him)**

EMILY YOUNG: *poofs in*

SAM: *kisses Alec*  
EMILY YOUNG: Wh-what the hell is going on? *poofs out*

SETH: She's gonna give you hell when we get out of this.

SAM: Yeah… that's going to be a hard one to explain.

LEAH: I don't love Jacob! I told you, I still like Sam. Jacob's just more of a friend… with benefits.

JACOB: She lies! We're not romantically involved at all!

LEAH: Of course not _yet_.

JACOB: …

EMILY: Well, this has been an… interesting discovery. Moving along!

SETH: Okay, I've got one from an :

**I just like totally love your story. It's so awsome. Anyways I love Edward so I am going too end his misery Edward could go back to normal. As for Jacob I hate you I I want you too dye your hair orange:D and Bella you selfish brat u are the only wortless human. Seth is just to cute and Emmett just makes me laugh. Love ur story Emily. Ps I send the twilight, newmoon, and eclipse movies for you guys to see kristin Stewart. Kiss to edward**

SETH: *adorable smile*

EMMETT: Why? What did I ever do?

EDWARD: Today is a good day for me. *grabs his regular clothes, a can of hair dye his natural color and races into the bathroom*

ESME: *happily swaps wigs*

JACOB: Haha! You're too late; all our hair is already orange! Not that that's a good thing, but…

SAM: Well, everyone except for Seth, the director's pet. That's why we've decided to banish him from the pack.

SETH: Hey, don't pick on me just because I'm Emily's favorite!

EMILY: Now, I never said _that_… Hey, would you look at that, they attached a package with all the Twilight movies, including a pirated version of Eclipse that wasn't released on DVD yet! Score!

NICOLE: Yay! Does that mean we can watch them all after the show?

EMILY: Of course! Alrighty, this next review is from Ariana:

**Hey. so First: Jacob. Get over Bella. She's way of your league.  
second my Truth is for alice and Jasper: Because I'm not completly after reading the books. Do you too have and "intimate relationship". If you do, describe it and don't spare the details (I did this for u Emmett, You can thank me later).  
My dare is for rosalie and emmett: i dare you to start getting it on and stop when you are inyour underwear. (I have no desire to see either of you...  
BTW alice ? Are u and Jasper gonna have a divorce 'cause a the whole closet thing.  
And Emily as much as i admire yor work... plese die edwards hair back to his natural colour and let him wear reall clothes.**

ALICE: Yes, I suppose you could say that. We are married, after all.

JASPER: I'm not really sure what you mean by don't spare the details. We're married… sex is generally implied… What else were you looking for?

ALICE: And don't worry; I don't plan on getting a divorce any time soon.

EMMETT: Um, thanks?

Rosalie and Emmett begin making out as their clothes slowly come off. As promised, once they got down to their underwear they stopped.

EDWARD: *sitting with his hair back to its original color and in his own clothes* Way ahead of ya.

NICOLE: This is from EdwardILoveYou:

**Hey! I WAS ON A CHAPTER! Oh and I EMily u rock! I check ur stuff EVERYDAY! SO COOL!  
Okay Carlise sorry I didnt direct the question and I kinda wanted it 2 be about Esme but I guess Jasper was okay and 4 truth and dare*evil laugh*  
Edward I want u 2 tell us the most weirdest fantasy Jacob had about Bella!  
Oh and dare...Esme...u...make out with Jacob?  
U ROCK EMILY! IM IN THE ADUICANCE! (With the Team Edward shirt on! It says Team Edward I dont want my bf 2 lick himself in the wrong places thanks!)  
U ROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK**

CARLISLE: Ah. In that case, I'm sure I can think up something…

ESME: I have no hair and am wearing a wig. Enough said.

EDWARD: Just that one he mentioned earlier about having sex on a unicorn while riding off into the sunset, the weirdo.

JACOB: Hey, we all can dream.

Esme and Jacob then make out unenthusiastically, having come to the conclusion that the conclusion that an alternative motive behind the show was really to see if it was possible to have each person make out with everyone else at some point.

EMILY: Here's another one from EdwardILoveYou:

**Hey Emily!  
Im writing my story...its like identical to urs...can u help me write it? Like co-write it?  
PLEASE Im a evil lil girl who wants 2 learn from the master! Oh and Edward sweety I 3 u...forever!  
Bella...er...whatever  
Jacob 3 ur body!  
Okay Seth I want u 2 sit next 2 Aro 4 the whole game. Oh and Sam u sicko I want u 2 sit in Edwards lap 4 the entie time!  
How am I doing Emily?**

EMILY: Uh, I suppose I could try. I'm not sure exactly what you'd expect be to be able to do, but I'm up for helping out. I suppose it might be nice to take on another apprentice; Nicole's too stubborn to listen to me anyway.

NICOLE: That's just because I see you every day and aren't fooled by your internet appearance.

EMILY: …She doesn't mean that. Anyway, feel free to send me a message or something with what you plan on doing, as I'm interested in checking it out, supposing I don't get sick of this stuff in my own story. And I think you're doing just fine… not that there's really a wrong way to do it or anything.

SETH: *moves his chair next Aro*

SAM: How does that make me the sicko? You said it! *sits down in Edward's lap*

EMILY: Whoohoo! That wraps up today's episode, and I am officially almost caught up with the reviews! I knew my evil plan would work. Sorry for the wait, but it worth it, right? No? Then too bad! *eh-hem* I mean, uh, thanks for watching!

NICOLE AND SETH: Until next time!


	16. Episode 16

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 16

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: *panting* I can't believe… I finally caught up…

20-ish reviews later…

EMILY: D'oh!

NICOLE: You know, you don't _have_ to do all the reviews.

EMILY: I don't?

NICOLE: Sure. You skipped your sister's.

EMILY: Shh! You're not supposed to know that. Besides, I don't have the heart to skip any, so why don't I just set up a few some rules instead?

NICOLE: But you said rules were for losers?

EMILY: …Too bad. Okay, new rules! Rule #1: Enough with the shaving heads already. Yes, I look at the reviews beforehand-

NICOLE: She has a mini spazz attack and goes dancing around the house every time she gets one.

EMILY: *elbows Nicole* -and for some reason a few people out there think having a cast of bald people is funny. And I'll admit, maybe at first, but it gets old really fast. Rule #2: No killing anyone. I've been over this before and don't think it's really a problem, but I'm just being sure. Also, I've spent almost all my time doing these lately, so I think I'll try to get one out a day and now more. If the reviews get stuck in a huge waiting line, that's not my problem. I think that's all we need to worry about as of yet, am I right?

NICOLE: I think so.

EMILY: Okay, now we can begin.

SETH: *pulls out a stack of reviews printed out on Team Emily index cards*

NICOLE: You really went all out, didn't you?

EMILY: Well, I've got to admit, when it comes to originality, I'm pretty good at that. You should see my line of Team Emily footwear and plush toys.

NICOLE: I hope you're paying those nerds double time.

EMILY: Yeah, of course!

SETH: *eh-hem* Our first review is from JacobI'mFrenchSoIWannaLaPushU:

**Emily! I was ur fan from day 1!  
Dare: Emily...u play the game just 4 2 epsoides! PLEASE?  
Oh and Edward I 3 u. U make up a truth and Jake u make up a dare 4 each other!  
Oh and its EdwardILoveYou.  
LOVE ME EDWARD!**

**Truth: Emily...r u really THE Emily from the books? LOL  
Oh and like the username Jake?**

**Oh and Emily dear tell Sam hes a sicko cuz he dumps Leah. Shes not the greatest person in the world but come on? HER FREAKING COUSIN?**

I would of threw him under a bus. After he would have a lil private lesson with EMily about how Tasers hurt.

EMILY: Ah, I wondered when someone would ask that. No, I'm slightly more…

SAM: Deranged.

EMILY: No, not quite what I was going for… Anyway, obviously I've very different from the Other Emily and much prettier, if I do say so myself. Also, I don't think she'd have the heart to do any of this. As for your other question, I'll suppose I'll play the game if you give me something I'd want to do or answer, other I'll just ignore it.

EDWARD: Hm… I can't think of anything.

JACOB: Me neither. How about we just do the basic, elementary school ones?

EDWARD: What do you mean?

JACOB: I dare you to lick the floor.

EDWARD: Who do you like?

JACOB: Bella. Duh.

EDWARD: *licks the floor*

NICOLE: *shakes her head* Stupid elementary school version… Alright, so here's one from Joanne:

**i love this emily ur so funni i hope you do more shows i love the cullens!  
i dare carlisle to go streaking at the hosptal (datz so mean but i like it lol)  
my truth is did bella ever dream or anyone other dan edward  
hi everyone! bye everyone!  
-joanne**

BELLA: I have dreamt of other guys before, but not in a romantic way, if that's what you mean.

EMILY: Okay Carlisle, go for it!

CARLISLE: B-But then I'll probably get fired!

EMILY: Too bad. Now start streaking. But why don't you do us all a favor and start stripping after you get to the hospital?

CARLISLE: Ugh. Fine.

Carlisle leaves to go do so as Seth reads the next review from LaughterIsLife.

SETH:

**haha this is like my fifth truth and dare review...Emily should I fear for my life after this show is over? Anyways my dare is for Sam. Sam has to dye Bella's hair lime green and do her make up to make her look like a circus clown. Bella then has to ride around the studio on a unicycle. For truth, Nessie, how does it feel to be a half-human, half-vampire hybrid? Oh hey, look at that I was actually nice to Sam for once! oh wait...Leah, I dare you to slap Sam in the face**

EMILY: I'd count on it.

SAM: Okay, I'll go get the green dye…

BELLA: *dejectedly follows him into the bathroom*

When Bella comes out she somewhat resembles a circus clown. It is soon discovered that she has absolutely no talent for riding a unicycle.

RENESMEE: I'm not sure. I mean, it's not like I would know what being anything else feels like. It's just normal to me, like how being whatever you are feels to you.

LEAH: *slaps Sam* I agree. Much better.

EMILY: Next we have one from Darcy K:

**First of all, thanks for accepting my dares :), i was hoping i could submit two more...  
also, WHY DO YOU ALL HATE JACOB! Hes just a nice, funny guy who loves a girl, who happens to be taken by a creeper! i say go for it! besides, Jake is Awesome!  
So my truth is for Seth- Cheese or Pudding? (Its a long, humiliating story...)  
and My darte is For Edward- I dare him to not only shave his head, but ALSO, not to buy a wig for a year, and Tatoo a big pink, heart, with I LOVE THE WEREWOLFS in red.  
Oh, and no dares to turn it back! :)  
Love the story, and the wolfs ;)**

SETH: Pudding!

EMBRY: *cuddles up with his cheese* Good. You stay the hell away from my fiancée.

EMILY: Because of my new rule from before, we'll leave Edward's hair alone, but I think the tattoo seems appropriate.

EDWARD: Appropriate?

CARLISLE: *runs back in half-dressed* I'm back! And the police were after me, but I managed to shake them off with my fast driving skills. And let me tell you, there is absolutely _no_ way they're ever going to let me back into that office again.

NICOLE: You heard her, Edward. Now go get that tattoo! And make sure it's spelled wrong. After all, the viewer did say it had to say 'werewolfs'.

Edward leaves to get his tattoo.

SETH: This is another one from Wolfpack princess:

**You all will be hearing from me alot. Peoplez stop picking on Jacob because his super sexy and your just jealous.  
Dare-Jacob shaves off blondie's(rosalie)  
Truth-Edward please explain why Bella hanging around the wolves is more dangerous than a coven of vampires where one coughJaspercough almost killed her because of a PAPERCUT!  
PS still love Seth and think he's super Hot and Sexy:)**

NICOLE: Thank god you put that new rule in. I mean, I had no idea…

EMILY: I know, right?

ESME: Then why did I have to do it?

NICOLE: Because it was funny at first, but we don't want everyone looking like they have cancer, do we?

SETH: Edward's not back yet. Shall we continue?

EMILY: Sure. We'll give him his when he comes back with his tattoo.

NICOLE: Okay, Tell it to my heart's says:

**Heyyyyyyyy Emily and Nicole. Is it possible this show got more amazing. I think so. Hmmmmm Dare: Jacob I dare you to be the gofer. No Ifs,ands,or buts. GOT IT!Truth: Bella I want to know why do u HATE shopping? It's the best thing in the world. Hey Emily,Nicole I got candy for you both. I'm the one wearing the shirt that says 'I want to La Push Jacob off a cliff' *waves at everyone***

NICOLE: Whoohoo! Someone finally mentioned me!

EMILY: Pfft. But it's not like _you_ have fans or anything.

NICOLE: _Excuse_ me?

BOTH: *distracted by the box of candy* Yipee!

EMILY: *waves back excitedly*

JACOB: Okay, okay, enough with the La Push jokes already! And fine, I'll be your stupid gofer or whatever. Geez.

BELLA: Well, it's just never been fun for me. I'm mostly happy with what I have and don't see the excitement behind spending money to get more things you don't need.

NICOLE: Aw, what do you know? I agree with the viewer. Shopping's amazing.

Just then Edward comes back in.

EMILY: Did you get it?

EDWARD: I had them do it on my butt so no one would have to see. Would you like to check?

EMILY: …Not really.

NICOLE: I'll ask Bella later.

EMILY: Oh yeah, and you had a truth to explain to Bella how hanging around werewolves is more dangerous than vampires.

EDWARD: Because… uh… Because they're evil. Enough said.

JACOB: Evil?

EDWARD: They're all hairy, and sharp-fanged, and… erm…

JACOB: That's completely unjustified! You're not any less scary than we are.

EDWARD: Nuh-uh!

EMILY: *rolls eyes* The both of them are so immature.

SETH: *nodding* Uh-huh.

NICOLE: Anywho, I've got a review from Pottergoose:

**Hello cullens!  
*makes out with edward since bella is sitting next to jake now*  
Anyway! What up vamps?  
Dare: emmett, I dare you to dress up in alices lace black bra and a mini skirt, have alice do your makeup, and go to a local bar, get piss drunk and profess your unrequited love for barney**

**Truth: rose, what did you do with the wedding dress after you killed that sick bastard? Be honest, and give details**

EMMETT: Yay! More dress-up time!

ALICE: You poor, disturbed child.

Emmett runs off to find Alice's bra and mini skirt. When he gets back, Alice does his makeup in the bathroom and sends him on his way to the Irish pub down the block. Despite from the fact that vampires can't get drunk, he attempts to anyway and goes on a rant to all willing to listen about how much he loves Barney.

Back at the sudio…

ROSALIE: It's hung up in the back of my closet to this day. Emmett insisted I get rid up it so I won't have to be reminded of him, but it was an expensive dress, and I wore it for me and Emmett's wedding.

EMMETT: *walks back in* I think I deserve the right to read the next review.

EMILY: Nope! That right remains with the staff.

EMMETT: But Alice did that one time?

JASPER: That was before the director had formed a staff of herself, Nicole, and Seth.

EMMETT: Oh, shut up, know-it-all!

NICOLE: Here's one last one from Kyranicle:

**Hey Everyone! Well, I hope your all having a GREAT TIME! hehe.  
Well, I dare Alec to kiss Bella for 5 minutes WHILE Edward has to describe everything they do. Hehe. Btw: I love you Alec! Marry me? Jk. Wait jk that I was jk! Lol. So,  
I want the truth from CARLISLE if he's EVER had dirty thought about one of his children.  
Aro, I dare you to kiss Sam! *grins evily*  
Emily, you rock. Put that taser to good use!  
P.S. Bella, get a backbone! Your stupid, weak, and ugly! No offense.  
P.P.S. Also from my last truth & dare:  
"I know where you ALL live!"  
I 3 u Alec ;)  
(don't be ashamed, I know you love me too!)**

**Edward, I want the truth here: r u gay? U do have gay qualities... Okay! Have fun! Good luck! I'll be writing back soon!**

ALEC: Um… whatever you say. *begins kissing Bella*

EDWARD: *winces* There's not much to describe. I mean, they're just kissing… nothing… too bad. Except that Alec just winked at me!

The five minutes pass as Edward fails to think of anything more original to say.

CARLISLE AND EDWARD: Of course not.

EMILY: *tases them both*

CARLISLE: What the hell was that for? I was being honest!

EMILY: Just checking.

NICOLE: Gotta be sure, you know.

EMILY AND NICOLE: *high five*

NICOLE: Okay, so I think that's it for now, right?

EMILY: Yup. Looks like. Well, off to more important things now! I think I'll try to do one of this a day, as I said, so to not overwhelm myself.

SETH: Thanks for all your reviews about how much you love me!

NICOLE: See you all tomorrow!


	17. Episode 17

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 16

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Hello, and welcome to another Twilight: Truth or Dare! It never fails to amaze me how many reviews this is getting. And to think, I'm just some girl who has nothing better to do with her spare time than write these! Anyway, so our opening night for Footloose is tonight, but until we have to be there for our call time I guess I'll use the time to catch up. But I digress.

NICOLE: Whoo! Footloose!

EMILY: Shut up.

NICOLE: Aw, you're just jealous because I have a bigger part. Okay, so our first review is by a Starr Cullen:

**Omg! This story rocks! Just to let you guys know, i am starr isabel black cullen, daughter of renesmee and jacob! I am seths imprint! Yes seth i 3 u! U r the best were wolf in the twilight universe! I want 2 appear on the show with you guys! Can i, pretty please emily? I want 2 sit next to my wolf! I have jacobs hair but my moms everything else! Love u all! My dare is 4 esmes hair 2 magicly grow back, marcus mate to come back to vamp life, and 4 claire to be with her mate! The truths are, edward did you ever touch bella inapropiatly while she was sleeping? U sick perverted cougar! Emmet i have a special dare 4 u! U have to get ride of ur secret teddy bear collection all with justin beibers head glued on! I find them in the future! By the way rosalie, thanks 4 saving my mommy! Love you all and emily u r the best director ever!**

BELLA: This is certainly an unexpected turn of events.

EDWARDS: And so soon after we found out we even had a daughter.

SETH: You mean I have to wait that long to imprint?

RENESMEE: But that doesn't even make any sense. How could I ever have a kid?

EMILY: Rule #1 in any business: the customer is always right. So just smile and nod.

RENESMEE: But-

EMILY: Smile and nod!

RENESMEE: Okay, I'm sorry!

EMILY: Don't be sorry. Smile and nod!

RENESMEE: *smiling and nodding*

NICOLE: Um, Emily?

EMILY: It's all right. I'm just messing with her. As for your dares, we can definitely manage to get Claire here. Didyme may be a bit harder, since as of yet I haven't discovered how to bring the dead back to life, but I'll send a small troop of nerds on the time machine right away to see if we can pull her back before Aro killed her.

SETH: And what about Esme's hair?

EMILY: I'm not so sure about that. If there was a way…

Meanwhile, the nerd brigade can be seen in the background fixing up the time machine.

EDWARD: Of course I didn't touch Bella inappropriately. She'd probably have woken up if I wanted to, anyway.

EMMETT: *whispers* How did she know about that?

CLAIRE AND DIDYME: *poof in*

NERDS: Success! *run back to their basement lair*

CLAIRE: Quil-puppy! *runs up and hugs Quil*

MARCUS: Didyme? But… but you died?

DIDYME: *staring into space confused*

SETH: So, now we have one from Brittney Webb:

**emily this is is the funniest fanfic i have ever read  
i dare bella,roaslie and alice to find 3 random guys off the street have jasper make them feel lust for each other while jasper edward have to watch truth is carlisle do you watch greys anatomy? I LOVE EMMETT AND JACOB AND THE BAG OF DOOM**

EMILY: Everyone mentioned, outside. Now.

They go outside until a total of three guys have walked by, who Bella, Rosalie, and Alice suddenly begin attempting to make out with. Of course, rather disturbed by this seemingly random event, the guys all run away. Jasper ends the lust before they can chase after them and they all go back inside.

CARLISLE: Actually, with work I mostly never had time to keep up with it, but I did watch a couple episodes here and there.

EMILY: Our next review is from EdwardILoveYou:

**Well Emily. We-and my friends-just made a fan club 4 u!  
Team Emily cuz she's got the taser  
Team Emily cuz she pays me 2 do this  
Oops did I just say that out loud?  
Oh Emily please taser all of the reviews that stole my  
Oh and Jake sweety ur hot...but not that hot.  
Edward my love! I WANT U! Well I want Justin Bieber more...  
So Truth and dare...  
Sam aren't u still sitting in Edwards lap? Awesome  
Oh and Emily I want u 2 slap Jake over the head 4 me. Then taser him...PLEASE?  
Dare: Quil Darling I want u 2 sit with Voltire or whateve and u know...do ur thing on the whole coven (haha)  
Truth: Edward. Dear do u like my reviews? U SAY YES AND I WONT HARM U...maybe**

EMILY: *victory pose*

NICOLE: You shouldn't encourage her. It only makes things worse.

EMILY: But I have a faaaaaannn club!

SETH: Taser all the reviews that stole her…?

SAM: Yes. I'm still here.

QUIL: Assuming 'do your thing' means phase, okay, then. *phases his way between the Volturi*

EDWARD: *nervously* Um… yes?

EMILY: *dancing and leaping around the room* I have a fan club! I have a fan club!

NICOLE: *shakes head* Okay, Seth, clearly you and I are the only sane ones.

SETH: I wanna join the fan club!

NICOLE: …Alright, never mind, then.

EMILY: *happens to slab Jacob as she skips by and jumps back into her seat* Okay, I'm over it.

NICOLE: Good. Because the review had a backside and a shipping box:

**U rock!  
Please tell me if I annoy u with my interviews. Oh and I sent...(checking)three boxes of candy and I finished ur homework...oh and the nerds? I got u some more. Everything is restocked. Oh and Esme? I felt bad 4 u and bought u some Hair-Grower-4-Vampires!  
Hope u like it. Sorry about my review on embarring story so uh now 4 the truth and dares...  
Emmet u make me laugh so hard! I want u 2 b the slave...er...help Emily. Emily u work 2 hard(I sent u a chair)  
So 4 truth. Edward spill: Whos gay and/or lesbo in the Twilight gang? Oh and r u guys wondering why we call u Twilight characters? **

BOTH: *digging into the candy excitedly*

NICOLE: I swear, most rewarding job ever!

EMILY: *while spinning around in circles in the new chair and sucking on a giant lollipop* Told you.

ESME: Hah! *runs into the bathroom with the Hair-Grower-4-Vampires*

CARLISLE: Who knew they sold that?

EMMETT: Does that mean I'm taking Sam's place as gofer?

SAM: I hope so.

EDWARD: I don't think anyone really is… Except Jane. She might be. Oh, no, never mind. She's not. Yup! Nobody's secretly gay or lesbian amongst us.

EMILY: I wish. Gay friends are awesome.

NICOLE: Agreed.

EDWARD: And I kind of figured out we were Twilight characters after watching the movies when I realized the first one was called Twilight.

SETH: This next review was sent in from Emmettlover4everandalways:

**hehe I love this! For a dare, I dare you, Emily, to send Esme back in time and NOT get her hair shaved, since wigs are disgusting... For truth, Jane must tell her real feelings toward Alex! Oh and one more dare, Edward is now your gopher and Sam is free! Thanks,and love you all Cullens, Volturi, and Quileutes! :D Go team Switzerland/Emmett!**

EMILY: Well, you'll be glad to know we've already gotten that taken care of, so there'll be no need. I only wish there was a more effective way to not get people to say the same thing… Aw, well.

EMMETT: Wait, if Edward is now your gofer, then doesn't that mean _I'm_ free?

NICOLE: Of course not. They said slave – erm, helper – not gofer.

EMMETT: What's that supposed to mean?

EMILY: So anyway, this next one is from EdwardILoveYou:

**Oh hey Emily.  
Because I got pissed that u didnt taser Aro when he went off talking AND HE WOULDNT STOP FREAKING TALKING! I want 2 dares. They get to pick which 1.  
1) Dye ur robes in Easter Colors and get tasered.  
2) Beauty and the Beast and The little mermaid get blow to bits in a graphfic video by the nerds.  
Im a lil cranky 2day. Rolled on my ankle yesterday.  
SO  
oh and truth...  
Edward! Oh wait no I love him...  
Fine...Jake ur the new slave...er DA.  
Emily u stop writing and I bought Taser 3000.  
And Phillip the Rat Remover. (Got that at Evil R Us EMily is employee of the month! Congrats!)  
SO DONT STOP WRITING! LOVE THIS!**

ARO: No! Not the Disney movies!

CAIUS: What? But then that leaves-

ARO: Do you want Ariel to die?

CAIUS: Okay, okay! You're in charge! Fine… I'll do it. But I call yellow, so it'll match my hair.

MARCUS: Baby blue.

ARO: Oh, oh! I've got pink!

NICOLE: Stop arguing about the colors and just go do it!

VOLTURI: Oookay… *leave to go dye their robes*

EMILY: *tasering them on their way out to test out the new taser* Yeah, Seth can have this one. I seem to have developed an emotional attachment to TOD, and I'd hate to part with it.

SETH: Yay! Taser!

EMILY: Here's the rules of the taser: you can tase anyone, anytime. Just not me or Nicole.

SETH: Okie!

NICOLE: Here's one last review from TeamAlice:

**Oh and hey. Um...EdwardILoveYou No Offense but...  
R U INSANE?  
Just wondering u pervert. Come on cast what do u think?  
Anyway Jake I love u but not that much. I want u 2 change into a wolve. AND EMILY TASER HIM! Then he will get poofy hair. THEN SPRAY PAINT HIM PURPLE.  
Sorry Jake.  
Oh and Bella 4 truth...hmmm...will it b weird having Leah as a sister? Oops did I spoil something?  
L8R**

NICOLE: Hm… I don't know. She did send us this amazing candy.

SETH: And my taser.

EMILY: And the Amazing Spinny Chair of Doom!

Jacob phases and Emily tases. Hey, that rhymes! Unfortunately, his hair only poofed up in a small area where the taser hit, so Seth and Nicole joined in to ensure that he was 100% poofy. Then the director dug up a can of purple spray paint and began tagging Jake.

BELLA: Wait a minute, Leah's my sister? How is that even possible?

EDWARD: Just let it go. These viewers will drive you crazy if you let them get to you.

EMILY: That's all for now folks! If you really love me you'll understand that I'm still a page behind in reviews and give me a little more time to catch up before posting again! Thanks for understanding! Now, I'm off to go take a shower, maybe practice some flag and riffle spins if I have extra time, and then Nicole and I have to be off to rehearsal for tonight's performance!

NICOLE: Bye everyone! We hope you're all cheering us on!


	18. Episode 18

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 18

RATING: 3 for I'm almost 3 pages behind on reviews! Ah!

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: So, Footloose was a success! The both of us had a lot of fun, and today we have two more shows.

NICOLE: And afterwards I'm sleeping over at Emily's, and we're going to watch A Very Potter Musical, The Return of the King, and play Kingdom Hearts!

EMILY: *flipping through reviews* Nicole. Why do I get the weird feeling that we're being bribed?

NICOLE: What gives you that impression, the truckloads of candy that keep showing up at our doorstep of the increase in Team Emily and Nicole merchandise sales?

EMILY: Good point. Okay, because I'm so far behind on reviews, I guess we'll just jump right in. First off is one from Iluvmypuppy:

**Whats up emily, i just want to say u rock and im definatly team jacob :D...but i don't completly hate edward so i'll go easy on him-DARE:i dare edward 2 go 2 the ellen degeneres show and sing the song white and nerdy while wearing steve erkal clothes and doing the lil polka dance. and for bella-TRUTH:have u ever felt like u were completly stupid and if so when? Emily keep it comin... and i dare u 2 put TOD to good use on Jane.**

EMILY: Hm. Well, Ellen doesn't have new episodes on during the summer, so the only way this would be possible would be to wait until the show comes back…

SETH: Or use the time machine?

EMILY: No, I have a better idea! We'll use the time machine!

SETH: Oh, I like that idea!

EMILY: We can send him back to when Robert Pattinson was on the show and take his spot. Alright, Edward, get in the time machine!

Edward is sent back in time to appear on the Ellen show in Robert's place, thus ruining his reputation with a Steve Urkel-style White and Nerdy performance.

BELLA: I don't think I've ever felt completely stupid so much as useless. I tend to get in the way a lot.

EMILY: And don't worry. I would never put TOD to bad use – with a taser, there is no such thing! *tases Jane* See? Completely necessary!

SETH: Now we have a review from Pottergoose:

**Yay, my first review for the story, and it immediately got answered. How did I know that Emmett would just love that dare? lol! I know vamps can't get drunk, but we can pretend lol  
Truth: Hey, Renesmee, did you know your Jacob kissed your mother twice?  
Dare: I dare the new gofer, *ahem Jacob hehe* to strip down to nothing (and I mean NOTHING NO BOXERS EITHER!) and sit that way for the rest of the show**

JACOB: You've got to be kidding me!

EDWARD: But I'm the current gofer?

NICOLE: Then you can both do the dare.

BOTH: What?

NICOLE: Just do it.

BOTH: *take their clothes off*

ALL: Eww…

JACOB: *phases*

EDWARD: You ditcher! That was not part of the dare!

JACOB: *sticks his tongue out*

RENESMEE: Yes, I took the time to watch the DVDs that one viewer sent over. It's certainly awkward, but not as weird as this show we're trapped on.

NICOLE: Well… sucks for you. In any case, this was sent in from LaughterIsLife:

**Hmm, this truth is for Quil, how did you feel when you first imprinted on Claire? And for a dare, I dare Leah, Paul, and Jared to throw water balloons filled with cream cheese, pickle juice, shaving cream, and relish at Sam. And Sam, don't say you hate me, are going to kill me, etc, cuz the feeling is mutual. You hurt a girl emotionally, I torture you with my dares. *Grins evilly***

QUIL: If I had known beforehand I was going to imprint on a little kid I would've been really upset, but when I did imprint it was like I didn't even care about her age. I just always wanted to be around her to make her happy, you know?

LEAH: Aw, how sweet… Now begin the water balloon fight!

SAM: Traitors, all of you!

Leah, Paul, and Jared begin pelting water balloons of the listed ingredients and god knows what else at Sam.

JASPER: Don't ask where they came from. It is just another one of the many unexplainable things on this show.

EMILY: Now that that's over with, I have a review from WhoNeedsJacobBlackWhenUHaveJB:

**Hey Jake. Ur rabbit. All vampires go 4 a lil spin in it. Pay back 2 Edward-I loved ur volvo.  
Okays that dare...hmmm...truth.  
Well Nicole describe Emily in real life if shes not the Evil Genious we all love and admire.  
Oh and Edward. I live in Alaska(not kidding)and Tanya well...I invited her 2 the audience. Sorry. Oh and her whol coven!  
Emily do u want a extra coven. Just call moi.(mwa)**

NICOLE: Because we need the vampires for other truths and dares, why don't we make them all take turns going around the block a couple times after the episode?

EMILY: That works.

NICOLE: And as for your truth… I actually think Emily may have a split personality, but I'm not so sure. Usually in class she's quiet and nice, but she gets like she is now when she's hyper.

EMILY: Well, what good is being a supervillain without having to go undercover in public? Honestly.

NICOLE: Whatever you say.

EMILY: About the coven thing, if anyone needs one of them for a truth or dare I'll keep you posted.

SETH: Okay, this is from :

**Well Emily? U need 2 bring a lil spice on the show!  
I declare 4 dare I want y'all 2 dress up in disney costumes. Emily will pick! (Oh and I would recommand Jake being Snow White just saying)  
Oh and 4 truth...  
Eh I hate truths.  
Oh and another dare...Emily u pick 1.  
Oh and the nerds was funny bring on something spazzy! Er I meant 2 add cool stuff!  
Worlds Biggest Hershy Bar is on the other side of the review. How fun!**

EMILY: You can't ask me to pick! I'm indecisive; just ask anyone!

NICOLE: Wow. That is a really is a big Hershey bar.

EMILY: Did I ever tell you how much I love bribes?

EDWARD: But what about my other dare?  
CARLISLE: What, do you want to sit around naked?

EDWARD: Good point.

They all run off to the costume store down the street so see what Disney costumes they can find, the Volturi seeming the most excited of all of them. When they get back, everyone's dressed up as a character, and surprisingly enough, no two people are the same. Aside from Snow White/Jacob, only the Volturi guys dressed up as their favorite Disney princesses.

EMILY: Now we have a review from Annie Cullen xx:

**This is hilarious!  
My truth for... Bella *grins evilly* Can you honestly say you haven't imagined Jacob naked or at least thought "Oh, he's hot!" ?  
And my dare is for... Emmett. Now I love Jasper, but Emmett give the guy a haircut PLEASE!  
Oh and Alice, be my new best friend and I dare you to wear a pair of Ugg boots.  
*blushes* hi Edward, Jacob... I'm Team Switzerland!**

BELLA: I guess I have thought that he's hot more than once, but as for imagining him naked… Well, it's not so hard to imagine any more, I guess.

EMMETT: About time! *drags Jasper into the bathroom to cut his hair*  
JASPER: What? But don't have him do it! He doesn't know what he's doing!

EMMETT: Relax, I won't go overboard.

ALICE: Uh, okay. But they probably won't match my Tinker Bell costume. *puts on a pair of Uggs the director tosses to her from out of the Bag of Doom*

NICOLE: This next review is from Jasperlover98:

**Thanks for putting my reveiw. I still love this story! :) And i promise Alice im not like the diretor(sorry emily). Darn Bella that makes me mad. I love you Jazzy. Thought id tell you. And thanks Alice for the i love you back that hurts me. Anyway my truth is for Jasper: If Alice ever made u so mad where would you go?( u can allways come see me.) Dare: I dare Jacob to take the teaser and tease Sam for 30 mins. Hahahahah. Another truth: Esme in the Cullen Clan who would you say is the best couple? Hahahah i love this Fanfiction Emily.  
i love you Cullen bots(cept for emment your ugly)  
~Hayley! :)**

EMILY: It's cool. We can't all be as awesome as me.

ARO: It's like she has no concept…

JASPER: I never really thought about that… I don't know. Do you want me to go to your place?  
SAM: You can't tase me! I'm Woody, from Toy Story!

JACOB: Too bad! *grabs the taser and begins tasing Sam*

ESME: Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I'd have to say Carlisle and I. We almost never get into fights.

EMILY: Okay, I think we can fit in one or two more. This is a review from Kyranicle:

**Ok. Hi again! I dare Jasper to make Alec and Bella feel lust for an hour! (At the end, Alec should be proposing to Bella!)  
Edward, I dare you to stalk someone. Not Bella. How about... ANGELA! Have fun with that. Hehe.  
I also want the truth from Rose, did you have dirty thoughts about Edward when you first met him?  
Emily, I dare you to tase Emmett for 5 minutes while kissing him. ;) Put that taser to good use! Remember, I know where you all live! :D**

JASPER: *now with his hair slightly shorter* I seem to be using my powers on this show more often than I did in those movies we watched…

Alec begins trying to make out with Bella. When an hour is almost up he proposes, but Bella rejects him.

EDWARD: Angela? Why her?

NICOLE: Why not her? Now go stalk Angela for the rest of the show! When you get back we expect you to be able to give a full report. And then you can join the other vampires on Jacob's Rabbit.

ROSALIE: Of course I did. Who wouldn't? Not anymore, though.

EMILY: Wow… Let's just say I haven't been kissed in a long time. Ever since Christian Incident in elementary school, which I refuse to talk about.

SETH: So, will you do it?

EMILY: Ah, why not!

The director does her dare, somehow figuring out an effective way to tase and kiss and the same time. Afterwards, the vampires all take turns driving Jacob's Rabbit around the block a few times. Sometime during this Edward gets back from stalking Angela and joins in.

EMILY: Okay, so that about wraps it up for today! I have another two performances today, but Sunday I don't think I have anything the majority of the day, so I'll try to use that time to catch up. In the mean time, I'm not kidding about being several pages behind on reviews. I'll put this up today, but if you already have sent in a review that hasn't been answered yet, please wait until it has been before sending in another. Thanks for understand, and I'll see you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	19. Episode 19

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 19

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: I'm so sorry I haven't written as many of these as I'd like to, but I was busybusybusy, and it never fails to amaze me how much farther behind I can get with each episode I post, so I'll try what I did before again and write as many as I can and post them all at once… sorry if that makes any of you impatient people upset. Besides, I'm not in a great mood now I'm exhausted from performances all weekend, plans changed and now Nicole sleeping over got moved to next week

NICOLE: That wasn't my fault!

EMILY: And on top of it all I lost my cell phone!

NICOLE: Again?

EMILY: Again. But this time it wasn't in the car.

SETH: I guess you're just going to start with the reviews, then?

EMILY: You guess correctly. Okay, so all ranting aside, I now have a review from DoUHaveATwitterJustWondering! By the way, I'm thinking I'll have to start being more selective about the reviews I put on the show now, just because there is absolutely no way I'll ever get through them all anymore.

**Emily do u have a twitter?  
Dare: Jacob...hmm...Quil bring Jake 2 the pound and say I found this dog and act all puppish  
Truth: Emmet whats ur best prank?  
Oh and...uh...  
TEAM EDWARD!  
Team Jacobs r 4 losers**

EMILY: Okay, that's actually a long story. I did have my own Twitter for a while, then I changed it to join a Twitter Twilight roleplaying thing as Athenodora, but eventually I got kicked out, tried to start up my own, and that didn't really work out because hardly anyone joined or cared, so I gave up and haven't been on since. I should make another one, though. I just haven't gotten around to it.

QUIL: Alright, Jake! Looks like you're spending the day in the pound!

JACOB: That's ridiculous. No one is going to buy that.

NICOLE: Too bad. Just do it.

So Quil and Jacob leave to do their dare.

EMMETT: Prank? Well, there was this one time Alice dragged Jasper and I to the mall with her. I went back and parked Jasper's car on the top level later, and while Alice saw I was going to do it, she joined in and drove back with me. Jasper spent at least an hour looking for his car and to this day had no idea how it got there.

JASPER: So it was you two who did it!

SETH: Okay, next! This is from My name does not matter:

**I love this! and it's definately team Emily!(do you have coffee mugs?t-shirts? i don't know what to give my cousin for her b-day)truth: everyone has to say what they thought about the movies that another viewer kindly sent. and no one's paying attention to the rest of the volturi:( soooooooo dare: Chelsea and Afton what's the most disguting thought you ever had about each other?and Emily i need to know when you will be putting your merchandise for purchase, i need a new backpack!**

BELLA: I think this 'Kristen' person makes me look bad. I don't like her.

EDWARD: And I look anemic or something. Are my lips really that purple?

JACOB: Personally, I thought I looked sexy as always.

SAM: Hey, when did you get back?

QUIL: We took him down the pound, scared the employee away, and then circled around and came back.

CARLISLE: Well, I didn't think they were that bad.

EMBRY: Sure they were. What was up with those tattoos our pack had? So weird!

ARO: I thought the Volturi looked delightfully evil.

CHELSEA: Are you kidding? There is no such thing as 'disgusting'.

AFTON: What about bugs?

CHELSEA: Ewe, those are disgusting!

AFTON: …Right. Well, I'm not sure what you mean by disgusting, but there have certainly been some dirty thoughts that were later turned into actions.

CHELSEA: Technically this is supposed to be rated T, so we'll just leave the rest of to interpretation. *winks*

EMILY: Alrightie, then. As for the Team Emily merchandise, I've got a while isle dedicated to it at Evil R Us! Anyway, 87angel78 posted:

**Woohoo! Emily you rock your so LOL! Seth i love you! And PS I'm team EDWARD so Jacob, i dare you to wear a pink "team edward" shirt for the rest of the chapter! andi dare alice to go a week without shopping! Haha i love shopping :) for truth, has Jasper ever used emotions to get revenge on any of his siblings? Emily again your awesome! wish i could be on your staff I'd be better than Nicole and actualy listen to you! Anyway your awesome love you TEAM EMILY!**

NICOLE: *tosses Jacob a pink Team Edward shirt*

JACOB: Are you kidding me? It's bad enough I even have to wear a shirt, but this is just ridiculous.

ALICE: No! Not my semi-weekly shopping trip!

JASPER: If I told you that, then it wouldn't be much of a secret anymore. But no, I haven't used it for quote-on-quote 'revenge'. Just, know, to stop anyone from being mad at me and get out of having to clean my room.

ESME: So that's why it never gets done.

JASPER: Hey, I like it the way it is! And I know exactly where to find anything in it. So there.

NICOLE: Emily, I'm offended.

EMILY: Aw, it's okay. It's rather difficult to get people here who I don't know personally, like Nicole. And maybe she doesn't worship me like a god when we all know she should, that's part of why I love her. Also because she's an amazing singer and we have the same tastes in just about everything.

NICOLE: Aww… I love you too, Emily!

EMILY: That's enough of that. Seth, you read the next one.

SETH: Aye aye! So, this was sent in by ChocolateLover115:

**I want to be your gofer! I could have gotten that vanilla bean for you fastt than Seth! Anyways, love this, wish it was in cable. Truth: Carlisle, did you think that Esme throwing herself off a cliff was a tad extreme? Dare: Seth has to look over a kitten for the entire season while the other wolves are in wolf form(making it difficult for the cat to stay)! Hope you guys are well, Emily keep on rocking!**

CARISLE: A tad? More like _very_ extreme.

ESME: I had my reasons.

CARLISLE: *eh-hem* Not very good ones.

ESME: *death glare*

SETH: You mean I get to have a kitty cat?

EMILY: Oh, that should be fun. I have two cats myself, Matisse and Squeak. Except Squeak lives outdoors and he's old, not that soft, and drools, while Matisse is evil and hates me for some odd reason that I can never understand.

NICOLE: Edward, you're the gofer right now. Go pick up a kitten.

EDWARD: But then won't it be scared of me?

NICOLE: Probably. But I don't see how the pack can be phased the entire time, if they're needed for other dares.

EMILY: No problem. Then they'll just be phased when they have nothing to do or say.

NICOLE: This is from I love mike chang 28:

**='[ why does everyone enjoy hurting Jacob? He may not be as good as Seth but that's no reason to taze somebody! Poor little Jacob. er, I mean, Poor big Jacob. grr! I mean...poor Jacob. I'm kinda angry now. AND I wanna help Felix get over his whole traumaized thingy, so... I dare Felix to taze Jane. Sorry Jane. And as for truth... hmm. I'm never good with coming up with truths. Hm. Okay. I don't know. Anways...  
Feel better Jacob! I love you! (not as much as Seth, or Embry, or Paul...or...you get the point. You are still loved!)  
and sorry again Jane, but he only has to taze you for ten seconds! =]**

EMILY: This could be difficult.

Everyone attempts to get Felix to hold up the taser without much success. Eventually Nicole has to help him hold it up to tase Jane.

ARO: Perhaps we should get him a therapist?

MARCUS: Maybe.

CAIUS: I had forgotten about him. He was so quiet in that corner all by himself.

MARCUS: Aw, well! What's the next review?

SETH: Well, I have one from MickeyMouse16:

**Hey Emily And Nicole!..Love The Fanfic, Its Soooo Funny !  
Team Emily ! :)  
Dare: I Dare Rosalie and Jacob to Kiss ( i Know How Much They Hate Each Other!)and then let emmett beat up jacob for kissing his girl!( i just want jacob in pain!)  
Truth:Rosalie, Do You Really love emmett because it really doesnt sseem like it,please be nice to him! and tell him how much you love him!  
Team Emmett! Superhero's are Awesome! and so Is Disney!**

JACOB: Honestly, I'm more afraid of Rosalie's wrath than Emmett's. He's not half as scary.

EMMETT: Hey! I am too scary!

JACOB: *kisses Rosalie* Okay. Do your worst.

EMMETT: Why you little—

Cue the giant cartoon fighting cloud!

ROSALIE: Emmett, you jerk! How do you expect me to confess my love when you're too busy fighting a werewolf?

NICOLE: Well… we'll get back to that. Anyway, here's a review posted by Pnkrkriotgirl:

**Emily you are the greatest host alive. For Truth I would like Bella to tell Alice how she really feels about all the shopping trips and dressing up. Since Paul is not getting any love I dare him to come to my house and enjoy a wonderful dinner of Pot Roast with homemade bread. Can't wait to see what will happen next. Team Paul all the way!**

BELLA: Look, Alice… as you're probably well aware, I'm obviously not a huge fan of shopping trips or dressing up. But I'm willing to do whatever makes you happy.

ALICE: Aww. I love you too, Bella!

NICOLE: *rolls eyes*

PAUL: You mean it? Whoohoo! I'll stop by tonight, as soon as this episode is over. Assuming the director lets me.

EMILY: Meh. I guess it was a dare… Speaking of which, I now have one from ChocolateLover115:

**I made a Nicole fan club! I dare Emily to caste me as tge nerd wrangler. I also dare every fictional character to dance the miss America dance from miss congeniality. For a truth...aro admit that you're gay, be proud! Ps-I 3 Disney. And Seth, will you marry me? There can even be a special room for your new taser!**

**Ooohhhhh! Aro, meet the robinsons, robin hood, and the hunchback of notre dame are good Disney movies not already listed. You should go to Disney world after this and have a marathon in Cinderella's castle! Heck, you should move there...on second thought, maybe you shouldn't...don't want kids drained of blood. Might ruin the resort's reputation. I dare you also to watch the non Disney- yes they're Fox movies unlike how some peope think that they are Disney- Anastasia and Thumbelina! Then for truth you have to say how good it is! 3 you aro! Ps- caius can go jump off a bridge!**

CAIUS: A bridge? I don't see what good that would do…

SETH: *blushes* B-But I'm too young to get married!

ARO: For the last time, I'm not gay! …I'm bi.

SULPICIA: What?

EDWARD: But you weren't before?

ARO: I know. I just decided earlier today, idiot.

DEMETRI: *le gasp* Oh, I wanna stay in Cinderella's castle! Can we, oh pleeease?

MARCUS: Isn't our own castle good enough for you?

EMILY: Okay, so that's it for today! Everyone now has to break into Miss America dance and then we're going to my place to watch Anastasia and Thumbelina! I think I have them both on tape.

CARLISLE: But what if you don't know the dance?

NICOLE: Figure it out.

PAUL: But what about my dinner plans with a complete stranger?

NICOLE: Afterwards.

PAUL: But-

SETH: No buts!

EMILY: *hugs Seth* Look at 'im, Nicole! He's following in our footsteps!

JACOB: You both will make awful parents.

NICOLE: What do you know? You're just a fictional character.

ESME: Ouch.

EMILY: Uh… Anyway, that's about it for today! We'll see you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	20. Episode 20

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 20

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: I got my braces off! Whoo! But now I have to wear these stupid retainers, so that's no fun, but still. Oh, and I ate a chocolate-covered caramel apple! It was almost worth it just for that. I also found my cell phone… it was in my violin case the entire came. Not as bad as when I lost it in the car for a month, though. Anywho, I digress.

NICOLE: So, we all watched Anastasia and Thumbelina last night.

ARO: I could've sworn those were Disney! What's the difference?

CARLISLE: I'm not sure. They just aren't.

EDWARD: They were good, though.

EMILY: Oh yeah, and I just remembered, a couple of friends and I are trying to plan a Kingdom Hearts cosplay for an anime convention in January! Of course, I don't know the first thing about sewing and can't afford to buy the costumes, so that should be interesting.

NICOLE: Hey, Emily Share Time is over. We're doing truth and dare now.

EMILY: Aw, phooey! It's always time for Emily Share Time.

NICOLE: …Whatever. This first review is from Little Angel of Love:

**I love this more and more. Nicole, everyone seems to forget you :( so here's a chair too. Now down to buisness. Dare: Jacob I'm sorry. I'm only saying that cuz my boyfriend thinks ur awesome. I darenoth Nicole and Emily to shoot Jacob with a bazooka. Mwhahahahaha  
Truth: Rosalie how do you feel about niggahiga's videos bout twilight nd new moon. They're hilarious. I bought both Emily and Nicole two enormous boxes of candy and popcorn. Hope you like them**

NICOLE: Yipee! *begins spinning in circles*

EMILY: *rolls eyes* Come on. That was _so_ episode 17.

NICOLE: Awww. But what about the bazooka?

EMILY: Are you kidding? That never gets old! *pulls out the bazooka and shoots Jacob across the room*

NICOLE: My turn! My turn! *grabs the bazooka and shoots Jake again*

ROSALIE: I don't know. I personally think they're stupid… at least I'm not in any of them.

EMILY: *death glare* Nigahiga hater!

ROSALIE: Hmph.

SETH: Alright, here's one of the many reviews from EdwardILoveYou:

**I did it! I made mine! But um...it suxs. I wanna taser but that will be copying any advice?  
Oh and can u make these twice a day instead of everyday? Cuz they r really really cool!  
Dare: I dare u 2 let me borrow Bella and Edward everytime u at the end of the show. They will come back spazzed and disoranted but cant u help ur biggest fan?  
Truth: Jasper uh...whats the weirdest story involing Emmett and one member of the wolve pack?  
HOPE U DO A HAPPY DANCE WHEN U GET THIS. Oh and um...hmmm...  
I sent u a puppy. Girl puppy. Hope 1 of the werewolves imprints. Haha.  
Oh and another thing of soda and popcorn.  
Also u know in Harry Potter? The candy shop? I sent u all of the stuff in there. They said they were going to restock it.**

EMILY: Honestly, I don't think I could be of much help until I read it. Where can I find it? As for borrowing them, be my guest.

EDWARD: Evil, I tell you!

NICOLE: Twice a day? It's hard enough to do one once a day with everything else going on in our lives.

EMILY: No kidding. Especially with how busy I was these last few days… that's partly why I'm trying to do more to make it up to everyone.

JASPER: Well, there was this one time that

SETH: Hey, look, they really did send a puppy! *Seth's kitten leaps out of his arms at the sight of the puppy* Hey, wait up! *jumps up and begins chasing the kitten around the room*

EMILY: Oh em gee, it's adorable! *grabs puppy*

NICOLE: Hey, no fair! I want to hold it!

JASPER: Well, there was this one time that Emmett challenged Sam to a dance-off as we were waiting for the battle against the newborn army to begin. The movies seem to have left that out.

BELLA: I never heard about that. Who won?

EMMETT: I did.  
SAM: You actually call what you did dancing? More like flailing your arms around and jumping up and down.

EMMETT: Hey, it's not better than yours!

JASPER: …I'd say it was a draw. They both sucked at dancing pretty bad.

NICOLE: *talking high-pitched and whatnot* Aw, who's a good puppy? You are! You are!

SETH: *still running around the room in circles after his kitten*

JACOB: Okay, enough about the puppy! Can you just continue?

EMILY: *eh-hem* Well, _excuse_ me if he makes a cuter dog than you do. Jealous much?

JACOB: Why would I be jealous of a puppy?

NICOLE: Well, seeing as Seth is a little busy at the moment… *takes his note cards* Here's one from AliceKingsleyII:

**This story is amazing! Yay Jacob is purple! Purple is my fav color! Emily I have decided that you are officialy the most awsomely evil director ever. ( I'm sending you a shiny trophy that says that!) so I dare Jane to ask out Quil ( haha quil that's what you get for not being an awsomely sparckling vampire!) and for a truth hmmm... Roselie exactly how many people have you kissed while you have been married to emmet? ( ha you can't lie you way out of that one sucker!)  
p.s. No pun intended. **

EMILY: Shiiinnnyyy.

NICOLE: ..What about the puppy?

EMILY: But it's so shhhhiiiinnny.

NICOLE: Figures. One-track minded.

JANE: Okay, so which one of you is Quil?

EMILY: *snaps back into reality… more or less* Oh, oh! So a couple of friends and I came up with a way of telling the Quileute members apart a while back.

JACOB: And what was that?

EMILY: Hm… I don't remember.

EMMETT: Good job.

EMILY: I think one of them looked Asian, one looked like they stayed up all night… something like that.

JANE: Boy, that sure was helpful.

EMILY: I try!

QUIL: _Anyway_, I'm Quil.

JANE: Okay. Do you, you know, want to go out sometime?

QUIL: Sure!

JANE: *blinks* What do you mean, 'sure'? You're supposed to say no, you idiot! Besides, you're already imprinted! God!

QUIL: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's just funny seeing you, Leah, and Rosalie mad.

LEAH: What's funny about that?

QUIL: *shrugs* You just all seem to be girls with attitude problems. I don't know.

ROSALIE: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that as I answer this next question. Hm… I want to say maybe three?

EMMETT: I guess that's not so bad. But still.

SETH: *sits back down with the kitten, finally* I'm back! By the way, I apologize if any of your reviews are skipped. The directors are making me because they're lazy.

EMILY: That's not what I said.

NICOLE: But it's true.

EMILY: Shut up!

SETH: But I assure you, they've at least read them all and have received anything you send, whether it's mentioned or not! That being said, I now have one from GeorgiaCullen.x:

**Heey Emily You rock!  
Edward I lovee youu & and i'm not going to dare you anything seeing as you keep getting picked on.  
Truth: Jasper have you ever had feelings for Rosalie or Bella?  
Dare: Emmett to sit on Jacobs lap until the end of the episode(I love you guys really!) I LOVE YOU ALL! (:**

JASPER: Nope!

ALICE: The hell you didn't.

EMMETT: Um… if you insist… *relocates to Jacob's lap*

SAM: Oh, good. So it's not just me, then.

EDWARD AND JACOB: *unpleasant grumbling*

EMILY: Lady X says:

**ok, since I'm assuming Maria is still in this cuz of my previous review * glares daggers at Emily if she isn't * my dare is for Jasper + Maria to have a STEAMY make out session!* cackles * oh,and Maria CHASE him if you need to. Ohh I've wanted to ask this forever! For truth, Jazzy how tall ARE you? Exact height dearie. And one more truth ... I want Alice and Maria to say exactly what they think of each other . Emily you are the best ! Your the second most evil person I know! First only being when me and my cuz get together. And Emily you are right gay friends are awesome are they not?**

JASPER: I'm 6'3".

MARIA: *evil grin* Just like old times, eh?

JASPER: Eep! *jumps up and tries to run*

MARIA: *tackles Jasper to the ground and begins making out with him until he gives in*

ALICE: I have to say, I really don't like Maria. I think she's stubborn and manipulative and took advantage of my Jazzy.

MARIA: *as soon as she decided she's done* I can say the same for you for taking him away from me.

NICOLE: Here is a review by Carlisle is sexy 3:

**omg i found this today :D ahaaaa this is to awesome  
okay dare : I dare carlisle and bella to make out for 10 minites, in nothing but underwear (bella you have to go and sit on his lap) as when you stiched up bella's arm when jasper attempted to eat her i thought i saw a lil sumin going on...  
truth: errr carlisle again.. whos you favourite child.? if you dont chosse jane has to use her power on esme till you do :)  
emily your to cool TEAM EMILY oo and CARLISLE**

ESME: Honey. Is there something you'd like to tell me?

CARLISLE: What? No! Nothing happened.

BELLA: Yet. We have a dare, remember?

And thus, Bella and Carlisle began making out in their underwear to Esmen and Edward's displeasure.

CARLISLE: *afterwards* How am I supposed to pick?

ESME: I don't care how, but just hurry up and do it before Jane starts using her powers!

CARLISLE: Alright, alright… hm… Renesmee, I guess. I mean, technically she's not my child, but I think it counts. Besides, she is cuter than the rest of you.

RENESMEE: *embarrassed smile*

EMMETT: No fair!

NICOLE: Now here's one from Twiligrl:

**OMC! I luv this! =] It makes me smile! =] Okay, so for a dare I dare all the Volturi guys to dress up and sing California Girls at the entrance of the mall! =] And for truth Edward: What's it like knowing Jacob will be your future son-in-law?**

EDWARD: A little odd, considering he still appears to like Bella. I still can't believe I have to be related to him.

EMILY: You know, I bet we could get a hold of some of those outfits they used in the music videos.

JACOB: You mean the half-naked candy ones? Good god, no!

BELLA: I'm concerned that you know what she's referring to.

NICOLE: I guess we do have all this candy lying around that we're never going to finish…

Fairly soon everyone gets started on making the cast outfits out of candy and random clothing pieces lying around. As soon as they're finished, they all break into the dance from the California Girls music video right in front of a mall.

EVERYONE: _California girls  
We're unforgettable  
Daisy Dukes  
Bikinis on top  
Sun-kissed skin  
So hot  
We'll melt your Popsicle  
Oooooh oh oooooh…_

EMILY: Well, that's all for now! I'm almost caught up, so I suppose I'll post these for now. But rest assured, I'll probably be bogged down again within another day or so! Anyway, thanks for your patronage and I can't wait until next time.


	21. Episode 21

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 21

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Sorry about the long delay. I'll admit I've been a bit lazy the last couple of days, but I did have several late nights with Rent at the Hollywood Bowl, Nicole sleeping over after we went to The Three Musketeers, and going to the new mall at the Promenade.

NICOLE: Okay, so here's one from Darkknightprincess222 to start with:

**Emily, this is fricken hilarious! I dare Seth to take his shirt off ;) and for my truth...aro, do you really think you're a badass? You're not :P  
I LOVE YOU SETH! SCREW YOU EDWARD!**

SETH: Uh, okay, then. *takes his shirt off*

EMILY: *fangirl squeal*

EDWARD: You squeal at the strangest things.

NICOLE: You should've seen her with the balrog. Priceless.

EMILY: Hey, everyone loves a good balrog!

NICOLE: I know, but… never mind.

ARO: Are you kidding? If you looked up 'badass' in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of me.

CAIUS: What kind of badass would've invited me to see Despicable Me with him?

ARO: Hey! Even badasses can like those adorable little minions!

MARCUS: Whatever you say.

JACOB: Hey, what ever happened to the cat and dog you guys had?

NICOLE: We had to put them away so they wouldn't cause any more distractions. There's backstage right now.

SETH: This review is from Liabutt:

**OMFG EMILY I LOVE UR FANFIKK! lol ok  
dare: i dare nessy to kiss edWEIRD for 5 minuets and bella kiss jacob for 10 :) I LOVE YOU JACOB! so 4 your dare...you get to taze edWEIRD foe 30 minuets  
cant you just tell i hate eddy ^_^ tehehe  
oh and emily, nikky,and seth...i got all three of you your own truck lode of candy...and 100 bucks each...TEAM EMILY!**

RENESMEE: B-But, that's just so wrong!

EMMETT: You should've seen some of the other dares.

EDWARD: Alright, let's just get this over with.

Edward and Renesmee start kissing, while Jacob and Bella do so as well.

SETH: Emily… why did you bring your laptop?

EMILY: I'm making a Twitter. My new username is Autumnstar_, if anyone's wondering.

NICOLE: If you say so.

JACOB: *after 10 minutes is up* This is being a jerk! *starts tasing Edward*

EMILY: *shuts computer* Okay, my background's being stupid and the fail whale's started getting on my nerves again, so I'll read the next review now. It's from Annie Cullen xx:

**Pahaha! Please, I am begging you, use my dare/truths! You are funnier than any comedian if that helps Emily?  
Truth for Bella *glares* - have you ever imagined jacob naked since edward can't read your mind?  
Dare for Alice - I love you and all but... Gah, cut up your credit cards and wear ugg boots!  
For everyone -  
Team Edward or Jacob, and whos hotter?  
PS - Edward is a sexyhead lol and Alice be my bff :D  
Love,  
Annie x**

BELLA: *blinks* What was the glare for? And so what if I have – it's not so hard with him going around with his shirt off all the time.

ALICE: You evil, evil person. *attempting to keep a straight face as she puts back on the boots and begins cutting up her credit cards*

CARLISLE: I have a feeling for your Team Edward/Jacob question, all the vampires are going to say Edward and all the wolves will say Jacob.

SAM: You got that right.

ARO: Can I just say, I am indifferent. Jacob is just as hot as Edward.

JANE: …Okay, you can shut up now.

NICOLE: Here's one from Julia Fischer:

**Hi! I'm Julia. Um, I have a truth and a dare, but first I have something to tell the Twilight peeps.  
1. YOU ARE ALL SO TOTALLY AWESOME!  
2. Jane, please please please teach me how to use your power so that I can make 3 of my siblings (the other one is just fine)stop bothering me all the time.  
3. Jacob and Seth, I LOVE YOU PEOPLES!  
4. Cullens and Bella, you rock.  
5. Emily and wolves, you are awesome.  
6. Bella, when you have Nessie please tell her that she is the cutest little girl ever for me?  
7. Edward, you're the coolest Cullen who's a dude.  
8. Jacob or Seth... please call me. Not sayin' that ya have to.  
DARE: Seth, I'm so sorry if you don't like this dare (it involves a lot of sweet stuff.) but you have to eat 20 donuts, 5 cakes, and 3 cupcakes in a day. Particularly when the next show is. If I can do another dare, I'll message you again.  
TRUTH: Edward, have you ever thought about what you and Bella's baby will be named? Because she's gonna name her Renesmee, after Renee and Esme (Aw, Bella, that's so sweet of you!). And then Jacob will nickname her after the Loch Ness Monster, and Bella will get all mad and attack him (She'll be a newborn vampire.) but Seth will save Jacob and all that- have I said too much? I hope not! Bye! Um, author of this story, if you have twitter, please message me on my account, I think we can be good friends :) I'm Julia1022. Bye, sorry this is so so SOOOO long! *Julia*  
**

RENESMEE: Thanks?

ROSALIE: Wow. That was long.

SETH: Why should I be upset about that dare? Everyone loves sweets!

QUIL: I'd like to see him say that when he's finished.

EMILY: Since I seem to have forgotten who my current gofer is, I'm sending… Esme to go pick them up!

ESME: *leaves to go do so*

EDWARD: Are you kidding? I didn't even know we were allowed to have a baby until just a few episodes ago.

BELLA: I can't even begin to explain how weird it is to have people you don't even knowing spoiling what happens in your own life…

EMILY: Hey look, she is on here.

SETH: I thought you gave up on Twitter because it was pissing you off?

EMILY: I did, but then I turned it on to check my Facebook notifications.

NICOLE: You loser. At least let me check mine before you close it again!

EMILY: Okay, okay, one minute…

SETH: And while you do that, I've got another review. This time it's from Crzy1emo1chick:

**Someone said something about "Who wants to be cold, sparkle in the sun, drink blood, and have no heartbeat?" Well, I do, duh! Anyway, I dare you to attack Jacob with your taser! Sorry, Jake...actually, I'm not sorry. I'm team Paul all the way! I totes love you! Um, Seth, the only reason the pack hates you is because they are jealous! Ooo! Can I get a 'Team Emily" ninja headband! Send it to my address, 5959 LA Push Lane! And Emily, would you help me in my 'truth dare other stuff fic'? I recently kicked off my other co workers. And we're alone! I love you Paul...Oh, wait, I think I said that. Oh well...**

EMILY: *shuts computer again* Sure thing, just send me the link or something and I'll check it out.

NICOLE: Hey! It was my turn.

EMILY: Oops. *hands over lap top* Okay, I think you know the password. In the mean time, I have a werewolf to taser!

The director jumps up and begins attacking Jacob with the taser just as Esme comes back in and gives the baked goods to Seth. This was going all right until about two cakes and fifteen donuts in, when Seth began to feel sick but kept going.

NICOLE: *finishes up checking her Facebook and shuts the computer down*

EMILY: What? Don't shut it down! It takes forever to boot back up.

NICOLE: Maybe that way it won't interfere with your _work_.

EMILY: Meh.

NICOLE: Now that that's taken care of, I have here a review sent in by TheMotherShipForgotMe.:

**Aloha emily and nicole and all characters!, you rock the fanfic world and are the most awsometasticalistic rocker ever, you remind me of well, myself, but moving on...*laughs nervously*, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE YOU ROCK! and edweirdo you suck eggs soo bad and bellabitch could you be more annoying? no wait dont answer that... oh and jacob you are soo cool and HOT and incredibly funny as is jasper actually, hmmm jasper... um right *looks around* im awake!sorry alice (the best fashionista eva, id go sopping with you anyday!). but anyway getting to the point  
TRUTH:jasper if alice didnt exist, what would your perfect girl be like, in looks and personality?  
DARE:edward, bella, i believe matching lycra body suits in a incredibly fetching shade of orange with pink tints will suit you greatly wear them, be them, LIVE THEM!*laughs maniacly!*  
p.s rosalie you rock! seth your friends with vamps, that rocks!  
and bella dearest, suck it up. also can i participate in the next airing, if so then my names lily, and id love a blow torch of candy!..(and yes i am going for the record for longest review but you do soo rock in all your evilness, oh and you nicole you totally rock, keep up the good work, all of you for that matter, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and i bid you adoo as im off laughing on a fast camel!  
x-lily-x/TheMotherShipForgotMe.**

JASPER: I'm not sure. I guess looks don't matter, as long as she's not ugly or anything, and as for personality, someone who's nice and fun to be around. Maybe a little spunky.

EDWARD: And where are we supposed to find lycra bodysuits?

EMILY: I'd be able to tell you that if _Nicole hadn't shut down my computer. _*death glare*

NICOLE: Oh, shut up. You're a director; just pull one of those unexplainable moves that you always do, like pull it out of the Bag of Doom or something like that.

EMILY: *reaches in and pulls out matching orange lycra bodysuits* Wow. You're good.

NICOLE: Thank you.

EMILY: *tosses suits to Bella and Edward* Alright, go put these things on!

BELLA: Ugh… orange just isn't my color.

SETH: And while they're doing that, may I read the next review?

NICOLE: Go ahead, Padawan.

SETH: It's by tEaM cArLiSiLe:

**Yay. I love this so much! Team Emily&Nicole all the way. You guys ROCK. Dare: I dare Esme (cause shes too nice)) to beat up Jacob and taser him cause I really do hate him and think hes rather creepy for imprinting with the daughter of the girl hes been obsessing over for most of the books. I dont know if thats just me but... Also if Esme wont Jane must use her powers on everyone in her family until she does. Muhahahahaha. Hmmmm...not so good at truths, dares are more fun but anywho, Truth: To the wolf pack. who is your favourite vampire?**

ESME: Um… okay…

NICOLE: *tosses TOD II across the room to her*

Esme nervously begins tasing Jacob.

EMILY: Yeah, you're right. She is too nice.

SAM: Favorite vampire? Of course I don't have a favorite; we despise all of them.

QUIL: Except for Nessie. She's kind of cute.

CLAIRE: *jealous glare*

LEAH: I don't know if she counts. Technically she's half human.

EMBRY: Isn't that part of the point?

BELLA AND EDWARD: *walk back in in the bodysuits*

BELLA: I'm not going outside in this.

NICOLE: I wouldn't call that attitude 'living them'.

EMILY: Whatever. Twerd's review says:

**Hey! Emily, you ARE THE SOLE ROOT OF PURE AWESOME!  
Ok, as a dare, I dare Edward two print THIS IS EDWARD CULLEN'S CAR in huge letters on his Volvo and take it for a spin around Forks!  
Truth: Bella, if you had to choose between Emmet and Jasper who would it be?  
Another dare: I dare Alice to make out for 10 minutes with Jasper's choice of any Volturi person!  
Sidenote to Bella: Kristen Stewart is currently dating Robert Pattinson and not Edward so you're safe.  
Sidenote to Aro: Try watching this movie, Twilight, you'll like it!  
Love the story Emily. Keep rockin'!**

ARO: Way ahead of you. Some other viewer sent those in, but personally, I still think Disney's better.

BELLA: I don't know, maybe Jasper? I mean, he is Exhibition Vampire and all.

EMMETT: Damn you Jasper!

JASPER: Hm… Alice, how does Demetri sound?

ALICE: Why Demetri?

JASPER: I don't know. He hasn't been doing a good job of being Ominous Voiceover Vampire lately.

DEMETRI: That's because nobody ever really needed one.

ALICE: I see. Alright, let's just get this done with. *starts making out with Demetri*

EMILY: Since that's all the time we have, Edward will go outside to do his dare now, and we'll see him back with everyone else in time for the next episode. Stay tuned and keep on the lookout for new updates to Twilight: Truth or Dare!


	22. Episode 22

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 22

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: I'll have to admit, I have a very short attention span and am actually rather surprised I've already cranked out over twenty of these things. For those of you who have stayed up-to-date on my work, I thank you, but you probably noticed I've stopping writing these all that often. With band camp starting for me in a week I probably won't have much time to write all the time anyway, so I think I'm going to make Twilight: Truth or Dare a 25-episode season, rather than just stopping abruptly somewhere in the middle.

ALL: *suddenly perk up at this*

NICOLE: Aw, then what are you planning on doing?

EMILY: I'm not sure yet. I've been slowly adding to my novel, and I just finished watching the entire Avatar series last week… And I completely forgot about my Kingdom Hearts and Star Wars script fan fictions. Trust me, I've got a lot of work to get done. Did I ever tell you about the web comics I was planning on making?

NICOLE: That's just great. Anyway, since it appears that there will only be three more episodes not including this one (assuming the director doesn't change her mind, because she's been known to do that), let's try and send in some really good truths and dares for these remaining few episodes.

EMILY: Gee, it's not like I'm going to disappear forever. Once school starts and things slow down a bit I might make a second season.

ALL: *excited looks suddenly fade*

EMILY: But you're right, people are probably already bored of listening to me blabbering on, so I'll just let Seth take it away with the first review for today.

SETH: Alrightie, then. This is one from xCuzImAwesomex:

**OMG! This story is hi-to-the-la-ri-ous! Okay, before my truth and dare(s), I'd like to give a shout-out to all my faves: Emily *gives Emily a bed-sized Hershey bar*, Rose *YEAH ROSALIE, WOOOHH!* Alice, Emmett, Carlisle (ur hot!), Chelsea, Felix, Marcus, Demetri, Aro (ur so GAY!) Jane (Power to the pain!) Jacob (love u...and ur totally hot abs!) Seth (will you be my brother, you are soooo my favorite wolf!) Alec, Leah (u rock Leah!) Paul, Esme, Emmett U ALL F***ING ROCK! Except for Bella: who is whiny, clumsy, ah-nnoying, clingy, possesive, and thinks too much. Seriously. And Edward: you are a 104-yr-old virgin for gods sake! Go get some already! And you are seriously possesive, talk really boring, and stalk Bella. You show 3 out of 5 signs of being a sociopath! Check it out on Amazon you creep-o! *takes huge breath*  
NOW FOR THE DARES!  
P.S- I regret nothing:  
These are for those IMGINARY characters out there who haven't had a chance to get thoroughly embarrassed yet:  
Edward- Eddie, I dare you to say a curse word (in ENGLISH, and loud enough so everyone can hear you!) or a random word like "ta-tas" or "cooter" or something like that whenever someone says the 'jackpot word'. Which just happens to be 'a'. That's right, 'a'.  
Bella- I dare you to French kiss Alec ON HIS LAP WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU for twenty minutes with Jasper sending powerful blasts of lust every 2 minutes and Eddie giving a VERY detailed play-by-play of it.  
Rosalie- Rose, if you had to French one person in the room (who is a LEGAL female) who would it be? And why?  
Rose again- I double-triple-banana-dare you to French that person you picked for 10 minutes. Mwahahahahahaahahahahha!  
So that's all. BTW- Don't mistake love for hate!  
And P.S- I hate you Bella! Hahahahaha!**

JACOB: That was looong.

EDWARD: Okay, I think I get what they mean. So every time someone says the word 'a', I have to shout out… ta-tas?

BELLA: I guess so.

JASPER: Okay, Bella, now I have to help you do your dare.

EMILY: *shakes head* Don't they realize I'm bad at writing play-by-plays by now? *uses super-secret skipping ahead technique that doesn't technically count as cheating but kind of still is*

Twenty minutes pass as Jasper continues to fuel Bella and Alec's French kissing session. Meanwhile, Edwards attempts to give a rather awkward play-by-play of the event.

EDWARD: Ta-tas!

ALICE: No one said the word.

EDWARD: But the director used it in her fanfiction narration?

CARLISLE: That doesn't count, does it?

EDWARD: *shrugs*

NICOLE: Next up is XxEvilMasterMindxX:

**Damn this is f-ing awesome. (WARNING: I luv to curse so don't be surprise) I want to say that EDWARD YOU SUK TENNIS BALLS. I just really don't like you Edward. If I was Bella I would dump your gay a$$ where no one will find you. But I do respect team Edward fans. But I am still TEAM JACOB AND SETH! I was team Jacob before Taylor Lautner was in the movie. My dare is for Edward. I dare you too run around town naked int he day and saying 'Bella I hate you'. Dare for Rose. I dare you to be in a gorilla suit and climb up a building pretending to be King Kong.  
P.S Alice you are the best vamp ever! You wolves are hot. All you vamps are awesome except Edward. And Aro you should write down 'Hunch back of Notre Dame'. And also I am a weird person because I like the idea of Paul and Bella being together. I love being this crazy b!tch. Damn this is long.**

EDWARD: *blinks* I'm not even going to ask how you guys come up with these.

Edward kindly strips down to nothing outside the building before running around shouting 'Bella I hate you' at the top of his lungs. By the time he gets back it's amazing that no one's tried to arrest him yet. While he was doing his dare Rosalie went out to buy a gorilla suit and reenacted a scene from King Kong using the Emily Barbie doll that another viewer sent in as Ann Darrow.

EMILY: Now that we got that over with… Rosalie, hand over the Emily Barbie doll. It's a collector's edition, so you'd better not have damaged it or its battery-powered plastic TOD Mini-Me! Oh, and here's one from :

**Hi EMILY! I joined your FAN CLUb! I just lub ur story! I'm in the audiance wearing a shirt that says 'i x3 boys tht sparkle' &' tht means u Edward! Anyways dare*grins at Jacob* I dare Jacob to pretand to be a baby and Bella and Edward have to be his parents for the rest of the whole show and no one can take tht away! If you don't do it I know where u live Jacob! I know it sucks but hey it's the best I can do! Bella said we are all worthless humans let get her*angry mob agrees* I love you Edward and how did you guys like the movies? Don't wrry I will send breaking dawn! How did Edward get a tatoo if his skin is marble? I love Seth and Emmett You rock cullens and werewolfs suck! Except Seth**

EDWARD: About the tattoo, I actually tried to get a – ta-tas – real one. That didn't work out so well, so instead I went with air brush.

NICOLE: You cheated!

EDWARD: I improvised.

JACOB: *cuddles up next to Bella* Mommy!

RENESMEE: This is so weird.

BELLA: Agreed.

SETH: I am awesome's says:

**hi it's me again. Emily ur awesome. so's nicole. I AM TEAM JACOB. becuz he's awesome. Sam u suck. leah rocks.  
Dares: Bella must full on make out with jacob (u owe me jacob)  
Seth must taser sam for an hour then jane must give him pain for 2 hours.  
Truth: Don't have a truth**

BELLA: But I thought Jacob was supposed to be my 'baby'?

NICOLE: I looked over the reviews for today and in a little bit you're going to have to tase him. Some mom you're gonna make.

JACOB: *so confused*

BELLA: …Fine.

Jacob and Bella start making out as Seth uses his fully-charged, semi-new taser to tase Sam, to his horror. Jane eagerly awaits her turn.

NICOLE: Okay, here's what I was I was talking about. It's from Morganna:

**Emily, this is hilarious! It's so awesome, All my friends read it and laughed. Okay, so for My dare, I dare Bella to Tase Jacob for an hour, (I just hate him so much! Team Edward 3) and for my truth is for Jane, Why do you hate everyone so much, We all think your awesome, why do you hate us D:**

NICOLE: Told you.

EMILY: *reluctantly hands TOD over to Bella*

JACOB: Now wait a minute! First I was your baby, then you start making out with me, and now you're going to—

BELLA: *starts tasing Jacob* Sorry, son.

JANE: I never said I hated everyone… I just enjoy seeing people suffer. It's nothing personal. Speaking of which, why do I have to wait a whole hour to get to inflict pain upon the Sam wolf? I could easily have done that at the same time as the other kid.

EDWARD: Ta-tas!

EMILY: Yeah, yeah. I didn't write the dare. Anywho, now we've got a review from tEaM cArLiSle:

**Hey. Thanks for using my review for your last chapter. Hmmm. That was the first chapter in a whole where you used the taser. I hope your not getting soft...nag just screwing with ya. Lol. Hmm let's see for a truth: emmett what is the best April fools day prank you have done? And for dare: I dare jasper to make two characters of emily and nicoles choice think they are in love with each other for the rest of this episodes. Lol. Also just want to say emily, nicole, you guys are the best. I mean I've read other truth and dares before but this is the best one ever. Nothing could possibly beat it. Oh also to everybody if you had to choose between the harry potter or the lord of the rings which would you pick? Just wondering. Lol.**

EMILY: Not soft, just lazy. It's amazing I was even able to write at all over the summer, since that's usually when my brain goes into hibernation. And how can you even ask that? I mean, on one hand you've got Aragorn and Legolas, two of the hottest fictional characters in the history of everything, and then there's Ron and Snape, who are just plain awesome in their own kind of hot way… not in a yaoi way, because that's not really my thing, but you know what I mean.

NICOLE: As you can see, Emily and I are fully-devoted fan girls. I agree; there's no way you could possibly pick between the two.

ALL: *simultaneous nods of agreement, aside from the few losers who don't care for that sort of thing*

EMMETT: Well, last year I wrote 'April Fools' on a roll of toilet paper and left it out of Bella's reach for when she came over that day. I was going to do the whole plastic sheet thing I'd heard about, but I figured then Edward would've killed me.

BELLA: You did that? I didn't even notice.

EMMETT: Alas, all my evil schemes have amounted to nothing!

NICOLE: Jasper, why don't you do… Jane and Demetri? They've both been single for some time now.

JANE AND DEMETRI: What?

EMILY: *shrugs* Well, I've got nothing better.

JASPER: Um, okay.

Jasper somehow makes Jane and Demetri develop a crush for each other, but instead of skipping right to physical contact, they continue stare and each other and blush from across the room. The rest of the Volturi can be seen rolling their eyes and hanging their heads in shame until it's Jane's turn to continue traumatizing Sam where Seth left off.

NICOLE: Look at them. They're like one big, happy family.

EMILY: *sighs dreamily* Yeah… Doesn't it feel so great to know we've made a difference in these fictional character's lives?

SETH: *a bit skeptical* It sure does.

SAM: *glares daggers as he rolls around the floor in pain*

EMILY: Well, this has been fun, but I'm afraid it time to close up shop. Alright everything, thanks for everything! And in case anyone would like to know, again, my Twitter is Autumnstar_ and you can find me on deviantART as Autumnstar17.

NICOLE: *elbows Emily* Quit advertising.

EMILY: Meh. Okiedokie, see you all next time!


	23. Episode 23

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 23

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: *a bit scratchier than usual* Hey everyone! I'm back again. In case you didn't know, I planned to do a lot more on the weekend but then I got a cold and lost my voice, and even now it's coming in and out.

NICOLE: Maybe you should stop talking, then, so it can come back?

EMILY: I'm trying, but it's so hard! *coughs*

NICOLE: So you singing Sweeney Todd on the way in here was your way of 'trying'?

EMILY: *glares* It's catchy.

NICOLE: It's about killing people and making them into pies.

EMILY: It's _catchy_.

SETH: You know, why don't you have some tea or something and try to keep quiet? I know it's hard for you, but maybe there's a reason most people lose their voice for a day throughout long periods of time while you lose yours every so often for a week? I'm just saying.

EMILY: Okay, you're probably right. Who's my gofer right now? I don't even remember.

EDWARD: *slowly raises hand*  
EMILY: Good. Go get me some tea.

EDWARD: *leaves to go do so*

NICOLE: Alright, our first review is from ChocolateLover115:

**Ugh! I'm sooooo happy that I finally see my review, it made my day! Although I was saddened when I didn't see the cute kitten...and when Seth rejected me...how low can my self esteem go? Oh well, still looking forward to being your nerd wrangler! Dare: Caius actually go jump off a bridge, emily's pick! Truth: Leah, do you mind if your brother has the power to tase you? Love you Seth, Emily, Nicole, and nerd herd!**

**Superb as always! I miss Aro writing down the movies, so for inspiration I'm giving him a hundred dollar Disney giftcard and a fifty dollar giftcard to blockbusters! And if you like, I could send in some taser cozies for TOD and TOD 2...they'll pop up in five minutes! Dare: have Jacob change to his wolf form and be walked by Edward and Bella in their orange suited with matching bows on his hair! Truth: why don't you want to marry me Seth? Do you want me to end up an old maid? Do you want that guilt on you, especially after I gave you a cat and a room for your taser? Oh well, you're very ambitious Emily and Nicole! Hope you enjoy the cozies!**

EMILY: Oh! I was just at Disneyland this weekend. I swear, I could practically live there!

NICOLE: What part of 'save your voice' don't you get?

EMILY: *whimpers and sinks back into chair*

NICOLE: Just ignore her. Actors can be such drama queens.

EMILY: You're one to talk…

CAIUS: You've got to be kidding me.

EMILY: Golden Gate Bridge.

CAIUS: Why that bridge?  
EMILY: I don't know the names of very many bridges.

CAIUS: …Fine.

Caius leaves to do his dare as Edward comes back in with the director's tea.

EMILY: *begins chuckling to herself*

CARLISLE: What's her problem now?

SAM: Maybe there's something in her tea?

EDWARD: Don't worry; I picked out one without caffeine.

EMILY: No, it's not that. I just remembered something from Vampires Suck.

NICOLE: Oh yeah, we went to see that together. That movie was funny.

EMILY: Yeah… right up until the point where I finished my gigantic soda and had to use the bathroom for the last twenty minutes. But my writing didn't look half as funny after that. *snaps back into reality* Sorry, I'm having a hard time staying focused today. And I'm not supposed to be talking until my voice completely comes back.

LEAH: Well, I can't say I'm happy about it, but I suppose it's better than… some other people.

BELLA: Edward, our dare was to take Jacob on a walk.

EDWARD: Okay then, let's get this over with.

BELLA: I wonder where we can find a big enough collar? And matching bows.

JACOB: *rolls eyes* You've got to be kidding me…

The three of them leave to do their dare.

NICOLE: What about your truth, Seth?

SETH: *embarrassed* I-I don't know. I mean… I don't know you. And-and I'm just 15! I'm not old enough to get married yet!

NICOLE: Well, we'll get back to that when you're older, then.

EMILY: *trying really hard not to say anything*

NICOLE: Maybe we should get you a white board or something?

EMILY: No, that doesn't work too well. I brought one to school the last time this happened, but it took too long for me to write anything. And it was much worse then. *covers mouth* Sorry. *begins petting Seth's kitten to keep herself from talking*

SETH: Um… Okay, this next review is from GeorgiaCullen.x:

**I know this gets said a lot but EMILY YOU RULE and so does Nicole :D Edward I love you.  
Dare: Aro to throw away all his disney films :)  
Truth: Edward did you go out with anyone before Bella?  
I LOVE YOU ALL, Emily I made you queen of evil :D Team Edward forever! Goodbyeee!**

ARO: Ha, I don't own any Disney films yet! *series of 'nyah nyah' noises ensues as he waves around the gift cards teasingly*

JANE: You're a disgrace to the Volturi. You know that, right?

NICOLE: I guess we'll have to ask Edward his when he and Bella get back. Anyway, I 3 Jasper says:

**Hey. Emily and nicole, you guys totally rock. I love this! Can't wait to read more. Right so I realized that leah  
hasn't done much so far so I'm going to dare leah to make out with her chosen vamp for 47 minutes(just to be random lol) oh and she has to do it or else jane can use her powers on her until she does answer. Hmm...For a truth: to alec who is your favourite Cullen and why? Again you must answer or you will suffer the wrath of either jane, emily or nicole!**

LEAH: How about… Demetri? After all, I suppose he is Ominous Voiceover Vampire.

EMMETT: What's wrong with all of you favoring those of us with special positions, like Ominous Voiceover Vampire, or Exhibition Vampire, or Padawon? I'm important to this show too, you know!

JASPER: Jealous?

EMMETT: No! I just don't like being excluded, that's all. It's discrimination on those of us whom the director decided she doesn't like as much.

EMILY: That's not true.

ALEC: I'm not so sure. I mean, I know Carlisle best but… maybe Jasper? Being Exhibition Vampire has got to be pretty cool.

EMMETT: Damn you all!

Nicole sets the stopwatch and Leah and Demetri start making out, wondering how everyone manages to keep it up for that long. Fairly soon Caius comes back in looking a bit banged up, and Jacob, Bella, and Edward reenter as well.

JACOB: *phases back and pulls on a pair of pants quickly* That sucked. Can you believe how many other dogs tried to sniff my butt? It was humiliating enough even without the bows.

BELLA: And I don't think I've ever going to get used to this outfit, no matter how long I wear it.

ALICE: There was a dare for you while you were gone, Edward. You're supposed to say if you ever dated anyone before Bella.

EDWARD: Of course not.

MARCUS: That's pretty sad.

EDWARD: No it's not. I was just waiting for 'the one'.

EMBRY: The director's Harry Potter scripts say otherwise.

EDWARD: That's ridiculous. Obviously I was never Cedric Diggory in a past life.

EMILY: *sips her tea calmly* Whatever you say, Ced – I mean, Ed…

EDWARD: *rolls eyes and sits down*

NICOLE: Next up is Randomjeesse:

**heeey guys! Im soo excited i hope u put this. Ur so good on this, that i send u a big box of chocolates and candies for u, nicole and seth from Mexico from i am, so for my truth: edward its really true that u watch bella sleep ALL the night or u do something else too? And for the dare: i dare u all Volturis to go to a sunny beach in Mexico in speedo and reveal to the humans, so ur breaking ur own rules and Edward tease u all for 10 minutes. So emily and company u know u ROCK! Ohh and Edward i love u please say hi to me and send me greetings to Mexico!  
P.S.: Please stop messing with Edwards hair and clothes, if hes wearing something odd please let him change it to her usual style**

EMILY: Define 'odd'.

EDWARD: About time! And, 'hi'.

BELLA: Traitor.

EDWARD: *several minutes later, back in his regular attire* Anyway, I usually only watch her sleep about four times a week. On the other nights I find something else to do, just so I'm not being too stalker-ish.

BELLA: You don't have to do that. I don't mind.

NICOLE: *shakes head* Some girls just have no clue, do they?

EMILY AND SETH: *nodding in agreement*

Just then Aro jumps up and throws off his robe to reveal a bright red Speedo. Most of the cast either covers their eyes in horror at this or tries not to laugh.

ARO: Come, Volturi! We're going to the beach today!

MARCUS: It's like he has a completely different personality on this show…

CAIUS: Ah, well. At least we get to have some fun before we go back to our regular lives.

The Volturi race down to a beach in Mexico, making the room seem strangely empty. The staff has sent Edward with them as well with a camera and TOD to do his dare there and get some good pictures of the Volturi in Speedos at the same time.

SETH: While they take their time to do this, this last review is by Little Angel of Love:

**OH MY EMMETT! I haven't sent any dares or truths or showed my hate for Jacob *gets smacked in the head by my bff Jess* ow I was just stating the truth. I don't know what to say my fav- not- on- tv show is almost gone *burst into tears* okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk I'm better I want to know what do yall think about the new movie vampires suck I say the guy who plays Jacob is way to hot no offense to Jacob lovers sooooooooooooooooo for a dare hmmmmmmmmm Jacob is to be tasered by everyone inflicted pain on by Jane and shocked to the max by Kate if he is even there. You know just a little something to remebere by. I am really sorry for not sending in dare nd truths I've been workin on my story oh yea none of u get offended by what I wrote if you do you. Will get Beatin with a bat and it will hurt. Yes cower away in fear mwhahahahahahahababaab wow I sound retarded I've been hangin around Jess and mike to much. I love this show nd will miss it.  
P.S.- my friends dsay excuse Rosie for way she is about to say  
p.s.s.- jacob you are one stupid arrogant mother$&!#%. Yu don't know what no means nd u r a $&!ing perv if you have somethin to say pm me I'll be happyto rey  
P.s.s.s- did I mention I cuss like a sailor I started at age 11 nd I'm pretty $&#ing proud of it. Excuse My language esme :)**

EMILY: Well, Nicole and I loved the movie. I don't think anyone else here has seen it.

JACOB: We've seen previews, and we're a bit offended by it. *blinks* Why is everyone staring at me like that?

Without warning the entire staff begins tasing Jacob (Emily had to use the taser van because Edward currently has TOD). By the time they're satisfied, Jacob has passed out while they wait for Jane to get back to finish the dare.

NICOLE: Do you suppose they'll be back anytime soon?

EMILY: I doubt it. I'm sure those Volturi can throw some killer beach parties.

SETH: Oh well. Then Jane'll just have to finish after the show when she gets back.

There's a long pause.

EMILY: Maybe we should join them?

NICOLE: Yeah. But how are we supposed to get all the way to Mexico that fast?

BOTH: *slowly turn towards the Cullens*

ESME: What?

EMILY: *jumps on Carlisle's back* Run like the wind, vampire!

And thus, the entire cast and crew had one of the best vampire-werewolf beach parties in the history of everything that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning, complete with uncalled for violence, beach volleyball, Speedos, swimming, sand castles, dancing, drinking, bonfires, and so on and so forth.

OMINOUS VOICEOVER (DEMETRI): _Will_ they all get over their hangovers? _Why_ does nothing seem to make sense on this show? And finally, _does_ Aro actually look good in a Speedo? The answers to these questions and more will be revealing in the next Twilight: Truth or Dare, coming to a computer near you!


	24. Episode 24

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 24

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Good morning/afternoon/whatever, and welcome back to another episode of Twilight: Truth or Dare!

NICOLE: I see you got your voice back.

EMILY: Yup, I'm back and annoying as ever! But you wouldn't believe the surprisingly large number of not-so-friendly reviews I got back from last time.

NICOLE: Don't worry about it. You just try too hard to make people happy… and you're a bit of a narcissist, but that's just as well.

EMILY: Was it something I said? I mean, it's not my fault I've been exhausted from band camp for nine hours every day…

NICOLE: I said drop it.

SETH: Anyway, uh, in other news the rest of the cast has begun a countdown until the end of the season.

EVERYONE ELSE: Two episodes! Whoo!

SETH: …And with that, I'll start by reading off the first review. It's by TheBlackNotebookWriting:

**Hey there awesome Emily!  
I really love your story, so congratulations :)  
I feel so bad for Esme, I love her. And Seth, of course. But I am Team Jasper, thank you. I don't want to steal Edward. Though, dear Alice, I love you, please take me shopping! I will be your Barbie doll for forever. Make me a vampire please :)  
Dare: I dare the werewolves to be the lapdogs/guard dogs for the Volturi for a entire month in Volterra after this show is over (haha, Breaking Dawn spoilery suprises!)  
Truth: Jasper, how exactly were you 'rewarded' and 'punished' during your years in the 'South'?  
Keep up the good work! :)  
LP**

JASPER: Well, I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. That is to say, I wasn't exactly ever rewarded or punished…

MARIA: Oh, so I wasn't enough of a reward?

JASPER: You can shut up now.

MARCUS: Do they really have to come home with us?

ARO: Why of course, Marcus. Do you even have to ask? Besides, then the wolves can join us for our Disney marathon! Speaking of which, I've already completed the list of every classic Disney movie I could possible think of, when I stumbled upon the issue of food. Now, do you suppose we'll be supplying the wolves with snacks like popcorn and whatnot, or do they have to bring it themselves? Because it might get a little uncomfortable if—

JANE: *shoots enough pain into Aro to get him to shut up*

NICOLE: Okay, this next review was sent in by ILOVEJACOB BLACK:

**wow this is amazing . your an evil genius Emily.  
i dare Edward to find Jessica and suck her blood, hehehehe , and i dare Jacob and Bella to fall madly in love with each other(with the help of jasper of course) and i finally i dare Alice to burn all her clothes and wear a trash bag instead.  
TEAM JACOB  
Edwards okay  
Bella doesn't deserve either of them  
Jacob is hot with sick abs  
Seth is sweet and such a cutie pie  
why isn't Bella's dad there ( CHARLIE)  
EMILY YOU ROCK!**

NICOLE: Charlie's not here because A) it would be a bit much for him to have to take in all at once and B) nobody really needs him here for anything right now.

EDWARD: B-But, that goes against everything I've worked for pretty much my entire existence!

EMILY: Yeah… I'm not sure what it's going to do to the story line, but what the hell! Just go do it.

EDWARD: I won't kill her.  
EMILY: Then make her a vampire.

BELLA: Edward can't do that. He hasn't even turned me yet.

EDWARD: Aro would never allow it.

ARO: *dancing around the room in his happy place*

NICOLE: You know, I'm not so sure. This show really has done a number on him.

EDWARD: …Or, you know, someone sane in the Volturi won't allow it.

EMILY: Quit stalling. I know your hesitation is partly because you know that Jasper is going to make Bella and Jacob falling madly in love with each other the second you leave the room.

EDWARD: Okay, yeah. But still-

EMILY: Go, now!

Edward drops his head in shame as he leaves the set to go and turn Jessica. As he does so Jasper makes Jacob and Bella fall in love with each other, as they will be for the rest of the episode. This particularly messed with Renesmee's mind.

SETH: This next review is from… um…

SAM: What's the matter?

SETH: I can't say their username.

JACOB: *while with Bella doing… something else. Interpret as you will* Why not?

SETH: Because, they used a naughty word in it. And in their review. And I'm not supposed to say things like that… And what exactly are you two doing, or do I even want to know?

BELLA: *guilty smile*

SETH: That's… okay, never mind, I'll just say it. This next review is from CrazyEmoWhore:

**-Cough- Hello. I need help...I totally forgot how to make Fanfictions because i forgot my other account and i'm a total dumpass D: So could yew help me? My names Leah. And i just gotta say yewr f***ing amazing. I luf this story XD! Anyhoo. I could seriously use some help o: If yew can anyways. And for a truth or dare..Dare:Leah has to make-out with Rosalie and then Alice and Truth:Leah has to say if she liked making-out with them. :D**

EMILY: I don't see why not. PM me and I'll see what I can do.

NICOLE: Slasher, eh?

ROSALIE, ALICE, AND LEAH: No way.

ARO: Hey, you never know until you try it.

And so, Leah does end up eventually making out with Alice and Rosalie after a long stream of protests. Edward just happened to have come back feeling rather guilty for making Jessica a vampire and walked in at a very awkward moment between both Jacob and Bella and Leah and Rosalie. Afterwards…

LEAH: It was certainly different, but no, and I can't say I enjoyed it.

EMILY: Now for EdwardILoveYou:

**EMILY! NICOLE! I missed u guys soooooo much! Hows the cast? Every1 good? R u sure? Esme did u like my hair grower? The Presents?  
Okay good! *Hugs* Okay so I got u a present!  
A NEW SET!  
Check it out! Its pretty big! It has everyones bedroom style. Emily's room. Nicoles room. More nerds. Pretty cool eh? My favorite part is the Truth or Dare room! On 1 side of the room is exactly 193,451 buttons! Push them 2 c what happens! New weapons, candy and...people!  
Okay for truth: Jacob(I hate u 4 torturing Bella!) what is the most erm well ya know...Bella thought? Besides sex with unicorn there has 2 b some kind of something!  
Sam I hate ur guts so bad I want to throw u under a bus! Leah...I dont partically like u. Sorry. Ur a bitter cold person.  
Okay Sam GET OF EDWARDS LAP(JUSTICE LAST!) THATS MY JOB! And go sit on Alecs lap!  
THis is long yes!  
Oh and check out the other sides! Alice! I got u a whole new line of clothes in ur room! GO PARTY!  
Emily Im in the audinence! I promise I wont talk but can I b a special guest?  
BYE! Edward heres a button! Only push it when u dont wanna do a dare! Good 4 3 dares! Love u!**

SAM: Curses. *migrates over to Alec's lap*

EDWARD: Freedom! *staring in awe at the magic button*

NICOLE: A new set? Isn't it a little late in the season for that?  
EMILY: Well, we can always use it next season. Can't wait to test out all the buttons… You know how I am around buttons.

NICOLE: Alright, calm down. You can wait until after this episode to explore.

EMILY: Aw…

JACOB: Nope, not really. Not even I would have gone much farther than the unicorn thing.

NICOLE: All right, here's the last review for the day… possibly, which was sent in by an I3Demetri:

**OMC Emily you are as evil as me and my best friend on chocolate! Anyway really awesome story! Demetri I LOVE you!  
So, I dare Edward, Jacob, and Emmett to sing "Single Ladies( Put a Ring on It)by Beyonce wearing the costumes from the video.  
For my Truth Jacob how does it make you feel that Stephenie Meyer killed you in Forever Dawn?  
P. is a huge box of candy!  
P.P.S. Why does Everyone hate Bella? It is unfair! Bella you and everyone else are AWESOME!**

NICOLE: And lucky you, we just happen to have a set of costumes from the Single Ladies music video stashed in Alice's closet on the new set!

EMILY: I knew there was something we've always been missing on this show.

BELLA: Hey, at least you're not wearing the orange bodysuit anymore.

JACOB: That's okay, Bells, _I_ think the Spandex makes you look hot.

BELLA: Oh, Jakie!

EDWARD: Okay, will you two stop doing that?

JASPER: …Sorry.

EMILY: *off in her own little world again* Omc? What does that mean, oh my cat? Oh my… cactus? Citrus fruit? Carnie?

NICOLE: *pats her on the back* Slow down there, Em, you don't want to hurt yourself.

Edward, Jacob, and Emmett change into their Beyonce attire and reenter the room. Turns out not only do they sing the song, but they also have learned the dance from the video as well… Strange, yes, but we won't get into how they learned that for now.

BEYONCE BRIGADE:

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it  
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it  
Don't be mad once you see that he want it  
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it_

woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh

_woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh_

ESME: Well that was certainly… interesting.

JASPER: I feel rather enlightened, having seen that.

JACOB: And for the record, I don't care what anyone says about me anymore. I've seen some of the yaoi fan art the director forced upon me and heard her read multiple reviews with mixed opinions about me. And don't think I haven't peeked at other fan fictions.

EMBRY: You know, I don't know if you heard her right. She said Meyers _kills you off_.

JACOB: *eyes well up* B-But I thought she liked me!

EMILY: Well, that's all I've got for now. Remember, only one more episode after this, so let's make it count!

ALL: Whoo!

EMILY: Hey! Don't pretend that this hasn't been fun. But alas, I must eventually move on with my life… Plus, I have an unbelievably very short attention span and can't believe I stuck with this that long in the first place. In any case, until I see y'all next time! Buh-byeee!


	25. Episode 25

Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 25

RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: I apologize for not being able to get here sooner… my computer broke, which kind of sucks for me. In any case, I see you guys didn't hesitate to throw a party. You could've at least waited until after the season finale.

NICOLE: Well, they were excited.

EMILY: Still. And even after I waited to give people time to send in any last-minute reviews and took the time to go through all of them and pick some of the best ones for this last episode…

NICOLE: You mean you just chose the ones with the best bribes?

EMILY: No. No, not necessarily true. I mean, a contributing factor to my decision, sure, but otherwise no.

NICOLE: Whatever you say. But I suppose you're right; we should enjoy this final episode before we go off-air, because god knows when you'll ever feel like writing a second season.

EMILY: Hey, you never know. As long as there are minions – erm, fans – to carry on our legacy, the show will never truly die. Plus, apparently someone's writing a spinoff about us as we speak.

SETH: Guys, are we going to start the Truth or Dare before everyone gets too carried away or what?

EMILY: Alright, alright, we're coming. *sits down and hands Seth a stack of index cards*

SETH: *reading off the cards* Okay, so it looks like our last first review of the day is from XxEvilMasterMindxX:

**Awesome chapter! You are the freakin bet Emily! Ok so these are my truths and dares.  
Truth:(all vamps) which Wolf would you want to be stuck in for 5 hours?  
Truth:(all wolves) which Vamp would you want to be attached to by glue for two days?  
You must all answer this 'cause I know where you all f-ckin live! I can kill all vamps and wolves with my special knife!  
Dare: can't really think of one so no dare.  
P.S Team Jacob! Jane I so damn wish I can have your freakin power. I would use it on my damn stalkers! Leah you rule! Seth you are my fave wolf ever *waves at you franticly* Jake your after him then after you it's do so many people hate the Volturi? They are awesome!**

EMILY: Woah. Violence.

NICOLE: You're one to talk…

EMMETT: Stuck in? Like, get eaten by?

JASPER: I think they mean 'stuck to'.

EMMETT: Still, why would I want to do that?

ALICE: Oh, just shut up and answer the question. I guess if I had to pick one of them, maybe Seth? I mean, he did kind of go to the dark side with the staff of this show, but I suppose he's the least annoying.

VAMPIRES: *nods of agreement*

SAM: *offending* Least annoying? What's that supposed to mean?

JACOB: Two days is a long time. *trying to picture being attached to a vampire by glue* So… I'm guessing it would have to be really sticky glue, right?

LEAH: Obviously.

JACOB: But how would we use the bathroom?

EMBRY: *shrugs*  
JACOB: Okay. Well, I hate Edward, so that's out, and Felix is a complete spazz.

ARO: Hey, he's gotten better since we started ignoring him.

COLLIN: What about Carlisle or Esme? They don't see that bad.

JACOB: Alright, fine, I'll pick Carlisle.

SAM: Weirdo. I'm going with Esme.

WOLVES: *pick either one or the other*

NICOLE: Next we have one from Myfuzzywolf:

**EMILY! NICOLE! U guys are UBERTASTIC! Seth u r totally adorable! Now I'm going 2 shamelessly bribe u guys 2 put up my review by wiring $1million 2 all 3 of ur accounts, Emily, Nicole & Seth. I hope u do me proud by spending the money completely irresponsibly & shamelessly flaunting ur purchases. Oh … & could u let us know how u spend it? Before getting 2 the Truth or Dare, I want 2 correct a mistake that was made in the last episode; no worries Jacob, Stephenie Meyer didn't kill u in Forever Dawn, she 3 u. If u go 2 her website & read the FAQs 4 Breaking Dawn, she outlines Forever Dawn & states "The wolves kill Victoria. She is the only casualty… " Now onto the business of the day, the Truth or Dare.  
Dare: Jacob I'm going 2 give u some evil pleasure, I dare u 2 taser Edward 4 2hrs straight.  
Truth: All the wolves (except Seth of course because that would be gross!) have 2 tell Leah if they have sneaked a peek while she is phasing & how often. U have to tell the truth wolves because Emily has superpowers & will know if u are lying. Leah gets 2 retaliate by attacking the offender(s) with a taser. Leah gets to taser the offender(s) for an hour, each.  
*sighs with complete satisfaction* My job here is done.**

EMILY: *salutes* Consider it done!

JACOB: I'm sorry, was that a '_for two_ hours straight' or '_42_ hours straight?'

EDWARD: Very funny.

As Edward is being tasered…

SETH: Yes, that would be rather gross.

EMBRY: It was an accident, I swear!

SAM: *begins counting fingers*

LEAH: *takes TOD II out for a little joy ride*

NICOLE: Well, I don't suspect we'll be getting out tasers back anytime soon.

EMILY: That's okay. I've been sketching out some designs for our season two weapons of mass destruction.

NICOLE: How are we going to afford that? We're still trying to figure out how to do a decent cosplay on a low-income freshman budget.

EMILY: If there's a will, there's a way. Then there's also my piggy bank donation box that's currently propping the door open.

NICOLE: *raises an eyebrow*  
EMILY: Work with me here.

SETH: *skimming through reviews* Wow. Who knew we had so many relatives living in the future?  
EMILY: I know, it surprised me two.

NICOLE: I wonder how they keep contacting us?  
EMILY: Spooky.

NICOLE: Yeah, maybe you should just skip over those for now to avoid any confusion.

SETH: Good idea. In that case, then here's a review from Max ride vs. Sparkly vamps:

**TEAM E-M-I-L-Y!  
Ok, I want Seth to taser a character OF HIS CHOICE for 15 minutes, while the victims girlfriend describes whats happening. I want Quil to taser Claire OR Jared to taser Kim OR Sam to taser Emily!  
I want Edward to tell us- has he ever had a girlfriend before Bella? If he has, he has to describe her in detail. Then I want Emily to conjure her up and Bella is allowed to taser her for 30 mins!  
Rosalie makes out w/ Edward, Bella makes out w/ Jasper and Alice makes out with Emmett. They then say whether they preferred their girlfriend/boyfriend, or the person they just made out with.  
I am an evil person sometimes! And since I am sooooooooooooooooo hyper, I want Alice, Edward, Jasper and Emmett to get high somehow! **

SETH: *nervous* Who should I taser?

EMILY: Honestly, Seth. I thought you were over that innocent guilt phase. What kind of Padawan are you?

SAM: C'mon, Seth. We used to be friends before you went and joined the dark side. If anyone should be tasered it should be the vampires, not us! Especially not me. Again.

EMMETT: Wait a minute… Aren't Jedis supposed to be the good guys? And isn't the dark side, you know, evil?

JASPER: I suppose, but it's more complex than that. You see, the dark side is actually-

EMMETT: No one asked you, Exhibition Vampire!

SETH: Maybe I should taser… *still debating*

JANE: Just taser Felix and be done with it.

CARLISLE: He can't do that. After everything that Felix has been through…

ESME: And he just started to recover too.

SETH: Well, I suppose it is the season finale.

Seth eventually decided to taser Felix, hoping that he had somehow become immune to it since earlier events. He hadn't, and thus remains both emotionally scarred and traumatized for the rest of his existence.

EMILY: I will now do the honors of reading out very last review. Ever. …Maybe. Anyway, this one's from ColorfulFREAKx3:

**Hello everyone! First of all, I'd like to say its sad that this story is coming to an end, but I guess the Cullens, Voltori, and Werewolves are pretty glad to get out of this prison! Anyway, for my truth.. Carlilse, who do you regret most changing into a vampire. He has to answer or will get tazered! For dare.. Emmet, I dare you to put two balloons under your shirt in your chest area and walk around a busy street singing 'California Girls'. Love you Edward, Jacob, Jasper, Carilise and Emmet, and everyone else :D**

CARLISLE: You guys love the tough ones, don't you?  
ALICE: That is kind of the point of a truth.

CARLISLE: Then… first off I'd like to say that I don't regret what I've done, since everything seemed to have turned out all right up until this show started, but aside from that, if I had to pick one I'd probably have to say Rosalie.

ROSALIE: Gee, thanks.

CARLISLE: I'm just saying if I _had_ to pick one. You did pull that little bride stunt, remember?

ROSALIE: I suppose… But still.

EMMETT: Don't worry; strutting about with balloons under my shirt is what I do best.

ROSALIE: I wish you wouldn't intentionally try to embarrass me.

EMILY: Hey, we learned a fun dance to that song in color guard, if you'd like me to show you.

EMMETT: Um. No thanks.

Emmett leaves to do the last dare of the season. Afterwards, once everyone has run their ass out of the truth or dare room and as far away from the staff as possible…

EMILY: Well. I guess that's it, then. And I thought they wouldn't stuck around a little longer to shake hands, say it was nice working with us or something like that.

NICOLE: We apologize for the lack of imaginative, bittersweet and/or cheesy, otherwise happy ending.

EMILY: What are we, miracle workers? At least I can finally sign off with this message: The End!


	26. Episode Teaser

EMILY: Hello, everyone! Damn, it really has been along time, and can I just say you all look lovely today? *eh-hem* Okay, okay, I'll cut the crap; it's been ages since I've posted anything on here. I know. That's not to say I haven't been around, as I swear I've read through every review and message despite whether or not I ever got back to you and I just want to thank all of you for your love and support and allegiance to my ever-expanding empire.

NICOLE: *elbows Emily*

EMILY: Right. So I guess what I really wanted to fill you in on was the rumor of a Twilight: Truth or Dare: Season 2. And to be brutally honest, as much fun as I had writing this series, I just don't know if I could make myself write a whole new series (nor do I think the Twilight cast would appreciate it very much, not that that's ever stopped me before). I'll admit, the fanmail was great, and I'd hate to sound like a hippogriff-

NICOLE: Hypocrite.

EMILY: -but I was never really a big fan of Twilight in the first place. *sudden fear for her own safety* Please don't hate me for this – I have nothing against the series and I did read all the books, honest! But yeah, I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Nicole refused to let me sit around guiltily leaving the possibility of a second season out there with no intention to write one.

NICOLE: This is what you get for being lazy.

EMILY: I am not lazy!

NICOLE: Then where's that seventh Harry Potter script you've been 'working on' since the Part One came out?

EMILY: …I've got dirt on you too, y'know.

EDWARD: *raises hand* Question. If you aren't going to write a second season… then why are we all still here?

EMILY: False.

JACOB: What do you mean, false? What kind of answer is that?

EMILY: *points TOD towards the frustrated Twilight cast* I will use this.

SETH: *most winning smile towards the camera* Thanks for tuning in after such a long absence! I – as well as probably anyone else – can't say for sure whatever it is on the director's mind, and for all we know there might actually be a Season 2 sometime in the far-off future, but for now I want to thank you all for sticking with us for all this time and I have been happy to serve as your one and only Padawan of the Twilight series. Also, if ever Stephanie Meyers finds these, do us all a favor and RUN. That is all. *cuts to a black screen as the sound of tazers being fired can be heard in the background*

The End.

Maybe?


End file.
